Page 41 of Shattered Dreams
“You.” She finally said. “I’m tired of my husband hiding himself from me. Protecting me from parts of himself that he thinks will hurt me, instead of letting me decide if I’m strong enough to handle those parts.”
He froze in his chair, his jaw clenching. Anger tried to come to the fore, but he tamped it down hard. His temper had already made a mess of things, he didn’t need an even bigger one. “Elliot told you? I asked him to not say anything.”
This time she did roll her eyes. “Relax, Master. He didn’t betray you. Elliot didn’t have to say a word to me about the fact you’re a switch. Cassie told me.”
“Cassie?” he frowned, trying to place the name.
“A fellow submissive from back in the day. I’m not sure if you remember her or not.” She leaned forward. “She was a member at the Dungeon. We used to sit and chat every Friday night before all the dominants decided to show up for the weekly inspection of the subs. She was a horrible gossip and told me which dominants were okay to play with, and who to avoid.” She sighed. “She warned me about Mistress Yazmine. When I met you, you may have been exclusively topping, but it was no secret that you had bottomed in the past and gave your submission to the wrong person. I never brought it up, because I assumed you’d tell me when you wanted to – if you ever decided to.”
He seemed to slump right before her eyes. “So, you’ve known all this time? I can’t believe you have never said anything – I would’ve demanded to know the details, so I didn’t accidently trigger something during a scene.”
“Of course, I’ve known, and no I didn’t because I’m not a switch. All joking aside, I’ll never top another human being. I don’t have it in me.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “As long as you realize that top or bottom, it doesn’t matter to me which role you assume, because you’remyMaster. In our relationship, I choose to be on the bottom and allow you to care for me. However, it doesn’t blind me to the fact that for a certain police detective, you naturally assume the submissive role. That does not affect me any other way than making me desperate to see you give over to him. And not because I think you’re weak or anything.” She giggled. “Come on, two sexy ass men fucking in front of me? I’d have to be dead not to get all hot and bothered by it.”
Max groaned. “Are you for real? You actually want to see him fuck me?”
“Or you fuck him.” She shrugged. “I don’t care. I’m not hung up on the labels that are so important to you. I judge by action. You take care of me. You take care of Rainy. You take charge when it comes to my safety, happiness and mental health. Daddy takes care of me and gives me the firm hand I need. Daddy takes care of you, sees to your comfort and who knows what else he’ll do in the future?” She shrugged. “To me you’re both tops, but to him you’re a bottom, and that’s okay.”
“I…” He seemed speechless, so she pressed on.
“What is not okay, is you throwing away something that could be truly life-changing for us, because you’re afraid that I will treat you differently for wanting the very thing you give me so generously.”
“You…” he licked his lower lip. “…I just don’t know what to say, Lizzie. This is a lot.”
“I get it.” She sat back, curling her legs up under her. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on inside that noggin of yours. I’m not just your submissive, I’m your wife, your partner.” She sighed. “Your friend, Max.”
A shuddering sigh escaped him. “I don’t want you to think less of me.”
“Knucklehead.” She shook her head. “Nothing you’re going to tell me is going to change what I feel for you. So, spill it. Get it out in the open, so we can deal with it and move on.”
* * *
Max stared at his wife, a sense of amazement growing in his suddenly tight chest. She loved him, claimed that she didn’t care that he was a switch or that he found Elliot attractive. All she wanted was him…and Elliot of course. He’d seen the connection between the detective and his wife. But surprisingly he, for once, wasn’t jealous that another man had caught her attention. He felt humbled that after everything she’d been through, she was allowing not only him into her life, but also Elliot. She truly had a generous heart.
“I don’t know where to start,” he finally said, realizing that she was waiting patiently for him to begin.
“How about what you were dreaming about earlier?” she suggested. “I’d love to know what actually made you hard in your sleep.”
His cheeks flushed. “Ah…”
“Unbelievable. My master is blushing.” She smiled at him. “Don’t tell me. I can guess. You were dreaming about a certain detective? I totally understand. He’s had a few starring roles in my dreams as well over the past few weeks.” She shrugged. “Both of you have actually. A girl not getting sex starts having naughty dreams, ya know. Makes her impatient for the real thing. Which is probably one of the reasons I took advantage of you earlier.”
“Dear lord.” He closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe she’d admitted to dreaming of both him and Elliot. He opened his mouth to ask what it was she’d dreamed about but knew that would lead to things other than what they really needed to talk about; his insecurities.
“So, spill. If you don’t want to talk about your sexy dream, then fill me in on what’s going on in that thick head of yours. Other than physical pain, which I’m sorry for causing more of, that has you as growly as a bear with a thorn in its paw?”
“It’ll seem silly.” He said with a huff. “I’m a big bad dominant and I shouldn’t be scared.”
“We all have things that scare us, love.” She tilted her head. “You know what scares me? The idea that you’re going to push Elliot and I together and then leave. That you’re going to walk, hell wheel yourself out of our home all because you think he can give me everything I need.” She pursed her lips. “Newsflash, he can’t give me you. Both of you are dominants. But are so different. I wouldn’t dream of replacing one of you with the other. But I trust that now that you know my fear, you’ll make damned sure to never do it.”
“Of course not.” He felt a bit of shame though because there had been a time not that long ago in one of his darkest moments that he’d thought of finding, training a dominant to give his submissive wife to. He loved her that much. “I can’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind. I’m human, sweetheart. My body is broken. I don’t know if it will ever completely heal, and I only want what’s best for you.”
“You’re what’s best for me,” she retorted hotly. “Elliot may one day figure me out, but you Maxwell Rodkin, have already done it. It took time, patience and a whole lot of love on your part to get past my walls, because I decided you were the best thing for me.”
“You don’t know how humble that makes me feel, Lizzie.” The words flowed out of him on a sigh. “Which is why I’m scared to death I’m going to die on you, Lizzie. I promised to protect you, to be your rock and twice in the past six months I’ve nearly died.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “The first because I liked smoking too much to give it up. The second because some deranged fool took potshots at Storm, and I got caught in the crossfire.” He slapped his free hand down on the chair. “Tell me how I conquer that fear? How I put it out of my mind, when I’m stuck in this damned chair and may never walk again? That I will never again be the dominant you fell in love with?”
“You talk about it.” Lizzie leaned forward. “You go to physical therapy, do the exercises they tell you to do, and let me help you. I know you’re not immortal, Max. Able-bodied or in that wheelchair, you’ll always be my dominant. It’s not what you can do for me, but the attitude. Your heart attack and a few bullets aren’t going to change that commanding presence of yours – or the way I respond to it.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You may walk again someday, or maybe you won’t. Either way I’m not going to let you push me away because life handed you some lemons. Instead, we’re gonna cut those bastards up and make margaritas.”
Max chuckled. “You and your love affair with lemon margaritas. I swear you’ll use any excuse to make them.”
