Page 23 of Dreaming at Seaside
“I thought you had to work,” Jenna said.
“I do, but I want five minutes of sun before I hunker down and do real-world work.” She closed her eyes and sighed.
“You still have to pay me,” Jenna said to Tony. “The bet was if they hooked up, not if they had sex, and twenty minutes in heaven says way too much to be innocent.”
Bella remembered the look in Caden’s eyes when he was kissing her belly, and the feel of being in his arms. Oh, how she’d wanted to stay in his arms. Forget the ecstasy of kissing him. Just being that close to his warmth and feeling his heart beating against her as he carried her to the bedroom was heaven. He felt safe and sure, and his words held promise for so much more than lust.
“And that smile says even more.” Jenna touched her arm. “Care to share?”
Bella sighed. “He’s confusing.”
“Like women aren’t?” Tony quipped.
“I never said that. I know I confuse the heck out of him.” She’d been thinking all night about what he’d said.I thought I made it clear that I wanted to sleep with you, but I wouldn’t because you won’t commit.She’d also been thinking about what Jenna said about not classifying their relationship. The truth was, Bella was a classifier. She had never been the type of woman to date more than one guy at a time, and she didn’t have any interest in that now, either. She also knew it probably seemed silly to tell Caden or her friends that she didn’t want to date or commit when she was clearly interested in Caden, but it didn’t feel silly. It felt like she was trying to stand firm to her convictions—even if she and Caden were already doing intimate things that she didn’t normally do outside of a committed relationship.
Maybe life choices weren’t as easy as she’d hoped.
And if she were honest with herself, it wasn’t Caden who was confusing at all. It was her.
“What kind of guy won’t…you know…with a woman who’s offering no strings attached?” Bella asked.
“The gay kind,” Jenna answered.
“I’m going to put on my therapist hat for a minute.” Tony sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“You’re not a therapist. You’re a motivational speaker and a surfer, neither of which qualifies you to wear a therapist hat.” The truth was, Bella had gotten lucky in the male friend department. Tony’s advice was usually spot-on.
“Fair enough,” Tony said. “Then I’m putting on my man hat, and I know I am qualified to wear that. First of all, since when are you looking for a scrump and dump?”
Bella rolled her eyes. “I’m not looking for a scrump and dump. I just don’t want to have a scrump-and-be-lied-to or a scrump-and-make-bad-life-decisions experience.”
“Because you dated some jerk who told you he was divorced and he was really working things out with his wife? What power did that guy have over you to make you change who you are? You’re Bella Abbascia, the epitome of strength and confidence. You’re beautiful and smart, and you built an amazing career for yourself. What did that guy do to you for you to leave that all behind?” Tony rose to his feet and paced beside Bella’s chair. “And if he did something so bad, then why on earth didn’t you call me so I could beat the tar out of him?”
“Excellent point,” Jenna said as she rolled onto her side and put on her sunglasses.
Bella rose from her lounge chair and sat at the table with a sigh.
Tony came to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You’re not alone in this, Bella. No matter what it is.”
“I know.” She leaned back and kicked out a chair. “Sit down.”
Tony lowered himself to the chair, and Jenna joined them on Bella’s other side.
Bella pressed her palms flat on the table and drew in a deep breath. She’d held the truth in for months, and it would be a relief to get it off her chest. It would also be a slap in the face, and she knew how much that slap would sting. And she knew that she could spill her guts to Jenna, Tony, or any of the other friends here at Seaside, and they’d soothe that sting with more love than she could ever hope for.
“Okay. The truth is, it wasn’t him. It was me. Itisme. This was my decision any way you cut it. Jay was nothing. He lied to me. Yeah, that stung, but I broke up with him the moment I found out. But changing my life—takingcontrolof my life?” She shook her head. “That’s all me, baby. I took a good look at my love life and my professional life. And trust me, it wasn’t easy to take off the rose-colored glasses and open my eyes, but I did. You’re right, Tony. I’m strong, and you know what? I’m not sure that’s a great thing when it comes to relationships. I’m loud. I say things that can be harsh or misconstrued. I joke about things that other people might not, but I like who I am.”
Jenna lifted her brows. “We love who you are.”
“Thank you, Jen. I love you guys, too.” She sighed. “I just realized that maybe the reason relationships don’t work for me is that I’m not supposed to be in one. It seems like we women are always looking for Mr. Right, and I realized that I don’tneedMr. Right. I just need to be happy with myself, and I am. So, I decided to take charge of my life and make a change. Sink or swim. And part of taking charge of my career and my life is setting aside the pathetic need to be in a relationship.”
“Bella—” Tony began.
“No, let me finish. You guys know me. I’m a no-bull person. What you see is what you get with me, right?”
Jenna nodded.
“Pretty much, but you hide a lot, Bell, even if you don’t want to admit it,” Tony said.
