Page 31 of Dreaming at Seaside
They talked for a while longer about his parents and raising Evan. Bella had hoped the conversation might naturally lead to Evan’s mother, and when it didn’t, it made her even more curious. She pressed her hands to his chest, and when he leaned forward and kissed her, she almost let the subject go.
“What?” he asked softly.
She knitted her brows together, trying to figure out how she had already become transparent to him, just as when he ran his finger down her cheek and asked her again, she knew there was nothing she couldn’t ask him.
“You said you were full of loveandfull of hurt.”
His mouth twitched, and he lowered his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.
“I was,” he admitted.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and kissed his forehead as he’d kissed hers.
“It was a tough time.” He inhaled deeply, and when he spoke again, his eyes never wavered from hers. He clearly had nothing to hide.
“I thought I loved Caty, Evan’s mom, but the moment I held Evan in my arms, the love I felt for him was overwhelming. I knew that second that I didn’t love Caty. And even though I knew that, it still hurt when she left. The hurt for myself was little more than momentary. But the pain I felt for what Evan would experience, having been abandoned by his mother, once he was old enough to understand, was anything but momentary. I worried day and night about how it might affect him. The truth is, I still worry about that.”
“Do you think it’s worth trying to get in touch with her to see if they can build a relationship now?”
His lips curved into a smile, and he pressed another kiss to her lips. “You’re a thoughtful person, Bella, and I love that about you. I think most women would find the mother of my child a threat.”
“This isn’t about me. This is about Evan and what’s best for him.”
“I know it is, which is why you’re so remarkable.” He paused long enough for those words to sink in. “I haven’t seen Caty since she left Evan with me. He’s gone through stages of wanting to know about his mother, and I tracked her down and opened the door for her to get to know him, but it’s like she’s wiped that slate clean.”
“I can’t imagine a woman leaving a child behind like that, but I guess we never know what’s going on in a person’s head. She probably had reasons that were valid in her mind.”
“There you go again.” He ran his finger along her bare shoulder. “It would be easy to jump into a diatribe about how awful of a person she is, but you didn’t go there. I don’t go there either, even though, when Evan was younger, the pain over not having a mother would sometimes bring him to tears.” He paused, and in his eyes, Bella saw him struggling with what she assumed were memories. “It’s a little selfish to say this, but in a way she did Evan a favor. I think it would have been worse for him to be raised by someone who didn’t truly love him, or resented him, than to be given a chance to be loved completely without that kind of stress in the house. It probably sounds weird, but I think it took a lot of courage to do what she did.”
Bella pressed her cheek to his chest, her palm flat over his heart.Now who’s the remarkable one?
Caden wrapped her in his arms again. “There’s something else you should know, Bella, since we’re being so honest on our not-a-date. Even though she didn’t love me, and even though she has been absent for so many years, if she ever wanted to see Evan, or if Evan wanted to track her down himself, I would never stand in their way. I love him too much to do that.”
He lifted her chin and gazed lovingly into her eyes. “But no matter how she might have changed, or what she had to say, I could never love her. I’ve learned over the years what love feels like, and it’s either there or it’s not. It was never there with her. She was an infatuation. It was love at first sight with Evan, and that love was so powerful that I knew if I ever fell in love with a woman, I’d know it the minute I met her.”
He lowered his mouth to hers, quieting the voices in her head and answering her unspoken questions.
“Caden,” she whispered against his lips.
“Hmm?”
Thank you for being honest. Thank you for coming into my life. This is the best date ever. I’m falling for you hook, line, and sinker.
“Thanks for pulling out all the stops.”
CADEN PARKED AT Bella’s cottage and they walked across the quad hand in hand. They’d turned a corner tonight, and he’d been seconds away from admitting that he’d known he loved her the first moment their eyes connected. He’d had to kiss her to keep the words from tumbling out for fear of scaring her off. She didn’t have to tell him that she had the same intense feelings for him as he did for her. Like with his parents, it was as present as the air they breathed. He had a sense that he had to be careful with Bella. That as strong as she liked everyone to believe she was, her heart was fragile.
Bella stopped short of Jamie’s cottage. “I almost forgot to tell you that when I was at Nauset High today, walking outside with the principal, she told me that troublesome kids hung around the back field of the school, by the woods.”
“Troublesome?”
“She seems like a gossipmonger, so I wouldn’t get overly concerned. She said they jaywalked. I mean, that’s hardly troublesome, but I wanted you to know. You know, you’re a cop, so maybe you guys need to know that stuff? I don’t know.”
“You’re too cute.”
“Hardly. Maybe it’s worth mentioning that area by the woods to Evan for when he goes back to school.”
Caden glanced at Jamie’s cottage, thinking about Evan and what he’d said about reading the crime report and loving that Bella was thinking about him, too. “I’ll mention it to him.”
