Page 91 of Dreaming at Seaside
Caden went to the car and leaned over Evan’s open window.
“They’ll see you, but, Evan, don’t expect this to be easy. No matter what they say to you, I expect you to remain respectful. Got it?”
“Yes. I know.” Evan stepped from the car. “I know this is my fault, Dad. I can handle it. I owe them an apology.” Evan followed him inside the cottage. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and stood before Vera, who had settled back onto the couch again.
Caden’s chest constricted as he watched the boy he’d raised stand up and act like a man.
“Sit down, Evan. Please,” Vera said.
Evan sat in a rocking chair beside the couch. He drew in a deep breath before turning his attention to Caden.
“Dad, can you please give us a minute?”
Caden was taken by surprise. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Please?”
The confidence in Evan’s voice was another surprise. He had no idea what his son might say, but he left him to make amends and hoped for the best. He’d handled himself well with the chief, and Caden had a feeling he’d do just fine with Vera and Jamie, too. He walked out of the cottage and over to the grassy area behind Bella’s cottage. He couldn’t stay away. He heard dishes clanking inside, and as he neared her deck, Bella glanced out the window and their eyes met. Caden’s chest constricted as she came outside.
“Hi. How’s Evan?” She hooked her finger in the waist of his shorts.
“He’s okay. He’s with Jamie and Vera.” Man, he loved her. He loved her generous heart, her thoughtfulness, the way she claimed him with one small finger in his waistband. She went up on her toes, and he met her halfway for a tender kiss. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Bella…” He heard the devastation in his own voice.
Her smile faded. “Caden? What is it?”
Don’t do it. Don’t say a word.
“Caden. You’re worrying me.” She searched his eyes.
“Bella, I think I need to take some time and focus on Evan.”Stop. Just stop before you screw this up. He hadn’t realized he had come to this resolution so definitively until the words left his lips.
“Of course. I assumed that’s why you hadn’t called.” She sighed. “You scared me. You looked so…” She searched his eyes. “Caden?”
“Babe.” He reached for her hand, and she pulled it away. “Look at what’s happened, Bella. Vera could have been hurt. Evan could have gotten into real trouble. If I were more focused on him, this might never have happened.”
“Wh-what are you saying?” Her lower lip trembled.
“Bella, you know what I’m saying. I need to focus on Evan and make sure he gets straightened out.” The pain in her eyes sliced through every fiber of his being.
“I don’t understand.” She lowered her voice, and a tear slid down her cheek.
He wiped the tear with the pad of his thumb and gritted his teeth against the sadness that snaked around his heart and squeezed so tight he could barely breathe. “I’m sorry, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, but I’m obviously not very good at being a father and a boyfriend. I’ve failed Evan. I think we need to take a break.”
“I don’t need a break, Caden.Youneed a break. I want to be there for you and for Evan.” She crossed her arms and turned away. “I thought you were all about commitment.”
“I am. I always said that Evan was my top priority. I never hid that from you.” He touched her shoulder, and she pulled gently from his reach. “I’m sorry, Bella, but I think Evan needs me around right now.”
She turned to face him again with damp eyes. “So this is what you do? The going gets tough and you…endthings?” Her shoulders rounded forward.
“That’s not a fair statement. The going gets tough and I…Come on, Bella, I think I’m doing the right thing for Evan. We’re adults; he’s a kid. He needs guidance and attention. I didn’t say I wanted toendthings. I saidtake a break.” He didn’t even know what he meant. He wanted to be with her every second of every day. But he needed to be there for Evan and make sure he got back on the right path without feeling cast aside, and how on earth could he do that if his heart was drawing him out the door?
“Iwantyou, Bella. I just—” He’d kept his eyes off of Evan for too long, and look what almost happened. He needed to remain strong. For Evan.
“Please don’t say any more.” She turned away again, and when she spoke, it was with the same compassionate tone that had reeled him in when he’d first gotten to know her.
“I understand, Caden. I really do. But please, just go. It’s too hard.”
He stood behind her, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around her and press his cheek to hers. He wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but how could he, when he first needed to make sure his son was okay?
He lifted his hands to touch her shoulders—to comfort himself as much as to comfort her—then he lowered them to his sides without ever touching her, feeling impotent and sad.
So, damn sad.
