Page 24 of Sunsets at Seaside
“I developed it.” He stared out at the ocean as if he’d just told her that his name was Jamie or his hair was black.
“Developed it? Like, created it?” She couldn’t fathom the amount of technical knowledge it would take to create such a thing.
He nodded. “Don’t hold my geekiness against me.”
“I won’t if you won’t hold my inability to master it against me.” She scooted closer so their sides were pressed against each other. “I’m stealing your warmth.”
He put his arm around her and kissed her temple. “I’ll happily share my warmth.”
“So what’s it like to do what you do?” She envisioned him sitting in front of a computer all day, but she had no idea what he’d actually do beyond that.
“It’s kind of like juggling about fifty balls at once. My company has twelve hundred employees in Boston and another fifteen hundred overseas. I just launched a new project last summer that integrates several arms of our search engines and brings results to users quicker and with more options using various algorithms—” He tightened his grip on her shoulder. “I’m rambling about something you have no idea about. Talk about boring. Sorry. Basically I do geeky stuff all day and go to a lot of meetings.” He dug his toes into the sand.
“Your eyes light up when you talk about it, so you must enjoy it.” She loved the smile that came with those happy eyes and the creases by his mouth that made her want to kiss him again.
“I wake up excited to get started, and when I finally go to bed at night, which is sometimes at two or three in the morning, because I do my best work at night, I hit the pillow feeling satisfied.”
“Sounds like you’re talking about a lover.” She wrapped her arm around his leg and cuddled in closer, soaking in the ocean breeze as it washed over them.
“Yeah, I guess. But a different type of satisfaction.” He stroked her back, warming her all over. “How about you? Tell me about prim and proper symphony mode.”
She turned and looked at him, expecting to see a taunt in his eyes, but they were dark and serious. “Do you really want to know?”
“I want to know everything you’re willing to share with me.”
Everything?That gave her pause. She’d never felt like her life was very interesting. “Okay, well, in a nutshell, I’ve been playing since I was a little girl. My mom says I always wanted to play, and I don’t remember a time I didn’t want to, so I have to believe her. But I think I also wanted to please her. She’s an incredible cellist, but she never made the cut for the more prestigious symphonies, and I wanted to do that for her. I think I did, anyway. I’m no longer sure about the whys of it all, but I can’t go backward. I can only keep moving toward the brass ring. This summer is my brass ring.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “When I see how your grandmother treats you, it drives home how much I missed with my mom. I long to have a mother who treats me like I’m special for reasons other than my musical abilities. Vera looks at you like she adores the person you are. My father does that, and it makes up for what my mother never did, but still.”
“Babe.” He stroked her back.
“It’s okay, really. I can’t feel bad for myself, because while my mother wasn’t warm when I was growing up, she taught me all the proper things I needed to know to succeed in my field, and I inherited her musical talents, so I should really thank her.”
He gathered her in his arms and held her tight. She closed her eyes and soaked him in. She’d never shared those worries aloud, and she hadn’t realized how deep they cut until that very second when she felt her throat swell and tears dampen her eyes.
“Wouldn’t it be great if we could choose our parents?” Jamie’s voice was solemn.
Jessica remembered that his parents had died. She lifted her head and saw compassion in his eyes. “Jamie. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Here I am complaining about my mother, and yours is…”
“Gone.”
“Yes.” More tears welled in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
He nodded. “You know, I used to carry a lot of anger. I’ve never told anyone this before, but I’m sure my grandmother knows how angry I was. My parents had a lot of money. My father worked on Wall Street. He’d come home late at night, and I’d hear them talking after I was in bed. He’d come into my room, rub my back a little to wake me up, and talk to me about my day. I don’t remember much, just bits and pieces of things. I remember my mom always smiling. She was a nature lover, and I think that’s why she was so excited to go on the safari. She could finally see all the beautiful creatures she had dreamed about and watched on television. And my dad? He would do anything to see her smile. The thing that stood out most about him was the way he looked at my mom, like she was the most incredible person he knew, almost like he fell in love with her over and over again every time he saw her. We used to spend weekends as a family, and I have this feeling, more than a memory, of how much they loved me. But when they were planning their trip, I remember begging them not to go. That I remember clearly.”
“Oh, Jamie.” She caressed his cheek.
He shook his head and looked off in the distance. “I don’t know why I was so against them going. They showed me brochures, and they were so happy about going on this safari that for some reason scared the life out of me.”
“Do you think you knew they were going to run into trouble? I’ve heard of that, young kids having premonitions. They say kids are more open to those types of things.” She could never have this New Agey type of conversation with her parents, and yet, with Jamie, she felt as though she could talk about anything.
He shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe I was just a scared little boy who didn’t want to go to the African bush for a month, or maybe I just didn’t want my parents to go. I don’t know.”
“Were you with them when…?”
“Vera wouldn’t let them take me. She told them that it wasn’t good for me to miss a month of school, and she came to New York to stay with me. I’ve always felt a little guilty about that.” His eyes became hooded, and he looked away.
“I’m so sorry, and I hate that nothing I say can take that pain away.” She climbed into his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, and pressed her cheek to his. “I wish I was there when you were little. I’d have hugged you and told you how loved you were. I’d have listened when you were angry and cried when you were sad.”
His strong arms wrapped around her body and he sighed. “I believe you would have. It was a long time ago.”
