Page 69 of Sunsets at Seaside
“Jamie, I…”I want that, too.But trust was everything in a relationship. Even with her lack of experience, she knew that much. “It wasn’t an error. Jessica Ayers isn’t on the symphony musician list. Jamie, I have never lied to you about a thing. I never even considered lying to you. When you like someone, you’re honest with them. It just goes hand in hand, doesn’t it?” She set her wineglass down on the end table beside the couch and rose to her feet.
Jamie watched her intently, his dark eyes narrow and serious, his thighs tense against his slacks. “Yes, of course. I haven’t lied to you either.”
“Then why would you doubt me?” Her stomach twisted again and she felt flustered.
“Because Mark is manipulative and…” He stood and paced, then stopped before her, looking impossibly handsome and worried.
Totally unfair.Wasn’t she confused enough?
“It’s not Mark’s fault. He didn’t do anything different than he’s always done. He pointed out the obvious. I’m not a fast-moving, carefree guy, Jess.” He paced again and ran his hand through his hair, which only made him sexier because she happened to love that particular mannerism of his.
Jessica tried to keep up with what he was saying, but she was getting distracted by her feelings. She sat back down on the couch and lowered her eyes to her lap.
“I was never a carefree guy, Jess. Never. Not as a kid, not as a teen, and definitely not as an adult—until I met you. You made me forget that I’m supposed to be chained to my work, that I lost my parents, that there’s more to life than working myself into the ground to forget the pain I’ve buried for so long but never really healed from.” His back was to her when he stopped pacing. His broad shoulders rolled forward; he turned slowly, his eyes catching the light from the wall sconce. They were suspiciously damp, shadowed with pain.
“Jamie.” It came out as a whisper. She went to him, circled his neck with her arms and ran her fingers through his thick hair. “My full name is Millicent Jessica Bail-Ayers. I use Millicent Bail professionally.”
His lips curved up and he squeezed her hand. “I wish you had told me that.”
“Didn’t I ever?” She tried to recall every second they’d been together, the things they’d talked about, but her recollections were tangled and fuzzy. Her body wanted to comfort him, hold him, kiss him, help him heal from the loss of his parents, which still plagued him. But her mind was spinning circles about what else he thought she’d lied about, confused about how these types of things could get so convoluted and hurt so badly.
He shook his head. “No. And that shouldn’t have mattered. I should have asked you. I should have dealt with it instead of thinking the worst.”
She took a step back to ground herself for whatever else was yet to come. “What else?”
She watched his Adam’s apple slide up, then down his throat. His hesitation brought her back down to the couch.
“Jamie?”
He knelt before her and placed his hands on the outsides of her thighs. “Jessie. I promised honesty. It would be easier to tell you there was nothing else, but there was. I didn’t know what to believe. Mark was throwing things at me, one after another, when I told him I loved you. Asking how long we had really known each other, where you lived, where you grew up. Jess, I didn’t know even the basic things about you, and it didn’t bother me at all. Then he reminded me about women I’ve dated who have pretended to be something that they weren’t. He’s a jerk, there’s no doubt, but he’s also been my friend. A good friend aside from the asinine things he’s said to women. He’s had my back and saved me from a lot of headaches.” He ran his hands up the outsides of her thighs and fisted them in the fabric by her hips. The strain in his voice mirrored that in his face and arms. “Jess, I’m not making excuses, for him or for me. I’m just doing a lousy job of explaining.”
“I’m still confused, Jamie. I’m sorry. What on earth did you think I lied about?”
“Jessie, I’ve been lied to by men and women.”
“Jamie. Just tell me.” She was breathing harder now.
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them he met her gaze and held it. “I didn’t know what to believe about any of it. Where you lived, what you did for a living…how many men you’d slept with.”
JAMIE FELT HER body go rigid.No. No, no, no.He had to make her understand before he lost her forever.
“Jess, I…there was so much going on in my head, and things were so messed up. You were crying, I kicked a naked woman out of Mark’s room, clocked him and left him bleeding.”
Jamie never knew so many things could happen in the space of two breaths. Jessica’s eyes went from confused, to appalled, to angry, to distraught. Her face fell flat, her lips drew south, and he felt her slipping away. She leaned back and turned her head, her eyes cold and distant.
“Jessie, please. I knew you didn’t lie. In my heart I didn’t think you were playing me, but—”
“But the doubt was there.” Her voice was a thin thread. “You weren’t sure if you could believe me after I opened my heart to you. Opened my soul and my body, Jamie.” Her voice shook. “I know for other women it’s easy to open themselves up to men, to let them touch their most intimate parts and to reciprocate.” She turned toward him, looking battered and bruised from the inside out.
“Jessie, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Please,” she whispered. Tears streamed down her cheeks, each one dragging his heart deeper into darkness. “What hurts the most is that itwaseasy to open up to you. Toyou, Jamie, because I trusted you.”
Trusted.
“Jess, you can trust me. It was a momentary doubt. I called you that night and wanted to talk about it, but you never called back. I looked for your address online, but there was no Jessica Ayers listed anywhere. I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t listed with the BSO, so I didn’t think I’d find you there. Mark gave me an envelope with what I’m sure is everything anyone could ever want to know about you, and I never opened it. I have no intention of opening it, but you need to know it exists.” This time it was him drawing in a hampered breath. “And then…I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to see for myself. I called Kurt’s brother, and he arranged for me to get tickets for tonight’s concert. But the nightmare at my office ran late, and by the time I got there it was over.”
Her expression had gone blank.
