Page 21 of Secrets at Seaside
“Tony…” She pressed her lips to the center of his chest, and he felt the walls around his heart crumble a little more. “I can’t deal with the past, not now. But you’re human. Any man would have made love to me in that way and filled that empty place with other women when I sent you away.”
“Not when they loved someone else.”
She dropped her eyes, and in that moment he realized what shewasn’tsaying. She’d been with other men. Of course she had. He’d known that, hadn’t he?
“Yeah, they would,” she whispered.
He pushed away thoughts of her with anyone else and focused on them. “Bull. Caden and Peter, do you think they would be with other women? Even for a second? Kurt, for Pete’s sake?”
She laughed again. “Uh, yeah. If they’d been…if they’d gone through…”
She couldn’t even say the words, and he knew, at least on some level, that they’d never be able to move forward until theybothdealt with their loss.
“It’s normal,” she whispered.
“I never wanted to keep things secret back then, and I allowed myself to be swayed. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you deserve a man who is better than normal.”
“Tony, I don’t know where you got the idea that I should be put on a pedestal, but I shouldn’t. I’m the one who sent you away. I’m the one who couldn’t handle it.” Her thighs were still pressed against his. She had to feel how just being close to her again, allowing himself tofeelagain,with her, changed his very being, swamping him with memories of their love and the connection he’d never stopped feeling—memories of their bodies as close as conjoined twins.
“Don’t sell yourself short,” he said.
“Tony.” She sighed. “I’m addicted to my label maker. I have the body of a prepubescent girl, and I can’t hold my liquor.” She ran her fingers up his back, sending heat to all the right—and wrong-for-the-moment—places. “I can’t deal with heavy things. I hide from them. I don’t deserve a second look, much less to be put up on a pedestal.”
“Let me be the judge of what you deserve, okay?”
She leaned in so close her breath brushed over his bare chest. Torture. Pure, unadulterated torture.
“No,” she whispered. “You aren’t a good judge of what I need, because what I need is right here, right now. We don’t have to deal with the past. I have no idea why you think you’re not good enough to be with me, but from the feel of things, I think you want to be.”
He narrowed his eyes and gripped her shoulders. “I never said I wasn’t good enough. I said youdeservedbetter. There’s a difference.” He was powerless to resist sliding his hand down her hip to the curve of her thigh, inciting a sexy mew from Amy.
“You’re the best, Tony. Can’t you see that? You’re one of the top three surfers in the country. People pay money for you to tell themhowto live their lives. Who could be better than you?” Her breathing became shallow as he dropped his other hand to her thigh.
He had driven himself to succeed in his career, but he’d never pushed himself to be the best boyfriend he could be. He’d pretty much spent his life avoiding being a boyfriend, because every other woman was a substitute for the one he really wanted. The one he really needed. The woman he truly believed deserved more than a guy who hadn’t fought for her all those years ago when she’d sent him away, a guy who had never been able to commit to a long-term relationship since—and worried now that he might let her down.
“It’s not about how successful I am, Amy. I need to prove to myself that I can be the man you deserve, and I need to prove it to you before I can call you mine again. I need to know I’ll never risk your health again. I mean, I know it already, but I need to prove it to us both.” He wanted to kiss her, to slide his hands across her beautiful body and finally take what had felt likehisfor way too long, but he held back. They needed to deal with the past, but he couldn’t say that now. She’d come a long way. For the first time in fourteen years, she acknowledged that they’d been together. That was huge. A start. A frigging blessing.
“Maybe you don’t know what I need after all,” she challenged.
He breathed deeply, trying to ignore the way every bit of him wanted to give in to what she wanted. But Tony wasn’t a man who believed in doing things he’d regret. Not anymore, and especially not with Amy.
“I know you better than you know yourself. Can’t you see that?” He tangled his hands in her hair and tilted her head back. “You’re everything to me, Amy. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep.” He pulled her impossibly closer and lowered his mouth so their lips were a heartbeat away.
“It’s your voice I hear pushing me through those treacherous swells, and it’s your voice I hear in my head right now, guiding me to do the right thing by you.”
He had to kiss her. Just one kiss. He wasn’t strong enough to leave without one kiss, restaking his claim, showing her how much he loved her.
“I’m not worthy of a pedestal,” she whispered.
“You’re so very worthy.” He paused to keep himself from lowering his lips to hers.
“Statues are put on pedestals,” she whispered, blinking up at him. Her fingernails, which had grazed his skin so lightly, dug into his back. “Statues are cold and hard. I’m warm and soft in all the right places, not at all like a statue.”
She was reaching so far out of the way she normally behaved that he clenched his jaw just to try to remain in control.
“You say all the right things, Amy, but I know you. You’re going to wake up conflicted tomorrow, and I don’t blame you.”
His heart threatened to burst through his chest as he tightened his grip in her silky hair and whispered, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do this. It will only muddy the waters, but, Amy…I can’t wait a second longer.”
