Page 26 of Secrets at Seaside
The ease of their friendship was strained by the past. Tony didn’t have a goal when he’d asked Amy to stay with him. He just wanted to be with her, see where things went, in the same way he’d fallen in love with her all those years ago. He hadn’t planned it. He’d fallen more in love with her second after second, day after day, year after year. He hadn’t tried, and at first he hadn’t even realized it was happening. They’d been drawn together in a way that felt natural and very real.
Tony knew by the way her eyes were dragging over every person they walked past that Amy was searching for the ugliest suit. The thought made him smile. They no longer needed to use the game as a cover, and they were no longer confined by keeping their attraction a secret, but it felt as though they were facing new barriers. Barriers dividing the past from the present and another line of hurdles between the present and the future.
The summer they’d found each other, he’d known his feelings were bigger than anything he’d ever experienced, and now, despite the barriers that seemed insurmountable and the pain he knew lay in wait, those feelings rushed forward at breakneck speed, with the intensity of a board snapping in two, hard and fast.
Unstoppable.
Chapter Nine
“ORANGE BATHING SUIT,” Tony whispered in her ear.
Amy scanned the beach, glad for the distraction from her thoughts. Her eyes landed on an old man wearing neon-orange bathing trunks.
“That’s a winner.” She was so nervous that she had no idea how she was walking, much less talking. She silently prayed that Tony wouldn’t try to bring up the past, and battling with those thoughts were equally as determined wishes that things could go back to the way their relationship had been a week ago. When they were able to walk with his arm slung over her shoulder and her only worry was if it was because he liked her or if he was just being Tony. But she’d wanted answers, and now she had them—and she was glad she had them—but that didn’t make all this discomfort any easier.
She tried to focus on the positive. At least now she knew the truth.
She knew whatjust being Tonymeant. He was protecting her, getting close in the only way he could, but she wasn’t ready to turn away her dream job for a tenuous relationship teetering on intangible things she wasn’t sure she could handle. And yet even having taken the job in Australia, she wanted more with Tony. She didn’t want to revisit the past, but she darn well wanted a future with him, even if she had no idea how to make it work. It was time to suck up her fear and face the music.
She reached for his hand, and for the first time ever, she felt the slightest hesitation in his grip. Was she pushing him away? Losing him over her unwillingness to face the past? The thought scared her. She drew in a breath of courage and walked closer to him. He glanced at her, the sun striking his bangs as they dusted his eyes, and his mouth quirked up in a half smile. She wrapped her other hand around his biceps. Leaning her cheek against his arm didn’t feel as unnatural as she feared it might after last night, and when he leaned down and kissed the top of her head, she knew everything had changed and stayed the same all at once.
Which only made whatever they were doing more confusing. But still she was unwilling to pull away and dissect it like she should.
“I’ve missed you,” Tony said as he kicked the surf.
“I’m always around.” She knew that wasn’t what he meant, but her nerves weren’t making it easy to find the right response.
“No. I mean I’ve missed you for all these years, Ames.” He gazed down at her with a piercing stare that told her exactly what he meant.
He wanted this. Her.Them.
She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came. He unlaced their fingers and draped an arm over her shoulder. When he pulled her against him, she felt like she was on the precipice of the past and the present. How could she cross that line without getting lost in the pain?
Tony stopped walking and turned her toward him. He slid his hands beneath her hair and tilted her head up. It was the same intimate caress that they’d shared so many times that summer, and it still made her insides hot and melty.
“Everyone has a past. I have mine, you have yours, and we have ours. No matter what it takes, I will prove to you that our past, no matter how hurtful, didn’t ruin the future we could have. Only we can either make that happen or run from it. It’s our decision this time, Amy. There are no outside influences that can push us one way or the other. There’s only you and me and what could be.”
Amy didn’t think as she went up on her toes and reached her hand around his neck. He met her halfway, and their lips came together in a warm and wonderful kiss, filled with passion and sprinkled with worry. It was sweet and rough at once, like the path they had to travel to figure out their lives.
When they finally drew apart, Tony pressed another soft kiss to her mouth, then her forehead, before settling his cheek against hers and whispering, “I’ve made my decision. I’m going to prove I’m your man.”
“Tony.”
He searched her eyes. She wished she could pretend she didn’t feel doubt or pain, but they were there, lingering in the corners of her mind.
“I’m not perfect, Amy, but I’m going to try.”
She trapped her lip between her teeth to steel herself against tears over the sincerity in his voice. Her dreams were coming true, and she was scared to pieces.
“All I ask is that if you decide you’re going to walk away this time, please, Amy, don’t go silently. Talk to me first. Give me a chance. I can’t take being thrown away again. Not by you. Not if I take down my walls and let you in.”
She lost the battle, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Tony wiped them away with his thumb. “Please,” he whispered.
She managed a nod, feeling sick to her stomach for having hurt him so badly. They began walking down the beach again, and she forced her voice to work. He deserved to hear what she’d been hiding behind for so long.
“I was scared.” She didn’t recognize the tentative strain in her voice, though it resonated with her feelings as she fought to tell Tony the truth.
“I know. So was I. I thought I’d lost you forever.”
