Page 28 of Secrets at Seaside
“Do you want to see if we can salvage our relationship?” he asked. “Or do you only want a relationship with me if I can pretend the past never happened?”
She’d been asking herself that for the past hour. She’d been so in love with him for so long that she hadn’t considered that if they ever got back together, their relationship was dependent upon her confronting their past. And ever since they’d kissed, she’d thought of nothing else. She knew the only answer she could give was one he wouldn’t want to hear. How could she tell him that she didn’t know if she would ever be able to deal with the past? Or that she was scared they might not survive uncovering all the hurt they’d survived? How could she tell him that she feared that discussing it would cost her any chance she had with him? The longer she remained silent, the more worried his eyes became, and then, as if he were remembering a joke, his lips curved into a smile and he stroked her cheek.
“Take your time, babe. I deserve the torture.”
She wasn’t out to torture him, although this whole conversation was torturous for them both. She asked herself again how she could tell him the truth, and the answer became clear. Because the truth was the only answer shecouldgive.
“I don’t know what I can handle. But I know I want you.”
Chapter Ten
“A DATE!” JENNA sat on the edge of Amy’s bed in a pair of daisy dukes and a purple tank top that made her tiny waist look even smaller. She fell onto her back, kicked her feet up in the air, and wiggled her purple toenails. “A real date with Tony. Oh, Amy, this is amazing!”
Amy stood in her closet, fidgeting with the edge of her shorts. “I don’t know about amazing, but…Who am I kidding? Yeah, it’s pretty amazing.” She was thrilled that Tony wanted to try to be like a normal couple.Date, talk, and see where things go. It was the talking part that frightened her. She really didn’t know what she was capable of handling without panicking. Or running away. She definitely did not want to run away. All of the excitement over Tony overshadowed her lingering indecision about the job in Australia. And now, as Leanna waltzed in and out of Amy’s closet, holding up dresses and outfits, and Bella paced the room, a whole new panic was setting in.
She couldn’t betray her friends’ trust any longer. When the past was put away completely—safely tucked away in the land of denial—she could pretend she wasn’t keeping such a big secret from them, but now that she and Tony had opened Pandora’s box, the guilt pressed in on her.
“This will be interesting, Amy. I mean, how do you decide if you stay at his cottage or yours?” Bella crossed her arms and stared up at the ceiling. “Or maybe you go back and forth. One night there, one night here.”
“But remember to close the windows,” Leanna said as she held up a blue sundress. “This would be pretty.”
Close the windows.Maybe she could close the windows on her past. Or rather, keep them closed and continue to pretend it never happened. Did her friends really need to know?
Jenna jumped off the bed and headed into the closet. “No. She needs something sexier.”
“Oh my gosh. Amy.” Bella grabbed her arm. Her blond hair was pinned up in a messy ponytail, and she was still wearing her bathing suit beneath her sundress. “You took the job in Australia. What will you tell Duke?”
She hadn’t thought that far ahead. To be fair to Duke, she probably needed to make a decision sooner rather than later. But she wasn’t ready to make a decision. Her heart screamed for her to stay with Tony, but they were like a garden that had just been seeded, and she wasn’t sure that one big storm wouldn’t wash them away. She needed time to think things through, and tonight she’d barely been able to think about getting dressed.
“It’s too early to worry about that, don’t you think? I mean, we’re just going on a date.” Now she was lying to herselfandto her friends. She knew perfectly well that she and Tony were rekindling a summer of the deepest love she’d ever known, and the only love she’d ever wanted.
“When are you supposed to start the job?” Bella asked.
“December. I was going to give my clients enough notice to try to hire someone to replace me, well, the few who wouldn’t be able to continue working with me remotely.”
Jenna tugged at Amy’s T-shirt. “Take this off.”
Amy pulled her shirt over her head.
“Put this on.” Jenna handed her a slinky silver dress.
“I am not wearing that. This isTony, remember? Think casual, comfortable, sexy but subtle. I don’t want to wear something that makes me feel like I’m someone I’m not.”I’m having enough trouble figuring out who I am at the moment.“I need a dress that says,It’s me, only better.” She reached past Jenna and pulled out a green print halter-top dress with a beaded neckline that gathered in the middle.
“This is one I’m comfortable in. I love the black and yellow flowers at the bottom, and I think it makes my little boobs look at least a little bigger. Don’t you think?” Amy put it on and twirled in a circle.
“Oh, Ames,” Jenna said. “You’re going to knock his socks off. You’re so lucky. You don’t need extra-sexy clothes. You look like a million bucks.”
“A millionsexybucks.” Leanna handed her a pair of silver sandals.
“Oh, no.” Jenna grabbed the sandals and crouched in Amy’s closet, shaking her head while she inspected Amy’s footwear options. “You cannot wear silver sandals with a casual sundress. Here, wear these black ones. They match the flowers.” Jenna swiveled around and slipped them on Amy’s feet. “And I think you look like a mile-high wave. We are talking about a date with Tony, after all.”
“Thanks, Jenna. So?” Amy held her hands out to her sides and looked down at her dress.
“Gorgeous. But you need earrings,” Jenna said.
“I’m already on it.” Bella pulled a pair of earrings out of the pocket of her dress and held her palm out flat.
Amy stared at the surfboard earrings in Bella’s hand. Her stomach tumbled. “Where did you get those?” They were the earrings Tony had given her that summer. He’d bought them when they had all gone to Provincetown for an afternoon.
