Page 34 of Secrets at Seaside
“Okay, enough mushy stuff. Was it wonderful?” Jenna leaned in close, eyes wide. “Or were your expectations too high? Sometimes that happens. You know, when you’ve thought about being with some guy for so long and then it’s like…Oh, really? That kinda sucked.”
“Been there, done that,” Bella added.
“Usually it’s the guy thinking that in my case.” Leanna frowned.
“Not true.” Amy had learned to cover her abstinence by embellishing what shediddo with guys. She’d had to learn to embellish in college in order to save face with the other girls in her dorm whohadn’tlost a baby and given up the man they loved in the course of a few hours. That bundle of guilt rolled out again, and she kicked it away.
Leanna nodded. “Totally true, but I don’t care. Kurt loves how I am in bed, and he’s the only man I want or need. Gosh, remember how scared I was to sleep with him? I was so awkward in bed, and my rhythm was always off.”
“Kurt seems to have fixed that,” Jenna said. “Night after night after night, according to the sound track of your love life…thanks to open windows.”
“Remember that one guy I slept with a few years ago who said he’dexpected moreafter we’d done it for nearly an hour?” Bella laughed. “What did he expect, a gold-plated coochie?”
They all laughed, while Amy wallowed in guilt. Her friends had shared their secrets over the years, but she’d kept hers close to her chest. So close it nearly smothered her.
“Right, Ames?” Bella tapped her arm.
“What?” Uh oh. She hadn’t realized they were talking to her.
“Wow. Last night must have been really something. You zoned out there.” Bella pushed Amy’s mug toward her mouth. “Drink a little more before Tony comes back and wants to ravish you again.”
Amy’s mind sifted through potential outcomes of telling her friends what she’d gone through and how she’d lied to them. They’d never trust her again. How could they when she had kept such a big secret?
“Amy?” Leanna patted her leg. “Are you okay? Did things not end well last night?”
“No. It was perfect, actually.” More perfect than she could have imagined.
“Does this mean you’ll stay and turn down the job with Duke?” Bella asked.
“Oh no. Duke. What am I going to do?” Duke was a friend, and he was offering her an opportunity of a lifetime. Although she had accepted the job only a few days ago, she couldn’t just blow him off. Maybe he’d understand. But maybe she was rushing things. What if she and Tony didn’t work out? It had been a long time, and—
“Did he slip you a brain-numbing pill last night or something?” Bella asked.
“That would be called a triple orgasm,” Jenna quipped.
For once in her life she could actually agree with Jenna’s assessment and it would be true, but sharing those details of her and Tony’s intimacy seemed like a betrayal to him. Amy’s pulse sped up. There were so many things to think about, and she felt ill equipped to handle any of them.
“Okay, something is very wrong here.” Bella took Amy’s mug from her and set it on the bedside table. She brushed Amy’s hair from her shoulders, and her voice turned serious. “Honey, what is it? We’re here for you. If it’s good, bad, or complicated, we can help.”
“Maybe Tony couldn’t…you know,” Jenna whispered.
Amy shook her head. “It’s nothing like that. Tony is…He’s exactly who he’s always been. He’s a thoughtful and caring lover.”
“Then what is it?” Bella asked.
I need to do this.She swallowed hard, trying to push away the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“What I’m going to tell you might change our friendships, and I just want you guys to know how much I love you and that I do trust you.” Amy drew in a deep breath as the others exchanged worried glances.
“You’re scaring me a little.” Leanna set her coffee down and fidgeted with the edge of her pajama shorts.
“Well, it scares me a lot.” She needed to come clean to her friends, no matter how much it hurt to do it. She had a momentary thought about telling Tony she was going to share their past with them, but one look at her friends and she knew she didn’t need his permission. This was her burden from the start. Her secret. It had to be her decision to reveal it.
She pulled her shoulders back and sat up straighter, needing to be brave. “Do you guys remember the summer before we went away to college?”
“How could we forget?” Jenna asked. “It was amazing. Parties, learning to surf, picking up those hitchhiking surfers in your convertible on the way to the beach.”
“Remember Leanna’s brothers trying to hit on the female lifeguards?” Bella patted the sheets while she laughed. “That was the funniest. The guards were like,A nerd, a musclehead, and a guy who likes fireworks a little too much. No thanks. Little did they know how hot they’d grow up to be.”
