Page 44 of Secrets at Seaside
“She doesn’t need to relive that summer any more than I do.”
“Or maybe she does. And maybe you do, too. I think it’s worth talking about. She’s probably carrying around a lot of guilt, too. She was there, too, remember?”
Tony breathed deeply. “Maybe. Probably. The truth is, I’m not sure Iwantto revisit it.”
“Too painful?” she asked.
Guilt poured from his lips before he could stop it. “If we hadn’t gotten together, you wouldn’t have spent fourteen years not allowing yourself to get close to another man. You would have fallen in love and been loved the way you deserve. My father, as difficult as he was sometimes, probably would have been right.”
Amy dropped her eyes, and he lifted her chin so he could face his own demons.
“I am so deeply sorry for everything you went through, but I’ll never be sorry for loving you. I’m sorry about what it did to you, butnotfor loving you.”
“Tony, it wasn’t just what happened that kept me from falling for some other guy. Even if I’d never gotten pregnant, I was in love with you. That never changed. Not for one second over those years. It was that love that pulled me through that hard time as much as it was that love that caused it.”
“But you missed out on so much.”
“Did I?” Her green eyes were serious, her brows knitted together. “How many women made you feel loved over the years? How many of the women you slept with did you want to have a future with?” She held up her hands, silencing his answer. “It’s a rhetorical question. What I mean is that I’ve watched Bella and Jenna, Leanna, and Jessica all fall in love, and the one thing that seemed to be consistent is that when they really fell for their men, when they gave up thefearof falling in love, they never questioned it. They felt like the other guys were, well, not exactly meaningless, but definitely not meaningful.”
Amy inched closer, so their lips were almost touching, and she stared into Tony’s eyes. “I have never questioned my love for you. Not once. I could have slept with plenty of men over the years, and if I hadn’t gotten pregnant and lost the baby, who knows what might have happened between us. Maybe we would have told everyone eventually and stayed together, but maybe we would have broken up. Maybe we needed those years apart so that you could sow your oats—and please don’t tell me you had no oats to sow, because we both know that would be a lie.”
Tony wished he could laugh at that, but he knew Amy was right. When his surfing career had first taken off, there were women throwing themselves at him day and night. It was commonplace to have young girls tossing their bikini tops in his direction at parties after a big win, and he was only human. He’d like to believe he never would have hurt her or cheated on her, but the pressures were so great. How could he be sure?
“But you didn’t get to sow yours.” He hadn’t realized how guilty he felt about Amy never sleeping with another man until right now.
Amy shook her head, smiled. “You do know who you are talking to, right? Lettingyousee me naked is about as wild as I get. That’s never going to change. The only thing I missed out on was being in your arms, so don’t you ever let yourself feel guilty for something I never wanted.”
“How did I get lucky enough to deserve you?” Tony pressed his lips to hers, feeling like tonight had opened several more doors to their future, and he intended to walk through them—even if the path was covered in glass.
Chapter Fourteen
THE NEXT DAY Tony took Evan surfing, and Amy spent the afternoon down by the pool with Jenna. Leanna and Kurt had gone back to their house on the bay. Leanna had received a big order for her new flavor, Sweet Heat, and she needed to work all day to fill it. Jenna was lying on a lounge chair beside Amy, baking in the hot sun.
“Did I see Theresa’s car this morning?” Amy asked.
“Yeah. She got here early.” Jenna stretched. “I think she went into Orleans to the grocery store.”
“I haven’t seen much of her this summer. It’ll be nice to see her.” Amy waved to Bella as she came through the pool gate. Her hair was secured at the base of her neck with an elastic band, and she had on a pair of enormous plastic sunglasses.
“Did you get your stuff done?” Amy asked.
“I can’t imagine what could be more important than lying here with us,” Jenna said.
Bella wiggled her eyebrows.
“What was that look for? Oh no. What do you have planned?” Amy leaned up on her elbow and shaded her eyes. Bella was the community prankster, and she had a glint of mischief in her eyes.
“Planned? Nothing.” Bella tossed her towel on a chair and sauntered over to the pool.
Amy and Jenna exchanged a disbelieving eye roll and followed her in.
“Theresa should be back from the grocery store soon.” Amy watched Bella’s smile grow. “Oh, no. Bella. Tell me you didn’t do something to Theresa. Remember how well Thong Thursday went over last summer? I think she’s so far on to you that you can’t do anything to surprise her anymore.” The previous summer Bella had hung a sign up by the pool announcing Thong Thursday. Jessica, who had been a new renter that summer, had taken it seriously, when, in fact, thongs were forbidden according to the Homeowner Association documents, which Theresa not only adhered to, but strictly enforced for the community. Theresa had gotten the best of Bella last year by wearing a thong down to the pool herself.
“Yeah, well, this year will be better. Trust me.” Bella tossed a raft to Jenna and a foam noodle to Amy, and they soaked up the rays.
“How did Tony like the slide show last night?” Jenna asked. “I was so tempted to beg you to let us stay. I wanted to watch it on the dunes.”
“Well, I’m glad we were alone. It was tough to watch, because of his dad and all that’s happened. But I think it helped us to deal with everything. One thing we did notice is the way we looked at each other that summer. I can’t believe no one recognized it for what it was.”
