Page 54 of Secrets at Seaside
“It wouldn’t be the same position. We’re adults, and the pill is ninety-nine percent effective.”
His eyes grew serious. “I told you I’d always take care of you, and a one percent chance is one percent riskier than you deserve.”
“Isn’t that being a little overprotective?” She ran her fingers lightly over his chest.
“Maybe.” He brushed his lips over hers. “I’ve learned my lesson. No more taking chances where you’re concerned. You’re my life now, kitten.” He took her in another soul-searing kiss.
“Then let me be your life. Love all of me.Feelall of me.”
He gazed up at her. “I want to do the right thing.”
“This is the absolute right thing. I want to feelyoufrom now on. I want that with all my heart. I never want anything between us again.”
“I don’t either. Including the past. I was thinking about your suggestion, about going to my father’s grave.”
“Yeah?” She’d suggested it on the way to the Beachcomber last night, and he’d said he would consider it.
Tony pushed himself up on one elbow. “I think it’s a good idea.”
“You do?” She felt her eyes bloom wide and tried to rein in her hope that this might bring him some relief from the hurt he tried so hard to hide. He was good at putting on a brave face. Amy hadn’t realized how good until she’d allowed herself to revisit the memories of that tragic summer again. Now she understood the strength it had taken for him to not only walk away from her that night at her dorm but to keep from pushing her away all these years.
“If you don’t have any plans, maybe we could drive out to Rhode Island together to visit his grave.”
“Tony, I would love that.” She could hardly believe they’d come this far. “I’ve decided not to talk to my father about that summer. I think it’s time I have a different talk with him. It’s time for me to cut his umbilical cord. I’m going to clear the air with him, but about how he hovers over me, not about you and me. What we do is private.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with that? He might not like it.”
“I’ve only remained under his thumb out of guilt. I don’t feel guilty about my mom leaving anymore. I never should have. It wasn’t my place, but I was never strong enough to draw that line. As we’ve come back together, I realized that it’s time.” She squeezed his hand, knowing it was the right thing to do.
“I support you any way you want to handle it. Just let me know what I can do to help.” He kissed her softly. “Will you consider doing one more thing for me?”
“Anything.”
He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a long, warm kiss to it; then he gazed into her eyes. She wanted to lie right there for hours. Just like that, staring into his deep blue eyes and wondering what he wanted. She loved the not knowing, and the anticipation of readily agreeing to whatever it might be. She loved pleasing him. She loved seeing the relief and love in his eyes when they found each other after a few hours apart and the way his arms engulfed her, making her feel safe and warm.
“Anything,” she whispered again.
“Let’s put the past where it belongs and really move forward.”
“I want that.”
He stared at her for a long moment with loving eyes and spoke just above a whisper. “Surf with me again.”
There were a million things that Amy was ready to agree to. This wasn’t anywhere near the list.
Chapter Seventeen
MONDAY MORNING HEAT beat down on Tony’s back and rose from the pavement, burning from all angles as he ran toward the bay. He’d gotten up early to try to get his head around visiting his father’s grave. He hadn’t been to the cemetery since the year after his father died, when he’d visited with his mother on the anniversary of his father’s death.
My father’s death.
He pushed himself harder and kicked up his speed with the thought.ALS. Tony had Googled the disease last night, and by the time he’d finished reading, he felt like he could barely move.Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.The fatal disease was also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. He couldn’t fathom what must have gone through his father’s mind after being diagnosed with such a vicious disease. His father had taught him to bike, to fish, to lift weights. His father had taught him to surf when he was six years old. Tony smiled at the memory as the bay came into view and sea air filled his lungs.
His father was a casual surfer. He had tried so hard to get Tony to go slow, take surfing one step at a time, but Tony would have no part of it. From the second the board was in his hands, he was a shark and the waves were his prey. He had to have them, to master them. To rule them. No one ruled waves. Tony knew that, but that didn’t stop the six-year-old boy from trying—and failing—so many times that his father begged him to stop and try another day. They’d stayed in the water until Tony’s entire body was numb and until he’d caught so many waves and swallowed so much sea water that it became part of who he was.
His father had been agile and strong, even if more academic in nature. He was tall and broad, with a flat stomach and a sharp mind. Tony ran down the beach trying to reconcile the image of his father then with the image he’d allowed to take over his memories. The soft-bellied man with a sharp temper, harsh nature…and ALS.
Tony pounded out step after step on the uneven sand as he thought of what he’d read about the fatal neurological disease that his father had faced. His father had been staring at the end of his life in clear view, regardless of if it was a year or two or only months away. It had become too real for him. He’d known what lay ahead: gradual degeneration and death of motor neurons. Eventually his brain’s ability to control his voluntary muscle movements would have been lost completely.
