Page 56 of Secrets at Seaside
Zilch.
Amy crouched beside him and placed her hand on his thigh. Her green eyes were full of compassion, and there he was feeling…normal.
“You okay?” she asked.
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He reached out and traced his father’s name on the headstone.Jack Black.His mouth quirked up in a smile.
“Jack Frigging Black.”
“Well, yeah. That was his name.”
Tony covered his mouth, not wanting to seem insincere in front of Amy as his mind linked his father to the comedic actor for the first time ever, but he was barely able to cover his smile. The whole situation suddenly seemed absurd. When a laugh bubbled from his lungs, he sank down to his butt and pulled his knees up, tried again to cover his mouth, and finally gave in to the laughter.
“What is so funny?” Amy sat down beside him.
“This. All of it.”
Amy’s eyes grew serious. “I don’t follow.”
“Amy, my dad was a great guy. I mean, he really was a great guy. He taught me everything I know.”
“Yeah, but that summer…”
“That summer he was a jerk, and I was probably a stubborn jackass who thought he was going to be the world’s best surfer. I didn’t care what he thought about my career choice.” He took Amy’s hand in his. “Amy, I was twenty. All I wanted was to spend time with you and surf. That was it. Anything else was an inconvenience.”
“Yeah, but why is that funny?”
“Because look at the whole situation. I was twenty years old andstillspending the summer with my family. Who does that? Twenty-year-olds are out working internships or they’re spending summers drinking and hanging out with friends. And there I was, a young man, trying to live a sane summer in a three-bedroom cottage with my parents. Ridiculous.”
“But…”
“Do you know why I even went to the Cape that summer?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. “I went because I knew you’d be there. I went because I thought I was a mini celebrity and you’d finally notice me. And then we hid our relationship—from everyone. My head was so messed up by all of it. It’s no wonder I wiped every memory I had of my father being this great guy from my mind. I blamed him for us keeping the relationship secret as much as I blamed your father. I was pissed and in love and I wastwenty. You can’t live with your parents for eight weeks at that age. Not as a man. Twenty-year-old men are all testosterone and attitude. They have no business being under the same roof as their parents for more than three days, tops.”
Amy crossed her legs and folded her arms across her chest. “Well, I liked who you were, and I didn’t appreciate the things I heard him say to you.”
“That’s because you loved me, babe. You wouldn’t have wanted anyone to say things that opposed my choices, the same way that I would have gone to the ends of the earth to keep anyone from saying things that went against your dreams. I’m not saying my father isn’t guilty of doing all those things we’ve talked about. I’m just saying that I see the situation more clearly. I understand a little more why he wasn’t himself.”
He smiled to let her know how much lighter he felt.
“I wasn’t just avoiding dealing with my father’s death all these years. I was avoiding dealing with us, who we were. Because dealing with who we were would have meant taking a chance that you really didn’t want me anymore and that I was holding out hope for something that might not ever come to fruition.”
Amy bumped him with her shoulder. “I call bull on you with that one. I made it clear how much I wanted you for all these years. I practically drooled every time I saw you.”
“Yeah, but you were drinking every time you acted like you wanted me in that way. I didn’t trust that it was real.”
“Tsk!How can that be? I thought guys were all about taking it when they could get it.” She turned away. “You turned me down so many times, it’s a wonder I got up the courage to keep trying.”
He ran his finger down her cheek, bringing her attention back to him.
“Because, kitten.” Every hint of humor left him as his tone turned serious. “You sent me away once without ever looking back. I couldn’t take a chance that you’d do that again. It would have killed me.”
“Or maybe it would have saved us both,” she said with a pouty frown.
Saved us both. He wasn’t sure if she meant that chancing it would have saved them years of heartache because they would have worked things out, or something else, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t change the past, but he could build on their lightened mood.
He pulled her into his lap, his voice thick with sarcasm. “Maybe if I had gone to college I would have known that.”
“Yeah, because a finance or business degree would have helped you to understand girls a little better.” She batted her eyelashes playfully.
