Page 81 of Nights at Seaside
“Why don’t you take the day off?” Amy suggested. “We can hang out at the pool and relax.”
Sky glanced down at the pool, and the memories of making love with Sawyer before going skinny-dipping with the girls came rushing back.
“I think I need to be alone, but thanks for the offer.”
By midafternoon Sky had rearranged her shop, given three customers tattoos, and thought about Sawyer every single second. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Bella was right. By walking away, she had done the same thing he was doing. She’d walked out on them. Ended their relationship. Torn them apart. But was that her fault? Did she have any other choice? Maybe she should wait it out. Pretend he wasn’t fighting that one last fight and then go see him when it was over.
If he wasn’t brain damaged—or worse.
She couldn’t go a minute without thinking about him. How could she pretend he wasn’t risking his life in a fight? And why should she have to? Shouldn’t he love her—himself, his family—enough to want to remain healthy and cognitively aware?
He does love his family. That’s why he’s fighting.
Even her own brain was making her crazy. She walked outside and inhaled the fresh air, hoping to clear her head. People of all ages walked through the streets laughing and talking, carrying shopping bags, eating ice cream, and holding hands. A month ago she’d have been just fine chatting with people as they passed by the shop, but now? Now she wanted to cry just watching people enjoy what she’d never have with Sawyer.
She tried to distract herself from the pain by tallying what she still had.
I finally own my own tattoo shop.
I have a great apartment.
Great friends.
A wonderful, loving family.
She glanced in the window of Lizzie’s store and saw her talking with Blue. She’d been hoping they’d start dating, but now she almost wished they wouldn’t. She didn’t want either of them to ever go through the pain she was going through.
“How is my favorite tatty girl?”
Sky turned at the sound of Marcus’s happy voice. He was dressed as Marcus today, in a pair of dark cargo shorts and a yellow tank top, his hair brushed away from his face and not a speck of makeup on his clean-shaven face. His eyes rolled over her face, and his smile turned to a grim line.
“Oh, my, sugar.” He opened his arms and pulled her into a hug. “You look like someone stole your tattoo guns. Let Marcus make it all better.” He patted her back, and when he drew away and searched her eyes, it was all she could do to keep from crying. “Come.” He pulled her down to the stoop in front of the shop and sat with one arm around her, the other holding her hand in his. “Tell me all about it.”
“I’m fine,” she lied.
“You arefine, as in hot, but this.” He used his index finger and drew circles in front of her face. “This is not fine. This isI’ve given up on even trying to look fine. I smell trouble with Mr. Sawyer.”
Sky exhaled and dropped her eyes. She couldn’t talk about Sawyer, because if she did, those tears she’d been holding back would break free, and that was the last thing she needed.
“Marcus, can I ask you a really unfair question?”
He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. “Doesn’t everyone?”
She knew that Marcus and many of the drag queens around Provincetown were asked tactless questions by inquisitive tourists.
“This isreallyunfair, and you don’t have to answer me, but I don’t know how else to figure this out.” She met his gaze and took another shaky breath before asking, “If Howie had opted not to get treatment for his cancer, how would that have made you feel?”
Marcus shifted his eyes away, and now it was his turn to take a deep breath. “You don’t pull any punches, do you, sugar?”
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer.”
“It’s okay. If it’ll help you, I’ll tell you. Howie and I actually talked about this a lot. When we were in the thick of his illness, I couldn’t imagine him not getting treatment. We fought over that, because he had done his research, and he knew that even with treatment, his life wasn’t going to be a life at all. It was going to be time between treatments, most of which was spent sleeping, or fighting skin infections due to radiation, or bouts of nausea.” Marcus swallowed hard. “I know he went through the treatments because Ineededhim to.”
“Do you regret asking him to?” she asked, trying to figure out her own feelings.
“Those treatments gave me Howie for another two years, and even if those years weren’t the best years of our lives, it was two solid years of holding him. Kissing him. Caring for him. Loving him while he was still here with me.”
“But? I hear abut.”
