Page 82 of Nights at Seaside
“But I knew from the start that he didn’t really want to go out of this world that way, and I still live with the guilt of that decision.” His eyes dampened, and he rested his head on Sky’s shoulder. “Maybe it would have been better, or kinder, to have let him die on his own terms. To leave me sooner. I just loved him too much to honor what he really wanted. I’m not sure there’s a right answer. Either way I lost the only man I’ve ever loved, but I do know this. Whether he had died after a month or two years, I did everything within my power to treasure every second of the time we had. And I’m glad I did, because I’ve known love, Sky, by the most remarkable man who has ever lived. He showed me enough love in those days to fill my soul for a lifetime. I was just gluttonous. I wanted more.”
He lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her. “What is this all about, Sky?”
She shook her head, unable to answer. Did she love Sawyer too much? Should she be happy for whatever time they had together and not worry about the future? She knew the ache of losing someone she loved. Her mother had left a hole so vast she thought she’d be navigating around it her whole life. She lifted her eyes to the alley across the street, remembering the first night she and Sawyer had gone out and the way he’d waved and run back to get her phone number. That was when things had begun to change—the ache of losing her mother had started to subside. Sawyer had begun filling that great abyss.
What about the immense holehe’dleave behind?
Could she survive losing Sawyer?
Reality hit her a moment later.
I’m already losing him.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
SKY PRESSED SAWYER’S speed-dial number for the third time as she drove down Route 6 toward his house with her heart thundering in her chest. His voicemail picked up again, and she left another message.
“It’s me. I’m sorry for walking out and not taking your calls. I want to talk. Call me?” She ended the call and set the phone on the passenger seat. Sawyer had left her five messages apologizing and asking her to please return his calls. The sixth message had cut Sky to her core.Sky, how am I supposed to just walk away from us? I no longer know how to be me without you.
She drove off the exit in Truro and navigated the narrow streets to the private sandy road that led to his house on the dunes. The house came into view over the treetops, and her pulse sped up. She didn’t know if what she was doing was right or wrong. She only knew that two days without Sawyer had been torture, and the idea of not being with him ever again was incomprehensible. She needed to see him, to talk to him when he wasn’t lying in a hospital bed having just been knocked out. When she wasn’t still on the verge of a breakdown from thinking she’d lost him forever. They’d communicated so well with each other until now. Their hearts were made of words and love and all things in between. They had to be able to figure this out together.
She pulled into his empty driveway and her stomach sank at the sight of a “For Sale” sign in the center of the front yard. Her jaw dropped open as she stared at the sign. He was moving? After two days? Tears sprang to her eyes as she slammed on the gas and backed out of the driveway. She had to find him. She had to talk to him and find out what was going on. She sped down the road and headed to the one place she knew she’d find him—the club.
Out on Route 6 she tried his number again and left another hasty message. “You’re moving? Where are you going? Don’t move, Sawyer. Call me back, please?” Her finger hovered over the End button, and she added, “I love you. Please call me.” She put the phone in the cup holder in the center console, hoping he’d call back.
Her phone rang a few seconds later, and she fumbled for it, blinking away tears. Amy’s name flashed on the screen. She put the phone back down. She couldn’t talk to Amy or anyone else until she spoke to Sawyer. She sped down the road, confused, upset, and feeling like her heart was being torn to shreds. Had she already lost him for good?
Ten minutes later she pulled into the club parking lot—and Sawyer’s truck wasn’t there. She slammed on the brakes, staring at the building.They have to know where he is.She parked out front and ran inside. Brock looked up from behind the registration desk with wide eyes, which turned serious as she hurried to the desk.
“Hi, Sky.” His eyes traveled over her face.
She knew she looked a wreck, but she didn’t care. She had to find and talk to Sawyer. “Do you know where I can find Sawyer?” She was breathing so hard, she felt like she’d just run a mile.
Brock dropped his eyes. The muscle in his jaw flexed. “Haven’t seen him since the fight. He met with Roach last night, but I haven’t seen Roach either.”
“Was he okay?” She started to wonder if his concussion had been worse than the doctor thought.
Brock shrugged. “If I see him I’ll let him know you came by. Are you okay?”
“I honestly don’t know anymore.” She hurried from the gym out to her car and started the engine. Where was she going? She had no idea where to look next. He could have gone to his parents, but she wasn’t about to show up there looking like this. She glanced at her phone. She’d missed another call from Amy—and none from Sawyer.
Clutching the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white, she gave in to the tears streaming down her cheeks. Sobs began in her chest, bubbling up and coming out loud and tortured. She’d messed everything up. He’d messed everything up.
She drove back to Seaside, completely drained and confused. She drove by the pool and saw the girls lying in the sun. Maybe she needed to disappear into them for a while after all. She definitely couldn’t weather this storm alone.
SAWYER HEARD TIRES on gravel before he spotted Sky’s car driving up the road. He tightened his grip on the leather notebook he’d brought with him, silently hoping his unhappiness wouldn’t keep him from making sense when he spoke to her.
He knew she needed time and they needed space to figure this out. They needed to talk with clear heads, but clear heads went out the window when she stepped from the car with tears streaming down her cheeks and a look of dismay on her beautiful face. Her T-shirt and shorts were wrinkled, and she had no bangles on her wrists or necklaces hanging around her neck. Her hair was tousled, and her nose was pink. Sawyer rose to his feet and closed the distance between them.
“Sky.” He opened his arms, and for a beat she just stared at him, slack-jawed, and then the edges of her lips curved up as sobs sprang from her lungs—confusing him and killing him in equal measure as he gathered her in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Sky.” He’d felt so empty without her for the past two days that having her in his arms brought tears to his eyes. “I was in denial about the doctor’s warning. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. I was keeping it from myself. It’s just that you were a part of me, so you got caught in the crossfire. I’m so sorry.”
She drew back and opened her mouth, but her voice was silenced by sobs. He swallowed hard against the ache in his heart and held her close again, until they both calmed enough to look at each other without breaking down. She took a step back and crossed her arms, creating a barrier he wanted to burst through. But he knew there was no bursting. They were still straddling a great divide, and they needed to talk.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she wiped her tears. “You’re selling your house.”
“Yes, I am. How do you know that?”
