Page 43 of Seized by Love at Seaside
His phone vibrated with a text and his heart hoped it was from Lizzie—although he couldn’t imagine why she’d text him, especially after he hadn’t returned her text from earlier that morning. He looked at his phone, and the disappointment at seeing his sister’s name hurt way too much for him to admit, even to himself. He shoved his phone into his pocket without reading Trish’s text and drove away.
Chapter Seventeen
AFTER ANOTHER SLEEPNESS night, Blue was showered and dressed before dawn. He needed to see Lizzie, to make sure she was okay and to apologize for reacting like a jackass. He wanted to understand why she would put herself in that situation.Ifshe’d even talk to him after the way he’d shut her down when she’d tried to explain. Not that he could have helped how he’d reacted. To say that this had been a blow would be putting it mildly. Hearing that Lizzie was the Naked Baker had completely snowed him under.
The ache of not being with Lizzie was equally as unbearable as the pain of feeling duped. Unwilling to go another day without talking to her, he drove over to her house at six o’clock, parked out front, and waited for her dark house to come to life.
When the lights turned on, he headed around to the kitchen door. He lifted his hand to knock and hesitated, drinking her in for a minute as she stood in the center of the kitchen, her gaze hovering over the sink. He wondered what she was thinking and whether she was thinking of him the way he was thinking of her. She turned, and their eyes connected. Heat stroked down his spine, and a second later, when he must have come into focus through the window on the door, her eyes filled with sadness. His stomach knotted and his heart ached anew.
A hundred unanswered questions settled between them. A full minute later, Lizzie rolled back her shoulders and lifted her chin. He wondered how often she’d had to ready herself like that. Was it hard for her to don the apron and heels and perform in front of the camera? Or did she enjoy it?
Blue’s heart pounded faster with every step she took toward the door, making it hard for him to breathe.
He heard the locks turn, and then the door swung open. She was right there, her sad eyes puffy, as if she’d been crying all night, her sweet lips, which usually appeared to be smiling, were downturned at the edges, and it nearly killed him.
“Hi,” he managed.
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry to show up without warning.”
She stepped aside to let him in. “It’s okay. You can work. I’ll be out of here in a minute.”
He stepped in close, fighting the urge to reach out to her, to hold her until the sadness left them both. To kiss her until they forgot why they were upset in the first place. She closed the door behind him, and the need to be closer was too strong to resist. He touched her shoulder as she took a step away.
She turned, blinking up at him through those impossibly long lashes of hers, drawing him in closer.
“Can we talk?” He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from holding her so she couldn’t walk away. It would be so easy to take her in his arms, love her, and forget the rest for a while, but he’d messed up as much as she had, and he didn’t want to force her into talking with him.
She nodded and pressed her lips into a thin line.
“I watched the videos,” he admitted, feeling ashamed, as if he’d done something dirty, and that shame quickly began changing into anger again. He worked hard to push it down deep. He didn’t want to get angry. He wanted to talk.
“Oh.” She dropped her eyes, and the heartache in that one word slayed him again.
He couldn’t stand not touching her and reached for her hand. He wanted to comfort her as much as himself. He needed the connection, if only for a second. “Lizzie, I know I didn’t give you a chance to explain the other night, and I’m sorry. It was a lot to deal with, and honestly, I’m not sure I’ve even begun to scratch the surface, but I need to understand it. I want to understand it.”
“What do you want to know?” she asked softly.
How you can be so close to me and make me feel so loved while you’re doing that for other guys to see?He shifted his eyes away and pushed his selfish thoughts to the side to focus on more important questions.
“How did you get started in all this, and why, when you have so much?”
She nodded again, narrowing her eyes as if she was remembering something painful. “Honestly, Blue, I don’t think any of what I have to say will make a difference if you’ve already decided that you don’t want to be with me.” She turned away.
“I haven’t made any decisions. How could I? I don’t have any information other than that you make these videos.”And I love you, and love doesn’t turn off like a light switch.
“Yes, I make videos.” She spun around with renewed energy—negative energy, aimed directly at him. “I make baking videos wearing nothing but an apron. I did it to make money because when I was in college my father got ill and my parents had to close down the inn for about six months, so we had no money. But I wanted to get my degree, because that’s what you do after high school. You go to college and do all the right things so you can have a good life.” She paced, her voice escalating. “I’ve always done the right thing. Always.”
“Lizzie, I didn’t mean—”
“No, Blue. You asked. Now let me explain, please.” She crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I took out loans and did all the things college students do, okay? But it wasn’t enough for me. I didn’t want to start my adult life strapped with loans and then spend the rest of my life working them off for ten bucks an hour. I wanted to own my own flower shop. Maybe that was selfish of me. I don’t know.”
“So you turned to making half-naked videos?” He hated that he couldn’t keep the distaste from his voice.
“Yes,” she said defiantly, arms crossed, eyes shooting daggers. “At first it was a joke. A girlfriend said we should do it and see if we could earn money that way. She said her brother made videos about gaming, walk-throughs or something, and he was earning a ton of money. I said no, but…I don’t know what happened. It was the end of the semester, and I had no idea how I was going to get money for next semester’s books and tuition. I was working in this rinky-dink flower shop on weekends and two evenings a week and barely making enough money for groceries. I’ve never eaten so many ramen noodles in my life.” She paced the kitchen. “But you wouldn’t know about that, Blue. You come from a wealthy family. You had your life mapped out for you. College was paid for, books, food. You’ve never had to figure that stuff out.”
“That’s not true.” Even as he said the words he knew every bit of what she’d saidwastrue. He’d worked through college, but if he hadn’t, his parents would still have had enough money to send him and his siblings to college—to any school they’d wanted. “Okay, fine, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean I can’t understand where you’re coming from.”
