Page 57 of Lovers at Seaside
“I’m sure it’s a lot for her to take in.”
Sarah returned from the kitchen carrying a tray with plates, several cinnamon buns that smelled like heaven, and three glasses of water. Grayson was quick to take it from her and set it on the table.
“Thank you, Grayson,” Sarah said as she sat on the sofa. “Such a gentleman.”
There was a brief moment of uncomfortable silence. Sarah folded her hands in her lap. Her lips twitched nervously, tugging at Parker’s heart. She wanted to soothe Sarah’s nerves, and while she hoped the diary might someday do that, she knew today was probably not the day. Today was probably going to bring a torrent of emotions, just as their phone call had.
“Sarah, as I mentioned on the phone, Abe left me Miriam’s diary.” She got up and handed the diary to Sarah.
Sarah placed her hand on Parker’s, nodding toward the seat beside her. “Join me? Please?”
Parker sat beside her.
Sarah’s gaze was trained on the diary. “The police found this under Miriam’s mattress when we reported her missing. They went through all of her belongings, looking for clues, something to tell them if she was indeed a runaway, or if something awful had happened to her.” She sighed and shook her head. “I knew she’d left of her own volition, even before the police found her diary. She was only sixteen, but so wise for her age. Stubborn and confident, like her father. Nothing could have held her back, and if she didn’t want to be found, I knew she’d find a way to stay hidden. When the police returned the diary to us, Abe whisked it away. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see it again.” She looked at Parker. “Did you read it?”
Despite her embarrassment for peering into Sarah’s family’s privacy, she told the truth. “I did. I’m sorry. When I first saw it—”
Sarah patted Parker’s hand. “It’s okay, dear. I would have done the same.”
“I’m really sorry, for everything.”
Sarah nodded. “Me too. I failed my own daughter, and not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back and relive those years. Do things right this time.”
“I can only imagine how hard that must be,” Parker said.
“It was hard to see clearly back then. Despite what you’ve read in Miriam’s diary, Abe was agoodman with good intentions. He poured himself into his family’s business in order to save it.”
“Yes, that’s what he told us.” Parker didn’t want to talk about Abe too much, given their unfriendly divorce, but she wanted to validate Sarah’s thoughts.
“He was so business savvy.” Sarah stared down at the diary as she spoke. “He was incredibly smart, determined. Unfortunately, he wasn’t as well equipped when it came to people. He handled things poorly, pushing everyone who loved him out of his life. The guilt of it ate at him, but he was a prideful man. So prideful he lost himself somewhere along the way.” She met Parker’s gaze. “You were a friend of Bert’s?”
“Yes. We were very close,” Parker said.
“He was a wonderful man. I’m sorry he’s gone,” Sarah said in a thoughtful tone. “I would have liked to remain close to Bert, but I would never have gone against my husband’s wishes. I loved that man too much.” She looked at Grayson. “I didn’t know a person could love too much, but I did. I lost Miriam because of that love. I thought she was going through a phase, wanting to join a band and angry all the time. She never stuck with anything. When she wanted to dance, we got her lessons. The next month it was horses, and a few months later singing. Wasn’t that what teenagers did? Talked about becoming the next this or that but never followed through? When we first read her diary, I thought, ‘If only we’d bought the guitar…’ But she didn’t leave because of the guitar.” She lowered her gaze to the diary again and pulled a wad of tissues from the box beside her, wiping tears as they slipped down her cheeks. “We gave every ounce of ourselves to searching for our daughter, until there was nothing left—no more leads to follow and no moreusto hold on to.”
“It must have been very painful,” Parker said.
“It was. It is. You mentioned on the phone that you were surprised I’d kept my name. Abe must have told you that I left him for another man.”
“Yes. He did.” She hated admitting she’d been privy to that part of their history as well.
“There was never another man. I loved Abe even after he became so hateful no one else could stand to be around him. I was only twenty-five when we met. He was eleven years older, and I thought he walked on water. He had big dreams, and I knew he’d accomplish every one of them.”
“He was a very confident man.”Confidence. Control.
“Yes. And he became mean as a snake. We were both so broken, so depleted of anything good. If I’d stayed, I would have turned into the wretched person he’d become, and I still had hope that Miriam would one day come back. That’s what carried me out the door. I’d failed her once. She thought I was weak for staying with a man who didn’t know how to show his affection to anyone but me, and only in private. I tried to teach him, to tell him his daughter needed him, but that just brought arguments about how there wasn’t enough time in the day. Who knows what type of hold he had on my heart—truth be known, he still does.”
Sarah laughed under her breath. “Even from beyond the grave he still has a hold over me. When I finally got the courage to leave him, I knew he’d come for me if I didn’t do something so evil he would no longer be able to stand the sight of me.”
“So you made it up?” Parker asked, exchanging a look of disbelief with Grayson.
“I had to. For Miriam. I knew she’d never come near Abe again. On her eighteenth birthday I moved out in the meanest, ugliest way I could. And then I prayed, day and night, that Miriam would come back.” Sarah sat back, and a genuine smile climbed all the way to her eyes. “And then, five years after Miriam left, on October 15, 1989, I received a phone call from her. My heart nearly stopped. I thought it was a prank, because we’d had our fair share of those over the years. But it was my Miriam. There were lots of apologies on both sides and tears, which made it hard to talk, but she was alive and well and happy. She sounded truly happy.” She wiped her steadily flowing tears.
“Here, baby.” Grayson handed Parker a tissue for the tears she didn’t realize she was shedding.
“She said she was living out west and had a surprise for me. She said she’d be here on the eighteenth. I never even thought to ask how she’d found me, or for her phone number. I was so overwhelmed, but I felt sogoodafter that call. I was afraid to leave the house, in case she called again, so I waited. Throughout that week and the next. When she didn’t call and didn’t show up, I wondered if I’d imagined the call. I waited for weeks, which turned to months, then years.”
Parker felt Grayson’s steady gaze on her, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of Sarah as she revealed the anguish she’d suffered.
