Page 15 of Whispers at Seaside
“Sounds good. Let me know if you want me to step in.” Pete’s lips quirked up. “You and Mira, huh? Sky called Jenna bright and early.”
“I bet she did.” Matt rubbed the ache of fatigue in the back of his neck. “We had a great night. I had forgotten what it was like to…”What? Go out with an amazing woman? Cut loose for a night?Yes, but those weren’t the biggest things he noticed. Usually when he was out, he was on high alert, watching out for everyone around him, but last night his only concern was Mira, and today he’d felt the same way about Hagen, just as he had each time they’d been together over the past year.
Pete cleared his throat, as if to remind Matt he was expecting an answer. Joey curled up at his feet with a huff.
“I had forgotten how it felt to be with someone special,” he finally answered.
“Maybe you should have taken this sabbatical sooner instead of messing around with an afternoon together every few months.”
He’d had a hard time figuring out the right time to take a break from teaching. On top of that, he’d known that spending any extended amount of time with Mira would make it even harder for him to return to the life he was no longer sure he wanted in New Jersey. He’d known he needed to make some big decisionsbeforeseeing her again. With his hopes of becoming dean put to rest, he was ready to give his all to the book—and to Mira.
“I couldn’t have,” he said to Pete. “I had too much to wrap up. Between teaching, overseeing grad students, and my research, I worked every day until I was ready to drop.”
“Grayson told me about his visit,” Pete said with the older brother fess-up seriousness he’d perfected over the years.
Matt ground his teeth together. When their younger brother had visited him, Matt had arrived late, looking like he’d just been in a fight, which he had, after stopping a carjacking. “Gray’s got a big mouth. On therareoccasions I had a free evening, I might have helped a few people.”
His brother knew him too well to believe the simple confession. The truth was, in the little free time he’d had, Matt had gone to the seedier parts of town seeking a way to release his pent-up frustrations—taking down drug dealers, car thieves, and derelicts who beat on women were his go-to late-night activities since college. But as his brothers and sister had each fallen in love, it had become harder and harder to pretend he wasn’t missing out on what he’d secretly always wanted. The more he’d thought about what he really wanted in life, the more unfulfilling the things he was doing became. He’d been nearing his breaking point for quite some time, and when the economics article he wrote for theNew York Timeswent viral and he was offered a major book deal, he knew it was time to reevaluate his life.
“Is that what you tell yourself, Matt? You might havehelpeda few people?”
Matt shrugged, having zero interest in talking about this.
Pete put a hand on his shoulder, the way he had throughout Matt’s entire life. Pete had always been his stabilizing force, even in the most difficult of times.
“Matt, you put your life in jeopardy like you’re Clark Freaking Kent. You’re a mild-mannered professor during the day and a secret savior at night. How long are you going to torture yourself?”
Matt scrubbed a hand down his face. He’d been asking himself that for the past two years, and he still didn’t have an answer. Guilt was a powerful thing, and Matt was a master at carrying it around like winter layers. He piled the guilt of not being home when his mother passed away on top of the horrible event that had changed his life—the one he’d never admitted to anyone other than Pete and hated admitting to himself. The night he’d been too bogged down with studies to meet a friend as he’d promised, and his friend had been attacked while walking alone on her way to her dorm. She’d never returned to school after that night.
“When you’re done saving the world,” Pete said, “we’ll all be waiting for you to come home.”
They stared at each other for a long moment. Pete wasn’t being judgmental. He never was. Matt knew it killed his brother to know he was out there putting himself in harm’s way. How many times had he gotten texts from Pete in the middle of the night—Haven’t heard from you in days. Just tell me you’re still alive.
“That’s what I’m counting on,” Matt finally answered. “I’ve got some major decisions to make. The advance for the book deal is enough for me to live on for three years, plus I have my savings, which is another two years at least. With the lecture circuit they’re talking about setting up after publication, I’ll be more than fine financially. I just don’t know if I can do it.”
“Write the book?”
“No. Step away from teaching for good. Give up on becoming the dean of the School of Social Sciences.” Matt thrived on knowledge, and teaching had given him the opportunity to help others do the same. Every day presented a new challenge, and if he made a difference in the lives of even a few students, it was all the inspiration he needed to continue. But recently, as more of his teaching was guided by administration, wading through red tape had become exhausting. When he stood in front of the classroom, he saw himself at their age, felt the hope of thepastand the desire for a different type of future.
“You said that guy was never stepping down, so that should be the easiest piece of the puzzle.” Pete arched a brow. “And can you step down from the other?”
The other. Clark Freaking Kent.Matt shrugged noncommittally. That seemed like an even more difficult habit to break.
“That’s what this sabbatical is for, right? Figuring out what you really want to be when you grow up?” Pete smiled and pointed to the cut on Matt’s cheek. “Please tell me that didn’t happen when you were with Mira.”
“Nah. It happened in the shower. By the way, I promised Hagen we’d think about building a boat together, but I was thinking about starting with a raft. I’d love your help.”
“Sounds good to me. You know that little brainiac will be telling us how to build it in no time. He’s like you in that way. Cute as anything and smart enough to put some adults to shame. Give the kid a book and he’ll figure out a better way to do things in no time.”
Matt laughed. “Yeah. He’s cool like that.” He picked up the tools he needed and was hit with a wave of gratitude. Pete had comehomeafter college. He’d refinished boats with their father. He’d held down the fort, taken care of Sky, and watched over their brothers at a time when Matt had been too entrenched with building his career and gaining tenure to be involved as closely as he should have been.
He set down the tools and embraced Pete. “Thanks, man.”
“What for?”
“For sticking around, being here for the family while I was off building my career.” He picked up the tools again, gave Joey a pat on the head, and pushed open the door.
“Unca Matt!” Bea squealed.
