Page 17 of Sweet Heat at Bayside
“I wasn’t thinking. No, that’s a lie.” His voice escalated. “All I ever do is think about you. Why do you think I didn’t kiss you when we were teenagers?”
“Because you wanted faster, hotter, older girls,” she said without hesitation.
He scoffed. “Seriously? No.Wrong. Because I was about to go off to college, and you were just starting to…You were only…” He turned away.
“Only…?”
“Fourteen or fifteen,” he said angrily. “I know it sounds like I wanted older girls, but it wasn’t just our age difference. It waseverything. I was going to college, and you were on the cusp of figuring out who you were as a person. I didn’t want to take those experiences away from you for what could have only ended badly. You’d have wanted a guy who was there for you, for Friday nights, parties.Prom. And I was a stupid kid going off to college. I would have hurt you without trying. Gotten drunk, made a mistake. Everyone that age messes up, and I couldn’t do that to you.”
“You’re saying you did it toprotectme?” She needn’t have asked, because she knew it was true. That’s who he was and how he did things, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
“And maybe protect myself?” he said with so much honesty, it hurt to hear. “Our lives were about to move in totally different directions.”
Realization dawned on her. “Like now?” She tried to swallow past the emotions thickening her throat, but it was like trying to choke down a golf ball.
“Of course like now,” he seethed. “Our timingstinks. When you started working here, we were finally both adults, on equal ground, only we weren’t. I had achieved what I wanted, and you were right there for me, by my side, helping me. But yourightfullymade it clear that you were only here temporarily. Do you have any idea how hard it was formebecause of that? Not that I’m complaining, because I don’t hold any of this against you in any way, but you need to know it wasn’t easy working beside you, having everything I wanted except the part of you that would have made us real.”
She could barely breathe, afraid to trust her ability to decipher his words.
“But you were biding your time before moving on to bigger, better things, as youshouldhave been,” he clarified. “Iwantyou to succeed. I want your dreams to come true and for you to know that all your efforts to parent yourself, to work your fingers to the bone for a prom dress, school books, and tuition weren’t for nothing.”
He paced in front of the window, the truth burning like acid.
“I have feelings for you, Serena. You must have known that,” he finally said. “But I’ll never be the kind of selfish man who puts you in a position to choose between work and a relationship. You struggled, working your butt off your whole life for this type of opportunity. If we had kissed, there would be no holding back for me, and you’d be left wonderingwhat ifyou had stayed in a job you didn’t really want. And then you’d regret it and probably resent me. The worst thing I can imagine is seeing that in your eyes day after day, knowing I had the power to change it and was too selfish to do so.”
She felt her heart slicing down the middle.
“So, yeah, I messed up twice by almost kissing you,” he said apologetically. “But I realized my mistake, and I hope it’s not too late to salvage our friendship.”
She didn’t even know how to respond and stood dumbfounded, swiping at her tears. Even with his feelings for her, he was playing the part of her protector, and the worst part about it was that he was right. Every darn thing he said was probably what would have happened if they had kissed—all those years ago, or last night.
“I’m sorry, Serena.” He gently touched her arm, his voice thick with regret. “What can I do to make it up to you?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”Just an idiot.“I’d better go.” She stumbled toward the door in a haze. “I’ll write this stuff up and have it on your desk in the morning.”
Chapter Five
SERENA STARED ABSENTLY at the chocolate chip pancakes on her plate Friday morning, listening to the girls laughing at Emery’s ridiculous yoga jokes. This was Serena’s last breakfast with her friends before she moved. They’d helped her pack last night, and she’d been so upset over what had happened with Drake, she’d refused to talk about her new job at all. If she talked about work, her mind raced right back to him, and she was afraid she’d tell them everything. Packing had taken only two hours, but the girls had hung out on the patio with her until almost two o’clock in the morning. By the time they’d gone home, she was feeling a little better.
Then came the silence.
And the sight of her life boxed up and ready to move.
She’d thought she might hear from Drake, but he hadn’t reached out. Reality had crashed down on her again, bringing with it more tears. She wasn’t sure which was worse. Wondering if he’d never felt the heat between them, or knowing he’d chosen not to act on it, regardless of his reasons.
“Are we allowed to talk about work today?” Mira asked carefully, bringing Serena’s mind back to the present.
“Sure,” she said blandly. She could handle a conversation about work, couldn’t she? Soon the guys would be back from their run and Violet would come barging in with her racy comments, and the world would be right again.
Except her world was too upside down to ever feel right again. She knew she’d have to get used to anew normal.
Ugh. New normal.
The term made her feel like a divorced woman.
“Do you think the guys will hire someone today?” Mira said.
“Are you kidding? I thought this was going to be easy. I’ve brought in six people I thought were perfect, but according to Drake, they were either too young, not strong enough communicators, or maybe they just breathed too heavy. Who knows.” Serena sighed, remembering how thankful she’d been that she’d found so many qualified candidates so quickly and how deflated she’d felt after Drake had interviewed each one. “You know the daughter of the lady who runs the mini golf in Orleans?”
