Page 84 of Sweet Heat at Bayside
“I can’t even think right now,” she confessed, and pressed her entire body against his, wishing she could stay in the safety of his arms forever. “It’s all too much. People contemplate these types of life decisions for months, and I’d have to decide right away. I don’t even know if I can get a loan, and she’s signing papersTuesday.”
“You can probably ask her to delay for a week.”
“I can’t do that to her. She has a bird in the hand, and she’s done so much for me. All she wants is time with her daughter. I would never chance ruining the offer she has on a whim. Maybe I shouldn’t even think about it. It’s crazy, right?”
“You’re asking a guy who opened a music store when I didn’t have a pot to piss in.”
“That just gives me hope, like it’s something Ishouldthink about.”
“Maybe you should,” he said supportively.
“I don’t know. I have a job people would kill for. A job I would have killed for two months ago. But what if I was wrong? What if I don’t want bigger and better or the people that come along with bigger, better? What if I’m really meant to blaze my own trail, defined by my own beliefs and creativity?”
“Then that’s notwrong, Serena. That’s a choice. It means you started down one path and it led you to another.”
Was this a sign? Could this be the right path for her? “This is so hard.”
“I know. But breathe, baby.” His lips curved up in a tender smile. “Remember how you said I didn’t make myself into a liar by getting together with you after I said I couldn’t?”
“Yes. I said your first inclination was just a bad idea.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Don’t you see the similarities? Just because you change your mind doesn’t mean it was wrong to begin with, or in this case, even a bad idea. This is how you learn and grow, whichever way you decide to go. Just know this. I want you to be happy. No matter where or how that has to happen. Okay?”
She nodded, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. “You have to go. Everyone’s waiting.”
“Hold on.” He grabbed her messenger bag and dug out her notebook. “Let’s make pros and cons lists and figure this out. I’ll text Rick and tell him to leave with the others. I can rent a car and drive home later.”
“Drake…” She shook her head and set the notebook on the coffee table. She couldn’t make lists when she wasn’t even able to see clearly. But Drake was a fixer, and she knew he was doing it out of love. “I adore you. You know that, right?”
“I hear something bad coming.”
She climbed onto his lap and took his handsome face between her hands. “Notbad. I know you want to fix this for me, or help me fix it, but I think I just need time to think things through. It might be a great opportunity, but I have clients who are counting on me, and buying a business is ahugedeal. I’m not even sure Iwantto risk my savings—the money I was hoping to use to buy the cottage I’m renting—on a business. I don’t even know if I can get a loan that fast. It’s about the same amount as a car loan, but I think it’s a different process when you’re buying a business. There’s just too much to try to figure out right now.”
“I told you I’d give you—or lend you—the money.”
“I know, but please don’t offer me that ever again.” She softened her words with a touch of her hand. “I could lose my shirt and have to start over, and there is no way I’m going to borrow or take money from you, so please stop.”
“But you won’t—”
She pressed her lips to his, silencing his support. “I love you for believing in me, but I have to be smart. I have to make a decision that’s right forme, weigh the risks, second- and third-guess myself. And I need to do that on my own.”
His jaw clenched, bringing out that telltale dimple. She kissed the indentation and then brushed her fingers over it. She was fooling herself if she thought Drake—and even her friends—didn’t play a role in what she wanted. Or that Drake’s happiness and his need to be near his family wasn’t of primary importance to her. He’d never be happy in Boston, that far away from everyone he loved. Those were all things she needed to think long and hard about, and as much as she loved him, she couldn’t think clearly about those things while looking into his supportive eyes. “Please don’t be frustrated with me.”
“I’m not. I just wish I knew what the right answer was. I don’t want you giving up everything you’ve worked so hard for just to be closer to me, and I also don’t want you staying somewhere that makes you unhappy.”
“As much as it hurts to say it, as much as I don’t like feeling like I’m on a hamster wheel running back and forth to the Cape, whatever decision I make won’t bejustabout you or certain aspects of my job. It’s aboutmeas a woman, a career person, and a friend. If I learned one thing from my mother, it’s that if I’m going to be the type of girlfriend I want to be, I have to first be happy with all the pieces of myself and my life before you can even consider moving to be with me. Big firm? Little firm? Cape? Boston? Those are things I have to pick apart. The only thing I know for sure is that I wantyou, and thankfully, you’ve made it abundantly clear that you want me, too. I just need to figure out whatelseI want.”
“WHY DO YOU look like you’re going to kill someone instead of looking well f—” Rick glanced at Hagen and said, “Loved?”
Drake gritted his teeth as Mira joined them. He thought he’d be able to get back to the Cape without having to talk about Serena’s situation. “Because I don’t know up from down right now.”
“What’s wrong?” Mira asked. “Is the distance getting to you guys?”
Drake wished it were that easy. “No. Did you know Justine was selling Shift?”
“What? No. I haven’t heard anything.” Mira turned around, and before Drake thought to stop her, she called to the girls, “Did you guys know Justine was selling Shift?”
“No. She is?” Desiree asked.
