Page 10 of Shining Pearls
Thanks to the open concept of the living areas of our house, I could see from the kitchen that Claire seemed at a loss for what to do with herself. “You can come join me in here,” I yelled toward the living room as I put the ground beef into the frying pan to brown.
When I turned around, my heart leaped in my chest when I saw Claire hop up to sit on the counter––just like she used to do. She untwisted the cap on her Diet Coke and took a long pull from the bottle.
I froze there, mesmerized, as I watched the long column of her throat swallow the beverage. She was so familiar, yet so different. I couldn’t believe she was in our kitchen drinking a soda. For so long, it felt like she would never be here with us again. My Claire was home.
She stopped with the bottle midway down to the counter when she caught me staring at her. Her tongue brushed out to wet her lips. My eyes were glued to her mouth. She carefully set the bottle aside, never breaking her gaze from mine.
When her eyes traveled down to my lips, I silently prayed that meant she wanted to kiss me, even a fraction as much as I ached to feel her lips against mine. Needing to find out, I made three long, quick strides across the kitchen to stand directly in front of her.
“Claire.” My voice was scratchy and tinged with desire.
She tilted her head slightly to the side, and that was all the invitation I needed. I crushed my lips to hers. My attempt to temper my desperate need for her failed miserably as I raked my fingers through her hair and devoured her mouth with mine.
Kissing my wife was like coming home after being hopelessly lost. I moaned and clutched her to me, not quite able to believe she was real. I had dreamed of this moment so many times, it almost felt like I was going to wake up at any moment from a vivid dream.
I’d missed the tenderness and intimacy of kissing my wife. We had so much practice together that our mouths had a natural rhythm and synchronization with each other. Even after all this time apart, we quickly discovered our bodies’ ease and fluidity with each other.
When Claire pulled back slightly, I yearned to lean in to capture her mouth with mine once more. I forced myself to refrain, though. I wasn’t certain what kinds of horrors she had faced in that basement, and I didn’t want to risk doing anything that might frighten her or cause her any discomfort.
“Don’t burn the hamburg,” Claire warned me. I loved it that she left the ‘er’ off the name of the meat as the other locals in our town did. My writing career had forced me to add the final two letters in my prose whenever it came up in a story. Between that and Josie’s Midwestern pronunciation of the word, I’d started calling it hamburger, even in my own mind. It made me feel like I wasn’t a true Mainer, even though I’d never lived anywhere else.
As I went to stir the hissing, steaming meat it dawned on me that I’d almost managed to forget about Josie and the mess I had created where she was concerned. I would have to deal with that and apologize to her at some point, but right now my sole focus was where it should be––with Claire.
Once I turned down the burner and stirred the meat, I returned like a magnet to my spot in front of Claire. “Where were we?”
I took her response of slightly upturned lips as an invitation to resume. Tilting my head, I leaned in to brush my lips against hers. This time, we were interrupted by Hannah’s tiny voice. “Mommy?”
Claire pulled back and gave me an amused, knowing look. Turning her full attention to our daughter, she asked, “Yes, sweetheart?”
Hannah beamed up at her mother as she crossed the kitchen. Handing her a piece of pink construction paper, she said proudly, “Here, I made this for you.”
“Oh! What is it?” Claire inserted extra enthusiasm into her voice and accepted the child’s artwork.
Glancing down at it, I felt my expression melt as my heart dropped into my stomach almost as if I had just been punched in the gut. Although I knew my daughter didn’t mean to do anything hurtful, her picture was bound to raise serious issues.
Claire frowned as she stared at the lopsided red heart and mouthed the words. “I love you a hundred.” She gave us both perplexed looks before asking, “A hundred what?”
Hannah cackled at her mom’s question, not realizing the dangerous territory she was forcing us into. “Just a hundred, silly. You’re supposed to say that you love me a thousand, and then Daddy will say he loves us both a million.”
I saw on Claire’s face the moment the realization hit that this was something we had done with Josie. My wife looked crushed, and I hated myself for causing her any more pain.
Forcing myself to turn away and get back to making our meal, I woodenly dumped the pasta into the boiling water. For every step forward I took with my wife, we seemed to be shoved two steps backwards.
My heart broke even more for Claire when I heard her say in a stoic voice, “I love you a bazillion, Hannah-Banana.”
9
Josie
The daylight hours were already getting noticeably shorter each day as summer fully morphed into fall, so that fit perfectly with my desire to sleep all the time. I wanted to be left alone to mope, but Dean and Aunt Mimi would not allow it. They were insistent that I get up and resume living my life, despite how pathetic and lonely of an existence it now was.
“Don’t you at least want to find out if you’re really preggers?” Mimi stage-whispered the next morning, holding a hand up to her mouth, even though we were alone in my bedroom.
I shook my head and turned over. I didn’t need to take a test or visit a doctor because I already knew I was pregnant. “With my horrendous luck lately, how could Inotbe?”
At least this baby would be a lifelong companion and wonderful reminder of my time with Alex. But I feared he would view it as just the opposite––a permanent reminder of the mistakes he made with me, which would cause him even more regret and heartache.
Having already had enough of my sour attitude, Aunt Mimi gave a huff on her way out before saying, “Dean will be by later to bring you to eat lunch at the diner. You need to be up and ready to go.”
