Page 22 of Shining Pearls
Meg’s eyes were watery as she handed me a fresh cup of coffee. Her voice sounded shaky and very un-Meg-like when she said, “You’re so strong.”
“Me?” I practically squawked before giving her a serious look. “You’ve always been the strong one. We both know that.” Hearing my own words, I amended them slightly. “Everyone knows that.”
“Oh, sure, my temper flares, and I race off in a tizzy to spout off my mouth at someone. But you…” She shook her head as if she was lost in thought. “I’m no match for your quiet strength, Claire. I don’t think I could have survived for a year in that disgusting basement. I’d have gone crazy.”
“Who says I didn’t?” I quipped before turning serious. “My therapist is helping me work through my issues surrounding the year of my life that I missed.” Turning pensive, I added, “You’d be surprised what you can live through when you don’t have any other viable option. I couldn’t give up because I knew what that would do to Hannah and Alex.”
“And me and mom,” Meg reminded me before pulling me into a rare hug. Meg was normally more bristly than emotional or affectionate, so I enjoyed the bonding moment for what it was.
Proving that she couldn’t handle too much intimacy, my sister pulled back and said, “You’re squeezing me too tight.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled––more upset that the moment was lost than for embracing her too hard.
Meg rubbed her hand along her neck where I had touched her. “Your hands are like ice blocks. Don’t you have any blood that makes its way down to them?”
“Guess not.” I rubbed my palms together, even though I already knew it was a lost cause. Lost in thought, I said, “The only time they’ve ever been truly warm was when Alex used to clasp them inside his and blow on them, but he hasn’t done that in ages.”
Meg nodded, before revealing, “Harper’s father did that for me once when we went ice skating.”
I froze, knowing that I needed to proceed very carefully. Meg never spoke of the man who got her pregnant, despite how often me, Mom, and even Harper begged for details. We had all given up long ago the hope of learning anything about him.
When the silence dragged on, I realized she wasn’t going to elaborate on her own. Hoping to get her to share more, I prodded slightly. “That’s a very sweet gesture.”
Meg’s eyes had a faraway, dreamy expression as if she had travelled back in time. “Yeah, he had his moments.”
With a quick blink of her eyes, she was back with me in her kitchen. It was almost as if the book of her past had slammed closed, and I had missed my opportunity to read any more of its pages.
“Shall we go check on the girls?” she asked me, already heading towards the living room.
I sighed and followed her, wondering more than ever about my sister’s deeply buried secrets.
19
Josie
Aunt Mimi and Dean both offered to go with me to my check-up with my obstetrician, but I declined. After all, I needed to get used to doing things like this on my own. Silently amending my thought, I decided that I wasn’t actually alone… I had Little Bit with me.
Two women and their doting significant others were sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Wilkes’ office. Both women appeared to have swallowed fully-inflated basketballs. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would soon look like that. Absently rubbing a hand over my own slightly protruding belly, I wondered if it was even possible for my skin to stretch that much. It seemed like it would rip from the strain. Visibly wincing, I tried to distract myself from that horrific thought by flipping through the old, well-worn People magazine that had been left in the vacant vinyl-covered chair beside me.
It wasn’t lost on me that the few chairs in the lobby were grouped into sets of two. That was obviously because most people had someone here to support them during this life-changing time. Glaring at the empty chair beside me, I moved my purse to it, in an attempt to ward off the surge of loneliness that threatened to engulf me.
A woman in light blue scrubs came out to retrieve one of the couples. As they went through the door to go back to the exam rooms, the efficient, yet friendly, nurse glanced at the chart in her hand and said, “Are you two ready to meet your precious little bundle? I bet she’ll be here within the week.”
The pregnant woman grasped the man’s hand, and the look of pure joy on his face was undeniable. That was how this miracle was supposed to happen––with a loving partner by your side, not alone and scared half to death.
I quickly flipped the pages of the magazine, not caring about the obnoxious slapping noise the slick paper made in the quiet waiting room. Finally, deciding I wasn’t absorbing any of it anyway, I slammed the magazine shut and tossed it onto the table beside me.
The remaining couple in the waiting room refused to make eye contact with me. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the ruckus I had just made, or if they recognized me via small-town magic as Alex’s mistress.
Between the likelihood of someone recognizing me in this office and the quick expansion of my stomach, I was going to need to reveal my pregnancy to Alex and Claire soon. It was bound to be the most awkward conversation of my life, but it wasn’t fair to let them find out the news from anyone else.
Trying not to focus on that looming confrontation, I reminded myself that today was the day of my ultrasound, so it was bound to be the best Monday ever. This image would help establish my precise due date and potentially give me the opportunity to learn the baby’s gender. I had been waffling back and forth about whether I wanted to find that out or not. It would be nice to know and would make the life growing inside me seem even more tangible, but I didn’t want to ruin one of life’s greatest surprises.
Deciding whether to find out the baby’s gender was the type of thing that would be helpful to discuss the pros and cons of with the baby’s father, but even once Alex knew about the pregnancy, my guess was that he wouldn’t care to be involved to that degree. He wouldn’t be willing to do anything that might risk his relationship with his wife. This child was going to be a constant reminder of his indiscretion, which was bound to put extra strain on their relationship.
Sighing, I decided there wasn’t much I could do about it at this point. When the exterior door to the office swung open, I braced myself for the potential of seeing someone I knew. Sweet relief coursed through my veins when Dean took a few long strides across the room, handed me my purse, and sat down in the chair that partnered with mine.
“Phew, I made it. I was afraid you’d already gone back to an exam room.” Dean smiled and nodded at the other couple.
