Page 27 of Shining Pearls
Even though I knew it was wrong to go along with the lie, the profound relief visible in Alex’s expression after it was uttered kept me from speaking up to set the record straight. Alex’s pallor went from being a frightening grayish-green color to his cheeks being flushed with pink from the chill in the air within a matter of moments after Dean’s bold announcement.
I wanted to shout at the man I still loved, despite myself, that he didn’t have to look quite so relieved. After all, I hadn’t planned for this to happen, and it wasn’t the way I would have wished for things to work out, but I didn’t score a ‘get out of jail free’ card, like Alex evidently was getting. I was going to be left to raise this child on my own, while Alex got to live happily-ever-after with Claire, and his children with her––the ones he actually wanted.
My child and I were destined to be the near-miss time when Alex dodged the proverbial bullet. Every time he saw us, he would likely breathe a sigh of profound relief that he wasn’t the one that had knocked me up. Except he was the one, and he didn’t dodge the bullet. Instead, Dean was jumping in front of the gun.
Shaking my head, I realized that I didn’t like the murderous gun analogies my mind had created for my sweet child. My baby was innocent and didn’t deserve to be treated like a plague that needed to be avoided.
Knowing that it wasn’t fair to let Dean do this for us and aware that I needed to set the record straight before this snowballed into a lie that would take on a life of its own, I took a deep breath and prepared to tell the truth.
I cleared my throat to get their attention, but when I saw the immense look of relief in Alex’s eyes as he gazed down at Claire, the words wouldn’t come. He looked at his wife like she was his entire universe. He had never looked at me with so much love in his gaze, and he never would. Claire was his person. I was just a persistent gnat buzzing around the perfect, picturesque picnic that was their life, now that Claire was home.
I looked down at the picture in my hand. My little angel deserved to have a loving and proud father, not one who wished our baby wasn’t his. Alex was thrilled by the prospect of Dean being the father. He didn’t even question the dates or seem to wonder if the timing might be off. He was just glad to be off the hook.
In that moment, watching my baby’s father grin at his wife, I decided that my baby deserved better. It wasn’t fair to allow Dean to take on this responsibility, but I couldn’t ruin Alex’s happiness and take the chance that he would end up resenting us both for being mars on his ideal life with Claire.
Although I expected to find Dean’s expression concerned and frightened over the repercussions of what he had just done, I was surprised to discover he was giving me a warm, confident, and comforting smile when I turned to look up at him. He evidently hadn’t yet processed through what this meant for his budding relationship with Molly. I wouldn’t let him sabotage his own happiness for mine, but it was touching that he was willing to take that risk.
More than ready to get away from the giddy-looking couple across from us, I used the hand that wasn’t clutching the ultrasound photo to grasp Dean’s. When we tightly interlaced our fingers, his touch infused my chilly hand with warmth.
Suddenly feeling confident, I said to the other couple, “Congratulations on your pregnancy.” It had been a big assumption, but neither contradicted me. Needing to get away to ponder the recent flurry of events, I forced my lips to turn up into a half-hearted smile and said, “Good day.”
When I turned away, Dean nodded at them before following suit. I managed to wait until we had walked a full block away, so I was certain they were out of earshot before I burst into tears.
24
Claire
Once Josie and Dean walked away, Alex tipped his head down and gave me a kiss on the lips––a real one, not at all like the stilted ones he’d been giving me lately. He raked his hand through my hair and rubbed along the base of my neck as his entire being focused on kissing me deeply and thoroughly.
His kiss literally took my breath away. It had been so long since we’d touched each other like this. I didn’t want the moment to ever end. Alex evidently didn’t want it to stop either because we lingered there for a long time, making out like teenagers.
Although it felt a little naughty to be groping each other in broad daylight, right in the middle of town, I reminded myself that we were married and perfectly within our rights to kiss each other. If we offended a random prude walking by, then so be it. It was worth it to be back in my husband’s arms and having him truly focus on me, like he used to before this wretched year happened.
It was almost as if seeing Josie here with Dean had set him free from invisible shackles that I hadn’t realized were holding him back. I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen when he found out that Dean had lied about being the father of Josie’s baby, but his tantalizing kisses quickly brought me back into the moment.
When he pulled back slightly, it was all I could do to keep from tipping up onto my toes to recapture his mouth with mine. I was glad I didn’t give in to the particular temptation when he whispered near my lips, “We’re having another baby, sweetheart. Our already-perfect family is growing.”
I closed my eyes and nodded. Even though I knew that I needed to tell him that it was growing even more than he thought, I couldn’t bring myself to utter the words. When his lips dropped back down to mine, all coherent thought left my mind. My sole focus became my husband’s lips and tongue.
When a cold gust of wind raced past us, I burrowed further into his embrace, pressing my chest against his. Angling my mouth around to speak near his ear, I said, “Avery said she was free to watch Hannah all day, so we have a big, empty house waiting for us.”
My husband groaned. “You’re making it harder and harder to be a gentleman.”
“Then don’t.” I accented the heavy-handed suggestion by nibbling lightly on his ear lobe.
Alex tipped his head up toward the bright blue sky before taking a step back from me. Irritation instantly coursed through my veins, and I could feel it emanating out from my glare in his direction.
After raking a hand through his hair, Alex attempted to defend himself. “I don’t know what you went through in that basement, Claire. And you don’t ever want to talk to me about it. You seem so fragile, and I don’t want to make things any worse for you.”
Understanding dawned on me then.He thought he was holding back to protect me, but it was only serving to make me feel less desirable and more vulnerable.
I hadn’t spoken with Alex about my time in the basement because I didn’t want to burden him with it, but now I understood that completely closing him out had been a mistake. Taking a deep breath, I dove in with as much of an explanation as I could muster.
“Kevin didn’t rape me. In fact, he didn’t physically harm me at all. My scars are purely emotional, but I am working through all of that with my therapist. It’s not your job to help me deal with that. Your job is to be my dependable, loving husband.”
Alex nodded solemnly. “I’m so sorry, Claire. We should have found you. I can’t believe you were so close by that entire time. How did no one see him grab you?”
I sighed deeply because I had been dreading revealing this. It was one of the main things I was struggling to forgive myself for, and it was a topic that came up during nearly every session with my counselor.
