Page 31 of Shining Pearls
Although I didn’t appreciate her false use of the plural word, which made the insinuation that I was a habitual mistress, she continued on before I had a chance to stick up for myself.
“If you were a true friend to Dean, you would let him down gently, so that he could move on with his life with someone that truly cares for him, instead of pining after someone that will never love him. My guess is that you string him along because you like the attention.”
Her words were like a punch to my gut. I’d always suspected Dean’s feelings for me went beyond friendship and, truth be told, I did like the feeling of knowing that he cared so deeply for me. But I would never intentionally do anything that would hurt Dean. I wouldn’t do anything like that on purpose to anyone, let alone my good-natured best friend.
My inner turmoil over her accusation must have shown on my face because Molly’s expression softened a smidgeon. “How is it possible that you don’t have feelings for him, anyway? He’s handsome, hilarious, caring, generous, brilliant, sexy, and every other thing you could possibly want in a love interest. What’s not to love about him?”
Obviously exasperated with herself, she rolled her eyes and shook her head before continuing before I could respond. “I can’t believe I’m trying to talk you into falling for the man of my dreams.” Looking to the light gray sky, she asked the air above her, “What the heck is wrong with me?”
I stared at her for a long moment before answering sincerely, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You truly care about Dean, and you want what’s best for him––even if that means you don’t get what you want.” Thinking of my own situation with Alex, I added, “I totally get it.”
“I don’t think you do, or you’d see what an amazing catch Dean is. If you aren’t careful, he’s going to slip through your fingers, and I can guarantee you’ll regret it once you finally come to your senses and see what a wonderful man he is.”
With that warning, Molly whirled around and flounced away. I stared after her, wondering if she might be right about that. Dean was the total package, and he was obviously much better for me than a happily married man. I had always viewed him through the lens of friendship, but hearing his attributes from a woman who viewed him as a hot-blooded, virile male made me look at Dean in a new light.
Why couldn’t Dean be the man for me and step in as the father of this baby?If my mind had its way, I would fall madly in love with Dean this instant and live happily ever after with him. Unfortunately, my heart was still stuck on the all-Alex all-the-time station, and I didn’t have any idea how to change it.
28
Claire
Even though Alex was truly my best friend, and I could share almost anything with him, I couldn’t bring myself to address the topic of Josie’s baby’s paternity with him. We were in a comfortable place now, although we both had to try harder because our ease with each other didn’t come as naturally as it used to. I didn’t want to shake the fragile snow globe of our tentative happiness and risk creating a swirling storm of problems that we wouldn’t be able to recover from.
It didn’t make any sense, but it felt easier for me to bring the topic up with the other woman than it was to discuss directly with my husband. Justifying that imbalance in my mind, I decided that I needed to be sure the baby was truly Alex’s before I imploded our lives. The only person who could verify if my strong hunch was correct was Josie.
As I sat on the bench watching Josie work with Hannah in the pool, my nerves began to kick into overdrive. At home, it had seemed like it would be easier to discuss this with Josie than it had been to bring it up to Alex, but now that I was here with the woman, I didn’t have any idea how to broach the subject with her, either.
My legs jiggled up and down as I waited for Hannah’s lesson to finish. I was always anxious when my little girl was in the water, even though deep-down I knew Josie wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. But today was different. My nerves were on edge at an unprecedented level today.
I was so distracted that I couldn’t manage more than a plastered-on smile and nod after Hannah shouted for me to watch as she did her first awkward somersault in the water. I wanted to give her some confidence-boosting words of encouragement, but they clogged in my throat and wouldn’t form in my mouth.
For the first time ever, Hannah’s swimming lesson seemed to fly by. Before I knew what was happening, my little girl climbed out of the pool and scurried over for me to wrap her up in her big, soft beach towel with smiling whales on it.
I snuggled with her for a few long moments, not caring that she was getting me all wet. When she pulled back, she asked me excitedly, “Did you see my flips inside the water, Mama?”
“I sure did. You’re doing fantastic!” I managed to get an enthusiastic reaction to leave my lips, despite the loud thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears. By my daughter’s beaming smile, I could tell that the words had somehow managed to emerge sounding normal.
After clearing my throat, I said to my little girl. “How about if you go to the locker room to change into dry clothes, while I talk to Josie for a minute?”
Josie’s head snapped up at the change to our normal routine, but she didn’t object.
Hannah’s eyes went wide as she asked with barely-contained excitement bubbling in her voice, “I get to go in the changing room all by myself like a big girl?”
At my nod, my daughter gave a whoop of excitement before darting off to the locker room. I smiled as I watched her go, feeling proud that she was so independent and enthusiastic, but also sad that she was growing up and changing so fast. I longed to clutch ahold of my little girl and keep her young and innocent forever.
Once Hannah disappeared inside the locker room, I turned to face Josie. The young woman was standing a few feet from me drying herself off with one of the light blue towels provided by the gym.
I knew it was time for me to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Josie finished drying off, wrapped the towel tightly around her chest, and gave me an expectant smile.
When I didn’t say anything, she opened the conversation. “Hannah is doing amazing with her lessons. I can’t believe how far she has come in such a short span of time. She’ll be swimming like a fish in no time.”
I appreciated her kind words and tried to smile, but it probably ended up looking more like an uncomfortable grimace. While I knew the appropriate response would be to thank her for the compliments to my daughter’s progress in the water, I couldn’t manage even that simple social grace.
Knowing that Hannah wouldn’t be in the locker room for long, I needed to spit out the question that had been burning in my brain since we saw Josie and Dean at Dr. Wilkes’ office. Forcing myself to make eye contact with the other woman, so I could gauge her honest initial reaction, I went the direct route and asked, “Is Alex the father of your baby?”
All of the color drained from her face, and I knew the answer without her having to respond. She brought a hand up to shove a wet lock of hair out of her face as she stared with wide, frightened eyes at the concrete floor.
The silence loomed between us for what seemed like an eternity, and I wondered if she might try to deny it––even though I already knew the truth. Removing the ethical dilemma from her, I said firmly, “We need to tell him. He deserves to know the truth.”
