Page 5 of Shining Pearls
I let out a frustrated huff. It was easy to be judgmental when looking back on it now, but when Claire had been gone without a trace for over a year, it seemed likely that she was gone for good. I didn’t have the energy to fight about it, so I moved to the far side of my small bed, putting as much distance between my back and Dean as I could without falling off the edge.
He didn’t take the hint. Instead, he remained there, quietly by my side. Since he seemed to be waiting for something from me, I said, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work babysitting rugrats?”
I knew I was being catty, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Dean’s job as a substitute teacher at Brunswick Bay Elementary School could hardly be considered babysitting––especially since he had recently completed his teaching degree, graduating at the top of his class. But lashing out was the only function my brain could seem to properly process.
Taking the high road by ignoring my cutting remark, Dean said “Yes, I need to get to work soon, and so do you.”
“I’m not going.” I covered my head with Aunt Mimi’s handmade quilt.
He let out an exaggerated sigh before saying, “Jo-Jo, You’re better than this. Your clients are counting on you.”
The disappointment in his tone made me cringe. My dreams of Olympic gold had turned me from an early age into a perfectionist and a workaholic, so the mere idea of letting someone down set my nerves on edge. It wasn’t in my nature to slack off, but I deserved at least one day to mourn the loss of my happily-ever-after ending, didn’t I?
Stubbornly deciding that it wasn’t too much to ask, I said, “I just need some time to mope.”
“Don’t take too long,” Dean warned me as he stood up to leave.
I tried to ignore him, even though my blood was boiling. Dean was my only real friend, and he seemed to think this entire situation was my fault. Perhaps it was time for me to find some female friends, who would understand what I was going through.
Even though my back was to him, I sensed when Dean stopped and turned back to face the bed. “There’s no use for you to be upset about the loss of Alex because he was never really yours to begin with.”
By the time I picked up the tea mug full of now-tepid tea from the bedside table and threw it in his direction, he had already closed my bedroom door behind him. The glass shattered into a thousand sharp-edged pieces, just like my heart.
5
Claire
As much as I’d been looking forward to my first night at home and sleeping in my own bed with my husband snuggled by my side, it turned out to be a complete letdown. Alex had tried to curl up and spoon against my side, like we used to do every night, but when I deliberately moved away from him to the far side of the bed, he didn’t follow me.
Alex seemed like he was happy to have me home, but I couldn’t stop wondering if he secretly wished he could continue his affair with his new lover. Every time I looked at him now, I pictured him touching her, kissing her, and giving her his body in ways he had vowed to reserve exclusively for me.
Even though I had taken a long, hot shower last night, I still felt dirty. As soon as daylight started to stretch slashing rays of sunshine across the room, I got up and quietly padded across the thick carpet to our luxurious en suite bathroom.
I let the near-scalding, steaming spray pound onto my sore shoulders. All of the tension of my long-planned escape and return home––only to find my husband with another woman––seemed to be balled up in the muscles at the base of my neck. Tilting my head to the side, I rubbed my hand over the tender flesh.
When I opened my eyes, I saw my nude husband standing at the marble-tiled open doorway of our double shower. He hesitated there, seeming uncertain what to do.
My heart crumbled into even smaller pieces as I realized that our easy intimacy and comfort level with each other had completely evaporated. The love of my life was afraid to join me in the shower, and I was conflicted over whether I wanted him to or not.
The internal war my mind was waging against my heart must have shown on my face because Alex said, “I’ll go away if you want me to, but I’m aching to hold you in my arms. I need to know that you’re really here and not just a marvelous dream.”
My hurt feelings and injured ego wanted to send him away for being unfaithful to me, but my raw, lonely emotions from the last year were demanding that I accept his offer of comfort.
We stood there staring at each other for a long moment, while my heart and mind waged an epic war against one another. Finally, unable to resist any longer the solace the other half of my soul was offering, I gave him one brisk nod of my head.
It was all the invitation he needed. Alex took two long strides into the shower and engulfed me in his arms. I pressed my front into him and sobbed into his chest, finally allowing all of the emotions swirling inside me to release.
Alex dropped sweet kisses down onto the top of my wet hair. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry, Claire… For all of it… You don’t deserve anything that happened.”
His whispered words were a soothing balm to my raw, aching nerves. We clutched onto each other like we were life rafts in the raging sea as the piping hot spray from the dual shower heads washed over us.
Being in Alex’s arms felt as familiar and comforting as a warm mug of hot tea. This was where I belonged. He was my home.
“You and Hannah are my entire world. Nothing felt right without you here with us.”
I longed to believe his wonderful words, but a beautiful face framed by long, shiny, dark brown hair flashed into my mind. I squinted my eyes tight in an attempt to stave off the mental image of the lovely young woman, but she refused to leave me alone.
Placing my palm on Alex’s chest, I took a step back from his loving embrace. A cold chill immediately raced down my front in response to the absence of his warmth.
