Page 6 of Shining Pearls
Tilting my face up to look at his and witnessing the devastation crumple his expression over me physically distancing myself from him almost made me cave in and resume my spot pressed against him. I wanted nothing more than to take refuge in his arms and forget about the woman forcing her way into my head, but she refused to give me any peace.
“How could you be with someone else?” My voice came out like a croaky whisper, but I knew he heard me.
The fact that Alex and I had been each other’s first and only lovers was something that I took a great deal of pride in. Our siblings and close friends sometimes teased us about it and asked if we were curious about if we were missing out on anything or if we wondered what it was like to be intimate with another partner, but I didn’t care about any of that. I never had because Alex was everything I ever needed or wanted. I’d always believed he felt the same way about me. It wouldn’t make sense for us to stray outside of our marital vows because we were everything to each other. I was his. He was mine. And that was more than enough for both of us.
But he’d ruined that beautiful, unique bond that I cherished so much by letting someone else in. He’d shared his glorious body with another woman. My shoulders caved inward as the horrific questions jack-hammered, one right after another, in my mind.
Had it merely been a rapid smashing of body parts to quench his need, or had he made love with her as tenderly and thoroughly as he did with me? Did he whisper into her mouth that he loved her, and look so deeply into her eyes that she felt like he could see her soul as he entered her? Had he loved her with his talented mouth until she was so consumed by him that she flew high in the sky, lost in delirium? Did he enjoy having sex with her as much as he did with me? Or more?
That last question made my stomach contract into a tight ball. I nearly doubled-over from the pain of it, but I forced myself to remain standing before him.
I couldn’t ask him if he’d enjoyed being with the other woman more than he liked making love to me because I knew what his answer would be. Alex was too kindhearted and loving to ever admit to me that his body craved the touch of another––even if that was the case. He would tell me that I was the only one for him, but thanks to his infidelity, I would now always wonder if that was true, or if he was thinking about and longing for her.
This had been by far the worst year of my life, but Alex had made it even more awful. Now, I was questioning the one thing I had been most sure of––our profound love and unwavering dedication to each other.
Rage suddenly filled me at the injustice of being stolen from my life, only to return and find that I’d been so easily replaced. I glared up at Alex and hissed, “Why did you do it?”
He didn’t have an answer for me, but that didn’t stop me from screeching the question over and over as I pounded his bare chest with my fists.
Alex stood there and gravely accepted the pummeling of my fists as if he deserved it. I knew he’d had a tough year, too, and it was irrational to take all of my anger out on him, but I couldn’t seem to stop.
When my rampage finally began to subside, I crumpled into a ball on the shower’s tiled floor as deep, body-wracking sobs tore out of me. Alex sat down next to me and gently pulled me into his arms.
I half-heartedly tried to resist his embrace, but he cradled me on his lap until I couldn’t resist the lull of comfort he was offering any longer. He rocked us gently back and forth as the hot water from the shower continued to beat down on us.
Pressing his cheek against mine, he said in a deep and soothing voice, “I’m sorry, Baby. I’m so sorry. I’d do anything to make it better for you. I love you with all of my heart. You are everything to me.”
I wanted to stay angry with him, but I knew he was telling me the truth. Alex loved me. He always had, and I hoped he always would.
For the first time ever, though, I now had to wonder if he loved someone else, too. As much as I wanted to know the answer to that question, I couldn’t bring myself to ask it. If he did love her, I didn’t think my heart could handle the jagged edge of pain caused by knowing it.
Instead of asking the burning question that was at the top of my mind, I forced myself to sit up and extricated myself from Alex’s arms. At his curious gaze, I said, “My sister and mom will be here soon. It was all I could do to keep them from coming over in the middle of the night when I called them to let them know I was home.”
Nodding his acceptance of my explanation, he said, “The police will want to talk to you first thing this morning, too. I hope you were able to get some rest last night because today is likely to be an absolute circus.”
I didn’t tell him that I barely slept at all. It didn’t matter anyway, since I’d done almost nothing but sleep and stare off into space, lost in boredom, for the past year.
He turned off the water and handed me a large, fluffy towel before making quick work of drying himself off with his own towel. I looked down at my thin, pale body as I dried myself off. There was no denying that spending a year in that basement had taken a toll on my body.
I wrapped the towel around my chest and emerged from the shower. Alex was already leaning close to the mirror over his sink to shave with his towel slung low around his waist. He didn’t even glance in my direction as I opened my towel to readjust and tighten it.
Sighing sadly, I opened the drawer to retrieve my toothbrush. This was the first time I could ever remember when Alex had joined me in the shower without being hard and ready for action. His desire for me used to be absolutely insatiable.
Even though I wasn’t sure I was ready to be intimate with him, the fact that he wasn’t even interested in making love to me spoke volumes.
6
Claire
Alex’s guess that today would be a circus proved to be the understatement of the year. Between the police, our families, and concerned townspeople stopping by to visit and ask questions, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted before 10 a.m.
I wanted everyone to just go away and let me spend some quality time alone with my husband, daughter, and dog, but it seemed that I was suddenly the hottest commodity around. Everyone wanted to talk to me and get a first-hand account of what had happened. After spending a year in practical solitude, their attention was beyond overwhelming.
Hannah’s delight over seeing me again was the one bright spot in my otherwise failed attempt at a triumphant return home. Several times, I caught the sweet cherub staring up at me as if she was trying to figure out if I was real. I did my best to keep a soothing arm around her or regularly give her reassuring smiles and light pats. As tough as this had all been on me and Alex, I couldn’t imagine the trauma it had caused our innocent little girl.
“What do you mean he’s not dead?” I gawked at the wiry police officer before me.
Turning to give Alex a pointed look, I was relieved when he picked up on my heavy-handed hint and asked Hannah to help him in the kitchen.
