Page 35 of Shimmering Emeralds
Rather than giving me an answer, Meg shook her head slowly from side-to-side. Her sad silence spoke volumes. The only reason I could think of for her to keep this from me was that she truly believed in her heart that she and Harper would be better off without me in their lives.
My body shuddered as it struggled to accept what my mind already knew to be true. The love of my life had chosen to keep my daughter from me for all of this time.
Hurt and furious, I struggled to breathe as I began to fully absorb what this meant. I’d missed so many years of my daughter’s life––her birthdays, milestones, and even the everyday, little events that added up to a lifetime of missed opportunities. She’d learned to walk, talk, ride a bike, and numerous other things, and I’d missed them all because of Meg.
Glaring down at the only woman I’d ever truly loved, I said through gritted teeth, “This is unforgivable.”
With that, I stalked out of the room. I brushed past Dani, but barely noticed she was there. My eyes were too filled with anger and hatred to watch where I was going.
I needed time and space to deal with Meg’s betrayal. Not caring that I was in the hospital’s corridor, I started running. A few people called out for me to slow down, but I ignored them. I ran outside and the brisk wind coming in off the water assaulted my lungs. Not a bit concerned about the physical pain, I ran and ran in an attempt to stave off the emotional heartache that gripped my chest. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.
31
Meg
My vision blurred as I stared through my tears down at my little girl––our little girl. I couldn’t believe the truth had finally come out like this. So many times, I had wanted to tell Levi, but the timing had never seemed right. I’d been so afraid of losing him again––and now that was precisely what had happened. I’d lost him for good this time.
My body ached from head to toe. I needed to sob, but I was frozen in place, unable to let my roiling emotions release.
After Levi stormed out, Dani rushed forward to stand by my side. Her words were muffled to my ears, almost like she was underwater, when she said, “Oh, Meg. I’m so sorry. I thought you’d told him when I walked in and heard him say something about you trusting him and that he would never again leave you or Harper.”
My first instinct was to be angry and blame Dani, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t her fault. It was all my fault for keeping Harper from Levi for all of this time.
“Meg, please scream at me or something. I feel awful. I can’t believe I told your secret. I’ve kept it for all of these years. I’ve never told a soul. I promise.”
Dani’s tone escalated as she spoke, making her sound hysterical in her desperation for me to respond. I wanted to reassure her that I didn’t blame her, but the words wouldn’t come. It was like my body was doing all it could handle to keep my breath and heartbeat going. Moving and talking were not currently viable options. My tear ducts were the only extra faculty that seemed to be working at the moment.
Tears were streaming freely down my cheeks as it began to sink in that I had just lost Levi forever. It had been easy to start to believe as he stayed in this room with Harper and me that we could become a cozy little family. It would have been so wonderful to have him slide in to fill the void in our lives that I couldn’t seem to remedy, no matter how hard I tried.
Dani wrapped a comforting arm around me, but I barely felt it, other than as an additional weight on my shoulders. I slumped inward even more as my body began caving in on itself from the crushing weight of guilt over what I had done.
Turning me to engulf my crumpled body into a hug, Dani said, “Meg, please forgive me. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
I leaned my head on her shoulder, silently accepting the comfort she offered. My body felt numb, but I didn’t want to leave her soft embrace. As I stood there leaning on my best friend, the sobs finally erupted out of me. She lightly rubbed her hand over my hair as I let out all of the emotions from keeping this secret bottled up for so long.
When my weeping finally began to subside, Dani quietly chastised herself. “I can’t believe I did something this stupid. I’m supposed to be so smart, yet I seem to have no common sense.”
“Not your fault,” I croaked.
Pulling back, I fell down into one of the plastic bedside chairs as Dani went to retrieve a box of tissues. When she offered them to me, I took a few to swipe across my face before pointing at her shirt and saying, “You need some, too. I blubbered all over your pretty silk shirt.”
“Aw, this old thing?” She shrugged and brushed off the fact that I had likely ruined the lovely, expensive-looking blouse.
Once I had my face cleaned up and took a deep cleansing breath, Dani asked, “Done crying?”
At my nod, she said in a no-nonsense tone, “Good. You needed to let all of that emotion out, but now we need to make a plan of action to get your man back.”
32
Levi
Iran as far as my starting-to-feel-its-age, out-of-shape body would take me. When my lungs began wheezing the brisk air in and out, I decided that nobody would benefit from my sudden death by cardiac arrest.
After walking for a few minutes, I found a bench that looked out over the busy harbor. Boats were rocking, metal was clanging, and seagulls were swooping. The familiarity of the seaport’s sights, sounds, and smells were soothing as I tried to get my frantic panting to return to a more normal breathing pattern.
When someone sat down on the bench beside me, I didn’t even have to look over to know it was my lifelong friend, Dean Waters. Dean and I had been the best of friends in elementary and middle school, but had started growing apart in our late teens. Dean had wanted to spend most of his time by the pool with Josie, the new girl in town, and I had been deeply ensconced into a secret relationship with Meg.
A strange noise made me turn to look at Dean, and I was surprised to find he had a baby in a carrier on his chest. The tiny child was covered by a soft, warm flannel onesie with a hood, so the only visible skin was on its adorable little pink face.
