Page 36 of Shimmering Emeralds
“Who is this?” I asked, reaching out to lightly squeeze the baby’s tiny booty-covered foot. It was a dumb question, but I was too startled seeing my friend with a baby to come up with proper wording for the question.
Dean seemed unperturbed by my abruptness when he beamed a wide, proud smile at me and said, “This is Jaxson. Josie’s son––my son.”
He shook his head over the last two words and said, “That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud. I have a son!”
The man was practically bursting with pride, and I couldn’t help but tilt one side of my mouth up in an attempt to smile back at him. It was obvious that he couldn’t be happier. Thanks to the ever-churning small-town rumor mill, I knew the circumstances of Jaxson’s paternity. Dean wasn’t actually the baby’s father, but that didn’t seem to be bothering him, so I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up.
“He’s perfect,” I said to the overjoyed dad, who nodded enthusiastically.
As I gazed at the tiny baby in his carrier, I realized that Harper had been this small once. Meg had stolen the opportunity from me to get to watch her grow up from an infant into the lovely child she was today.
Not seeming to sense the dark turn my thoughts had taken, Dean gushed, “You should have seen Josie giving birth to this little miracle. She was so strong and brave. Women are truly amazing.”
This wasn’t the kind of intimate conversation the two of us would normally have––even back when we had been close friends––so I merely nodded, uncertain what to say. I was much more comfortable when we were watching a game on his parents’ big-screen television in their finished basement and grunting at each other to pass the chips.
Dean ignored my lack of a significant response. “I know it’s hard to understand, but wait until you have a child of your own. You’ll see… There’s nothing in the world that compares to the joy of seeing your baby for the first time.”
I tried again to smile at Dean. It was amazing that the man truly didn’t seem to hold any type of grudge over Alex being the baby’s biological father. I hoped it would work out for the best for Jaxson and all four of his parent figures, but that didn’t change the fact that I was hurting over being forced to miss out on so many of my baby’s big moments.
“I’m happy for you, man. You’ll be a great father.” My attempt to insert some enthusiasm into my voice fell flat.
“I’m going to be the best father I can––I’m a daddy!” Dean’s expression was beyond ecstatic as his voice echoed out over the murky water.
I repeated his words silently to myself. I was a daddy, too. Since I had just learned the news myself, I wasn’t ready to share it with anyone else. Instead, I stared out over the seemingly endless ocean and tried to absorb it. I’d always assumed I would be a father someday, but I’d never dreamed that day had already come and gone, without my knowledge.
The most important person in all of this was my innocent little girl, Harper. I might never be able to forgive her mother for not including me in the child’s life until now, but that certainly wasn’t our daughter’s fault. No matter what happened with Meg, I needed to make sure that I played a vital role in Harper’s life. She needed her father, and I needed to know her. I wouldn’t stand for being omitted from her life for another moment.
With that decision solidified in my mind, I angled my head around to look at Dean and his son. He was pressing a kiss down onto the baby’s covered head.
After standing up, Dean turned back to look at me, while I stayed seated on the bench. “We were out on this walk trying to give Josie a little bit of quiet rest time, but the wind is starting to pick up, and I don’t want Jaxson to catch a chill.”
“You sound like a great dad already. I can’t wait to watch the two of you bond as he grows up.” My tone was filled with sincerity because I truly meant the words––even if it did feel a bit sappy to utter them.
Dean furrowed his brows into a surprised look. “I figured you’d be heading back to Nashville soon.”
I shook my head. “Nope. I’m here to stay.”
With that, we waved our goodbyes and Dean and Jaxson left. I remained seated on the hard bench, even though my butt was going to sleep. I was trying to think through what I wanted to say to Meg. Despite how angry and hurt I was by what she had done, I had to make sure she agreed to let me be a significant part of Harper’s life.
Meg could be stubborn, prickly, and mule-headed, but she was about to find out… so could I. I’d already missed too much of Harper’s life to stand for missing another moment of it.
I didn’t have too long to mull over how to get my point across because when I heard the Harley rumble to a stop on the street behind me, I knew Meg had found me.
33
Meg
Itried to act tough, but deep down I was just as afraid and alone as anyone was––probably more so. I sat on my bike for a long time after I cut the engine just staring at Levi’s rigid back. It was tempting to flee, but this altercation had been a long time coming. It was past time for me to tell him the truth.
After I removed my helmet, I flipped my head over and shook my hair out. It was more of a habit than any concern over how I looked. Levi had never been concerned about such trivial things as outer beauty anyway. It was one of the things I loved most about him.
Levi had to have heard my motorcycle, but he hadn’t budged. He was obviously beyond pissed, and he had every right to be.
I had kept his child a secret from him. Looking back on it now, I could see that had been an enormous mistake, but at the time, I had thought I was doing what was best for all of us. I had to find a way to make him see that.
Lifting my chin, I stood to my full height and tried to steel my nerves. I was wearing my black leather jacket, which normally made me feel tough, but today wasn’t doing anything to help my jittery self-consciousness.
Despite my slow pace, I reached Levi’s bench before I had a plan of exactly what to say first. Any excuses I had devised to defend myself immediately evaporated when I saw the raw pain etched on Levi’s face. I had hurt the man I love, and there was no excuse for that.
