Page 14 of Iowa Intellect
The way he leaves the sentence dangling makes it obvious that more is coming. Wanting this torture to be over as quickly as possible, I verbally nudge him when he pauses. “But…”
“But I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he answers, confirming my suspicions that he was simply being flirtatious earlier. He clearly doesn’t see me in ‘that’ way.
“Okay, no worries,” I say in a rush, trying to sound as if I offer my body to men and get turned down every day––even though that’s the exact opposite of the truth.
When I scramble around to get up off the floor, Brock reaches out a gentle hand to stop me. “Wait. Let me explain.”
“No need.” I shake my head, keeping my eyes trained on the plush carpeting.
“Please.” His soft-spoken word does the trick. I freeze and wait for him to find a plausible excuse for turning down my offer––other than the fact that he simply doesn’t want me.
Finally, he says, “You’ve been through quite an ordeal today. You’re probably not in your right mind after the adrenaline rush of being trapped on the bottom of that pool for so long.”
I appreciate that he’s giving me an excuse for my shameless suggestion, even though I know it’s not the real reason why I came on to him. The truth is that I’ve been attracted to him since we first met years ago.
Granted, I’ve done everything in my power to shove those feelings down, but they refuse to be snuffed. It’s obvious though, by his refusal of my offer, that he doesn’t have that same undeniable yearning for me.
“I’m afraid that you would regret it in the morning if we were to do anything with each other tonight,” he murmurs in a soft, kind voice.
Leave it to this man to be sensitive and thoughtful, even when he’s shunning my advances. It makes him even more irresistible.Dammit!
Knowing I need to remove myself from this humiliating situation, I bob my head once and say, “You’re probably right.”
With that, I seize the opportunity to bolt. As soon as I close the guest bedroom door behind me, I lean back on it and curse my failed attempt at seducing Brock.
My lack of dating experience must have been painfully obvious to him. The dedication and laser focus I’ve had on learning since I was a young child has always been a source of immense pride for me, but it precluded me from going to parties, chatting with boys, or any of the other social norms that would have made me a more well-rounded person, who could easily tempt any man of my choosing into bed.
Unfortunately, I fear I’ve missed the window of opportunity for having a satisfying love life. The only men I see now are patients and dads at kid parties. Apparently, I’ve made my proverbial bed, so now I have to lie in it.Alone. All alone for the rest of my days. Ugh.
15
BROCK
Well, that didn’t go as planned.At all.
I’d been intending to slowly begin to woo Caroline by patiently chipping away at the carefully erected, icy walls around her heart with my charm and sophistication. But the unpredictable, intriguing woman imploded that plan with her racy suggestion.
She couldn’t have surprised me more if she’d asked if I wanted to ride bikes around the neighborhood dressed in creepy clown costumes.
Unfortunately, my shock caused me to have a less than stellar reaction to her proposition. In fact, I fear that she may believe me to be uninterested in being with her. That is about as far as can be from the truth.
Dammit. I couldn’t have messed up this unbelievable opportunity more colossally if I had tried.
I’m closed inside my enormous bedroom, pacing back and forth on the thick carpeting like a caged, restless tiger.
I can’t leave things with Caroline like this, but I don’t know how to fix this misunderstanding. Every cell in my body is demanding that I stalk to her room and voraciously take her up on her marvelous offer, but something holds me back.
If I could be certain that being with me is what she truly wants, I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment. Unfortunately, I suspect that she only made the uncharacteristic invitation to prove something.
I just wish I knew if she’s trying to prove it to herself or someone else. If it’s something she wants for her own personal growth, I would be more than happy to oblige anything she wants in the bedroom. But if it’s some misguided attempt to appease someone else’s expectations of her, I’ll have no part of it.
The amazing woman doesn’t need to change at all––let alone for someone else. I do have to admit, though, the mere idea of being intimate with her is almost tempting enough for me to ignore my doubts about her motive and simply go for it. We can worry about the repercussions of our actions tomorrow.
But something about her innocence and vulnerability holds me back from acting on my base urges. In my heart, I know this isn’t something she does on a regular basis.
Curiosity and frustration swirl together in my brain making it foggy as I pace and sulk.Why me? Why now? Why the hell did I turn her away? Have I completely lost my mind?
No matter how much I try to hone in on her motivation, it still doesn’t make a lick of sense. She’s too good for me. Surely, she must see that.
