Page 138 of Eyes Like Angel
My mouth never left her by the time we reached into my room, hurrying my car from receiving a speeding ticket and officers. The hospital room was becoming unbearable for me the longer I prolonged my stay. I couldn’t bear to withstand on waiting, and had my hands gripped her on the hips. My tongue slickly lapped over hers, our breaths caught in and out heavily with thirst, like we were dying, never wanting to depart from her side, and I haven’t been since, like I’ve been confined to an empty space and deprived of all things meaningful and magical. Freedom knows no bounds, not according to law, freedom isrisky and reckless and a chasm, but according to our control, our will and destiny to see a created fate.
Each kisses I peppered, each wet-slick noises I produced from her bloodless lips, I could feel it. A ghostly tune of my voice emerged as I embraced the darkness, cold crisp drowned me, the hotness rushed in my adrenaline, and my quiet prayers left and pressed into my deep kisses.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you, Eva.
Eva, Eva, Eva.
My darling, my angel, my sweet angel, my angel in the attic.
This angel before me, her wings torn to shreds by the selfishness of others, their dismal self-righteous and petty animals worn in human skin costume, but they’re just ballistic animals in the circus. With my love, she could heal and recover; the wings on her back will carry her someday.
I paused in the midst inside my hazy intoxication, addiction of my living fantasy.
Love?
Since when do I know that most common word ever known to mankind? The true meaning behind of a four-lettered word existed before I was born? Love is an expansion to many things and souls, united in one, and love to none.
Love comes in all forms, they said. But where does love come from? Certainly not dinosaurs especially when I already saw how scaly creatures fromJurassic Parkkilling and consuming unwarranted and foolish humans. I know a source of love is born from the works of art, sometimes when people expressed in several body languages and services, ones were labeled and discuss to clean girlies or those popular influencerson their platform or how Saul Loomis fromScreamquotedSilence of the Lambswhen Jodie Foster’s character recalled her dead father when she was a little girl in a flashback sequence.
Or somebody ordered coffee and junk food to their loved one, all greased up and casual. Or watched and chat over a three-hour film masterpiece, stepping into a new adventure, a new chapter in our stories to tell when getting older. Or slow dancing in a twinkling dark, the song in our hearts and empty melodies reached in our ears, closing our heartbeats to one, arm wrapped around skin and bones. In the dark, I could see her face, Eva’s face and long, brownish-black manes veiling to a stark contrast on her pale emerald eyes and her porcelain skin. Her curtain bangs covered her one eye.
If someone were to ask me what love is…without given a convoluted description to be put down on an essay or a soliloquy, love is…subjective, love is multifaceted; love is like a layered blanket, shrouded in sweets and sprinkles, blossoming flowers and sunshine, sometimes rotten and decayed underneath, instantly poisoning someone to reaching a limit where the lines became blurry and puzzling. Love is like a part of the coin on one side, while there’s hatred—the means of balance, like light and darkness, fire and ice, poison and cure, illusion and real.
Love is poison, love is cure.
Love is wit and balance and luck.
A curse and a blessing, I would say—a correct phrase, not a calculation to predetermine. Love is fate; love is survival, where couples and loners shared the quality. Love is food for the soul to persist in survival, and goodness for the heart and faith.
Love was used when a certain portrayal, a personal portrayal in a sensual intimacy between a man and woman danced in the dark, tangled in the sheets, hands played in romance, lips mingled under the night sky. Love is a word todescribe when giving thoughtful gifts without declaration, or giving nutriment and medication when their loved ones are ill. Love is more than a hug and a peck on a cheek and a congenial gesture between peers and families, or exchanged presents in a holiday or going on a trip, or a smack on a back shoulder to credit the accomplishments.
Love is to fill void within someone broken and sensitive, someone who’s unashamed of wearing heart on their sleeve and shows pure love to everyone who spared slight kindness to someone, love is used when yelling or beating at someone, telling them it’s ‘for their own good’, love is something where you showered and spent money on when someone needed familiar coziness inside a spiteful little bubble in their insignificant lives, love is when a savior kills, stalks and tortures and sells people, who dared and hurt his beloved goddess, love is when a savior who sells transferred organs and limbs to a black market on a dark web, especially when a savior’s status will be at high risk, love is when a savior spared no lives until he gets an ultimate satisfaction that’s been never sated before, and before he met and entranced by the love of his destined life to pursuit a meaningful exist—
My head pulled back a little, took a gulping breath at a frenzied and zealous gestured I beckoned to a precious deity before me, before my grasp, broken like a glass mirror, be held it as if I picking up to pieces and mold it back as it was once before, and nestled my head over her dainty collarbone and slenderness on her neckline.
She’s broken, and I don’t mind fixing her until she becomes whole anew, putting the puzzles back together, and make her whole and new.
Another definition of love to nurture someone, a decency to nurture for someone’s inner development and upstandingagency to be aspire by. And all it takes is to someone push the domino for it to spiral, block after block.
Darkness can shape someone, I could mend her back together, even if it means to torture and kill some walking meat and solid bones and operating organs and voice box were standing between us and selling organs for a hefty profit. I can buy and shower her spoiled with jewels and food and clothes, things she can imagine, encouraging her to gain a source of inspiration and stability.
A certain bridge acquired a little flame to spark, a breakage in between the roped line.
She had certain lightness where I could bask myself in, possibly forever, whenever she’s awake, like a glowing daylight, and when she’s resting, she resembled a glow like moonlight.
Love comes in all shapes and forms, but never manipulation. Love is fearless and filled with prevalence and vengeance, dignified and pure, overwriting from someone’s tyranny given to her.
Neveragain.
I heard a grated voice resided in me, despite the torture I endured and insufferable consequences I took until. At times my voice was lost, as if somebody molded their ideals in lifestyle and personality merged with mine, recalling their names, self-interests and backstory, but I knew hers and kept it like treasure. Despite my acquaintance with Eva was scarce, yet…meaningful within one and a half month, due in complication under recent circumstances, her words and her divinity drove an inspiration for my drive to reach the cause, a will to live, a life to open, a life to accept and dive in, no matter the hardships or the grief, like wounds bounded in healing and serenity.
I hoped she felt the same about me. I don’t know what will if she ever treasured me like how I treasured her, whole heart and soul, without apologies, without regrets, without mourningor vengeance. Only bringing a curtained light dawned and casted above my shadows.
