Page 83 of The Duke's Return
Except Sebastian was still there.
There came the soft voice, “What if you wanted to be with her? Or if she wanted to be with you?”
It created a bitter laugh and Julian shook his head. He downed the brandy in one gulp to shut away the idea. “Never. It wouldn’t… it couldn’t happen. It isn’t right. This isn’t where I belong. I keep taking and I can give now, too, if I go back to the navy.”
“Is that what you want?”
He huffed. “It isn’t about what I want.”
“It could be. Julian, think. I expected you to be cleverer about this. You must understand. Just because the past hurt you doesn’t mean you have to let the present or the future do just that. You’re not running from something, are you?”
“No, of course not.” But what if he was?
Drumming his fingers on the arms of the chair, Julian scowled ahead at the rug beyond his feet. He wasn’t running. He was simply leaving. He would forget about Genevieve and she would forget about him. That was the way it was supposed to be. Wasn’t it?
In so doing, he would lose her all over again.
He didn’t realize he muttered that aloud until Sebastian said, “What if you didn’t have to?”
Unable to sit in that blasted uncomfortable chair for another minute, Julian rose. He grabbed the bottle of brandy to pour another glass. Moving about the room at a steady pace, he drank and shook his head. He did it once, twice, and three times before draining the glass.
In his head were a mix of thoughts. He felt the hope and every time that he did, he remembered the silver in Genevieve’s bright eyes. How brightly she had shone. How much she had dimmed when he left her.
It was his fault. He had hurt her, just like those in his life had hurt him. What if he made everything worse? What if they made everything better?
Fortunately, Sebastian let him stew on this in silence for some time while Julian warred with himself inside his mind.
He struggled to hear what his friend had said between all that Genevieve had shared with him and everything his family said through the past. His various aunts and uncles, the past women in his life… everyone said something different.
Handsome. Charming. Always charming. Thoughtful. Always giving. Witty. I was everything they wanted and yet never enough. Because they always take. Even Genevieve takes. She wants something from me I don’t know that I can give. I don’t know that I have a heart any longer.
A shaky breath escaped Julian as he took his seat again. “Nonsense,” he decided at last. He tested out the words to see if he could believe them, if he could manage one more lie. “It’ll all work out.”
But his world crumpled with the casual statement Sebastian made next.
“I hear our Lady Southwick visited the theatre last night,” he said lightly. He paused to pour them both some more brandy. “She was there on the arm of Lord Hale. He’s an old boxing mate of mine, and suggested he might desire to court her once you leave again.”
His gut twisted. He’d drunk too much brandy. And his heart… what had he done to it out in the countryside?
Thinking of Lord Hale, Julian knew the man from around London and even from University. The man was a few years older and had been most unfortunately widowed less than a year into the union many years ago. He was passably handsome, some said, still eligible, and quite dull in Julian’s opinion.
“Oh?” Julian forced himself to get out.
And now he wants to approach Genevieve? My wife?
“It’s not spread about the ton,” Sebastian went on with a glance his way, “but apparently, she mentioned a potential annulment to him. What of that, Julian?”
He rubbed his face for a minute before he managed to curve his face into a smirk. It was fake, as many of them had been in the past.
“What do you expect?” He asked, vying for that nonchalant feeling he’d once clung to for years. His cravat threatened to choke him through the following words as he forced them out. “It was never going to be a normal marriage. If that isn’t what she’s willing to have, then so be it. She’s free to do as she pleases as we shall both be free of each other.”
But the beat of his heart was frantic.
CHAPTER 32
Julian left Sebastian and left the club.
He spent the rest of the day riding through the park, considering his options. There was a chance he might be able to leave sooner to rejoin the navy. But he needed to formalize one last contract, so he was needed for at least two more days.
