Page 84 of The Duke's Return
Two dreadful, awful, and utterly miserable days.
His valet worried about him every time they saw one another, asking if he needed tea or herbs to rest better. The cook asked him daily what else he would like to eat if he wasn’t going to eat what was provided. Even the horse he rode through the parks in the morning seemed to go slower, more carefully, like he might fall off.
I am not broken!He wished to shout it at the world. But he feared no one would listen. No one had ever listened to him before.
At least, not until Genevieve.
Thinking back to the night in the library where he had confessed much of his past and the pain he carried with him, Julian grudgingly accepted that she was different than the others. Than the mistresses wanting jewels, than his family wanting funds, than the ton wanting a witty and charming duke.
So what did she want?
“Coward,” he felt her shout at him. “Why?”
Why else?
That night in the library, though, he had been honest. He had been vulnerable. He had told her the truth and found that she could listen. That she felt for him. No one had ever done that before. Not as though they wanted to. And yet when he had spoken, she had drawn closer.
“Though you have played a part and charmed the world, never content with your lot, it doesn’t mean everything you did was a mistake. We all make mistakes, Julian. We simply have the opportunity to… to find our own way. Life is but a journey for us all. Sometimes we have to find the right path and that can take a very long time. But every step still takes us somewhere.”
Julian felt lost.
He remembered this aimless feeling from his youth, when his father had passed away. Signing the papers for the dukedom had been stressful, for he hardly knew what to expect. The prior duke hadn’t enjoyed teaching him how to manage the estates, and part of Julian hadn’t really thought it would ever happen to him. At least not for many years to come.
When that happened, his uncle had been there for him. The man had come swooping in with a generous smile and greedy hand.
Now, Julian knew he couldn’t trust his family. He didn’t want to have to pay them to listen and care for him.
I just want her.
She had never asked for money. She hadn’t asked for much of anything, except for him.
Torn to shreds inside, Julian struggled to find peace and understanding within his heart. He signed the last of his papers at his steward’s place of business and returned home with the hope of leaving for port the following morning.
However, there was a letter waiting for him upon his return to his bachelor townhouse.
‘Julian, stop giving yourself an apoplectic fit. You two rub along. Stop castigating her and yourself and go to her. That’s an order. Tristan.’
There were two more that followed.
‘Julian, I have received word you actually enjoyed the leg-shackling business of marriage. You’ve always been up for a challenge, haven’t you? Or are you going to let it best you this time? Ronan.’
‘Confound it, Julian, stop being a clodpoll. I mean it. You know what to do. 21 Heather Lane. Seb.’
Julian took the letters to the next room, the drawing room, and stared at them for some time. His heart beat in his chest as he struggled to ignore his friends’ advice.
“I told her to go, didn’t I?” He told the empty room. “The marriage was always a farce. It doesn’t matter if she gets an annulment. She can have her freedom. She can leave…”
His chest ached no matter how much he rubbed it. He’d been trying to say these words for days, to convince himself it didn’t matter. That Genevieve didn’t matter. But his breath always left his lungs and made it difficult to inhale.
What if she really does leave me?
The annulment papers had never been submitted; Julian realized he had one more day. He should have talked to his man of business.
But could he do it?
An image of Genevieve came to mind as she stood at the side of Lord Hale, smiling and laughing and welcoming people into a beautiful home. Looking at him like a stranger. This would surely be their life if he didn’t do anything different.
He couldn’t answer the question without choking once more. He couldn’t go through with the annulment. He wouldn’t. Julian brushed his hair back from his face and stared at the letters in disbelief.
