Page 53 of Till The Cows Come Home
As we rounded back into a group, we were met with firefighters who cleared us to enter the barn. We began the process again, and grief consumed me as I watched the group switchfrom green highlighters to red. This time, the process took much longer, our hearts breaking a bit more each time a line was added to the rows. Some of the bodies were unrecognizable, distinguished only by their tag amongst the ash and as the groups joined again, not a single person stood with dry eyes.
“Anyone missing?” I asked, hardly keeping it together as we overlapped lists.
“Blossom,” Sage noticed, a tiny sliver of hope in her voice. “She’s not highlighted at all.”
Without discussion, the groups dispersed, silently understanding the necessary closure. We searched every nook and cranny big enough to fit the not so small calf and after about thirty minutes of searching, I shined my light into the brush, surprised when two bloodshot eyes glowed back at me.
“Here!” I called out. “I think I found her.”
I reached out my hand, attempting to entice her out, but it wasn’t until Sage approached that she relented.
“Here baby,” Sage cooed, putting forth as much emotion as she could muster to recreate the happy voice she’d often used with Blossom.
After a few moments, the leaves rustled, and the calf’s head poked out.
“137,” I whispered, confirming her tag number. “It’s her.”
“Of course it's her,” Sage responded, dropping to her knees.
Blossom walked up to Sage, nudging at her hands until Sage wrapped her arms around the cow’s tiny neck. My tears began to run, spilling over the emotional dam I’d built, and when Gale’s hand slipped into mine, I nearly fell apart..
“Everything will be okay,” Gale whispered up to me. “It may not feel like it right now, but it will.”
I just nodded, knowing that my emotions would overtake my voice if I attempted to speak.
After Sage inspected Blossom, satisfied she’d be okay in the pasture for a while, we made our way back to the first responders. They continued to monitor the barn and as we approached, the chief met us again.
“Hi guys, I think we’ve figured out the cause,” she said, and with all eyes on her, she continued. “With the burn pattern, we're predicting that the fire started near the center of the barn. We recovered some candles in that area, is it possible those were lit tonight?”
Before my heart had a chance to break, I felt Sage’s hand drop from mine and I cringed as she took a step away from me.
“We did this?” she cried.
I looked beyond her eyes, understanding that at this moment, whatever we’d begun to build was about to crumble.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sage
“This could have been from the smallest ember,” the woman in front of me explained, and although I appreciated her effort to ease our guilt, her words fell on deaf ears.
I was too absorbed in my own agonizing guilt, knowing my selfishness caused this. For years, I’d built up a wall to protect myself and the moment I started breaking it down, the rest of the world came with it.
“Sage,” Miles pleaded, but I backed away from his outstretched hand.
I didn’t deserve the comfort that accompanied Miles Carver, opting instead to feel the rawness of every emotion alone.
“What are we going to do with all the cows in the pasture?” I asked, desperate to sort the logistics so I could find somewhere to recoil into myself.
“I have no idea,” Miles sighed. “They’ll have to stay in the pasture this evening until I can get the vet out to check on them all. As for the long term, I have no clue.”
“Let us put some feelers out to the community. Maybe wecan work something out with a farm nearby,” my father offered.
Satisfied there was nothing left for us to help with, I turned to my mother.
“Mom, can you take me home?” I asked, purposefully ignoring the green eyes boring into me. “Now, please?”
My mother looked between Miles and I with sorrow, not only because of the tragedy in front of us but also the tragedy she was witnessing between us.
