Page 61 of Till The Cows Come Home
My feet carried me through the house, even out the door, but as I edged down the first step, they failed me. I didn’t think I wanted to stay, yet I couldn't convince myself to leave. My mind was a war zone, my heart in a constant battle with my brain, and it was becoming very clear that I was going nowhere until there was a ceasefire.
My trust was broken, and quite honestly so was my heart, yet here I was, sliding onto the porch swing of the woman who’d wielded the destruction. I leaned into the wooden slats anyways, though, tilting my head back to allow the sun to warm my face, muscle memory moving my heels back and forth to put me in motion. On an ordinary day, I’d be rocked into relaxation, but today my thoughts were swirling, idle time doing nothing but reminding me how badly I hurt.
But I needed to figure out a plan before someone walked out onto the porch. The last thing I wanted to do was scare Gale Baker to death as she ventured out of her own home, but my options seemed limited. I could either get my ass in gear and force myself into my truck, driving away as I intended, or Icould sort through why I couldn’t force myself to leave in the first place.
Did I really need time? Or was I afraid?
I knew I wanted to be with Sage; hell I knew I wanted to forgive her, but the woman scared me to death. She wasn’t the safe option. She was flawed. But who was I to cast stones from a glass house that was already riddled with cracks?
I pondered that thought, rocking all the while, until I heard the door creak behind me.
“Shit,” Sage hissed. “You about scared me to death. What’re you doing out here?”
I frowned at the red splotches littering her cheeks, concealing the freckles that I grew to love.
“I honestly have no idea,” I admitted, and in a moment of weakness I invited her closer. “Care for a swing, or are you heading out?”
“I was just headed back to my apartment to be a somber cat lady, but I fear I have a lifetime of such ahead of me.”
My eyes were glued to her as she made her way to me, and I could feel the weight of the world shift slightly off my chest as she settled into the spot beside me. My ragged breaths evened, matching the methodical inhales and exhales next to me, and for a moment my mind was quiet. Whether I wanted it to or not, her presence made life bearable, and in that moment I knew I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t allow her a second chance, because a second chance for her was a second chance for me.
She drew up her dangling legs, criss crossing them as she angled her body towards me.
“What can I do?” she whispered.
A few moments passed, the chains creaking as we rocked, a silence unintentionally settling between us because the truth is, I didn't know.
The answer escaped me.
I never really thought about what I needed, but as I took the time to think about it, I realized it had always been assurance.
“Promise to never leave me like that again.” I sighed.
“I promise,” she answered, her response leaving her mouth before I had a chance to finish my sentence.
I tilted my body to look at her, my knees brushing against hers.
“I don’t agree with your actions, but I’m trying very hard to understand them and even harder to forgive them. I love you, Sage. I love you till the cows come home, and they will come home, and then I’ll love you every day after that, but your love can not be contingent on our life on the farm. I need you to love me limitlessly, to stand by me if Baker Farm is no longer, even if that means our path forward doesn’t involve a single cow.”
“I do. I want whatever life has you in it. Cows or no cows, you’re my person, Miles.”
“Then let’s build a life together,” I grumbled, pulling her into my lap.
I intended to start the kiss that followed gently, but I couldn’t hold back my hunger as I parted her lips, deepening the intensity. She shifted on my lap to straddle me, clearly sharing the sentiment. Want clouded my vision, but a tiny ray of spatial awareness broke through, warning me to remember where I was. As much as I wanted to stay here for an eternity, feeling her hips rock against me as little moans escaped her lips, we were at her parents house,outside.Not to mention, I now had news to share. I pulled back and she whined at the separation, puffing out her swollen lips into an exaggerated frown.
“I’m not sure I was clear.” I chuckled, unrolling one of the blueprints I had tucked into my bag. “I want to build a life with you, which includes rebuilding Baker Farm.”
“You got approved to rebuild?” she squealed, tears filling her eyes.
“Tell me everything you want sweetheart, I’ll do it all.”
She moved to lay her head in my lap, and as she gazed into the clouds, she started rattling off her pipedream wants, blissfully unaware that she was laying a foundation for the future.
“I want a beautiful tin roof so that it sounds like music when it rains. I want a classroom for all the kids trying to be us. I want a gorgeous oak desk in an office to organize all your paperwork for you.”
As she continued, I pulled out my notepad as discreetly as possible, but the movement of my scribbling alerted her to my note keeping, and her eyes shot up to me.
“Are you actually writing this down?” she questioned, snatching the small pad from my hand. “I was being frivolous. I want the cows back someplace safe, and I want you, that’s all.”
