Page 77 of 4th Silence
“Don’t.” I set down the glass with too much force. Wine sloshes over the rim.
He steps close enough that I can smell his cologne. “I’ve spent the last three days trying to figure out how to right this very off-course ship.”
The directness of his statement catches me off guard. JJ doesn’t admit to being wrong. He prosecutes, he persuades, he wins.
“You didn’t trust my judgment.” The words burn my throat. “But you did your job. I don’t blame you for it.”
“I shouldn’t have put my job above you. Us. I…” He shakes his head. “My heart is wreaking havoc on my head.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. You’re so used to being the smartest person in the room you can’t imagine being wrong.” I hold up a hand before he can retort. “Again, you were between a rock and a hard place. I get it. You’re a professional. You did what you needed to. I just wish…” What? That he would have defied his boss and the mayor and still chosen to work with me over their direct orders? Wow, Charlie. Great job of standing in your power and still wanting him.
A sharp exhale leaves his mouth. “I’m not good at this.”
Neither am I. “Which part?”
“The part where I admit I’ve met my match.” A hint of his usual confidence returns, tempered with something new. “The part where I acknowledge that I need a partner who understands my job, my position, and doesn’t bail when we hit rough waters.”
What’s with all the sailing metaphors?
My buried anger blasts through me. “You bailed on me.” I jam a finger into his chest. “I’m calling you on your bullshit. I didn’t give up on us. You did. And just because I understand the predicament you were in, I don’t forgive you for it.”
He takes another step closer, his height making him impossible to ignore in my small kitchen. “You see? That right there. You don’t let me hide behind my title or my reputation. I need you, Charlie.”
He’s too tall. Too broad. Too…everything. I have to get away. “Tough.” I swipe my wine as I brush past him. My heart breaks as I say, “You blew it.”
He follows, leaving careful space between us as I plop onto the couch. “I’m used to controlling situations. You know that. My whole career is built on anticipating what comes next. But with you...” He sheds his jacket and throws it on the recliner, pacing in front of the coffee table. “You test me. You take risks that make my blood run cold. You put yourself in danger all the damn time.”
“And you calculate every risk before taking a single step.”
He stops, studies me. I expect an argument. Instead, I get the opposite. “Maybe we balance each other.”
The simplicity of his observation makes me laugh. “I’m not going to stop being who I am. And I happen to analyze every option to achieve my goal. You make me sound like I’m a wildcard when I’m anything but. I know people. I study them. How they act and react. I’m damn good at what I do.”
“You are.” He crosses his arms and rubs his chin. “This isn’t really about our different styles or the demands my job places on me that can cause us problems, is it?”
“There’s no more us, JJ. You made that choice, so stop overthinking it.”
“If I quit my job, would you reconsider?”
I choke. “What?”
He sinks down next to me on the sofa. Not touching me, but close enough that he could. “I don’t want a future that doesn’t include you. If I change jobs to one that doesn’t put us at odds with each other, would you at least give me a second chance?”
I hop up, once again needing space. My living room is bare of any holiday decorations. Not a smidge. It’s sad, really. I’m so consumed by work, I don’t take time to appreciate the passing years.
My pulse is trippy, my heart hammering. I want to say yes, but in the end, I know if he quit being the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia, he’d only end up resenting me over it. He loves his job as much as I love mine. We’re not normal. With our jobs. With seeing justice done. With giving a voice to those who don’t have one. To those, like Tiffany, who’ve been silenced.
I’m now the one pacing. “Do not quit your job. That would be the stupidest thing you could ever do.”
“You terrify me, Charlie. You know that, right?”
I stop cold. “I terrify you?”
“You’re the most fearless person I know.”
My heart flutters. Stupid thing. “Not fearless. Determined.” I gesture between us. “But this isn’t a case you can solve with your charm and legal brilliance. This is...messy.”
“I like messy.” The corner of his mouth lifts in that smile that first caught my attention years ago when he was still a married man. I’d fallen head over heels for him. “And I like you. Your bullheadedness. Your guts. Your astute mind.” His gaze drops seductively to my feet. “And your toes.”
