Page 78 of 4th Silence
My heart stutters. My toes press into the carpet. “You’re not smooth-talking me into taking you back.”
At first, he says nothing. He just watches me, like he’s afraid to blink. Then, he stands, and even though he doesn’t move, the space between us feels smaller. “This isn’t flattery to get you back into my bed. I’m serious. I don’t want easy, Charlie. I want real. And you’re the most real thing in my life. We’ve had conflicts before, and we’ve overcome them. We’ll no doubt encounter them again in the future. You have every reason not to trust me now, but I’m telling you, I’ll do whatever I need to to gain that trust back.”
Including quitting his job.
I can’t imagine him doing anything else. He was born to be a prosecutor. A leader.
I search for any hint of the practiced charm he uses in courtrooms and press conferences. Instead, I find only JJ—confident but exposed, waiting for my verdict.
“I just...” I swallow my fear. “I can’t go through this again. I don’t give my heart to just anyone, you know.” My voice breaks. “You were it for me.”
I see the restraint it takes for him not to move. Not to come to me and sweep me into his arms. “You’re the only one for me, too.” Now, he does move. Only to step around the end of the table. When I back up, he stops. “I was an ass. I failed you.”
“You did.” It would be so easy—too easy—to forgive him. I force myself to stand my ground. No dodging. No avoiding. I take a purposeful step toward him. “I still respect and admire you, but I don’t think you can earn back my trust.”
He hangs his head. “Will you at least let me try?”
I truly realized my love for JJ was too big, too overwhelming, when I saw him shot right in front of me several months ago. When his blood covered my hands.
When I knew I couldn’t save him.
This abyss between us… Can I save him this time? Can I save us both?
All it takes is one word. One impossible but straightforward word that’s stuck in my throat.
Yes.
As if he senses this, he hands me my wine glass. I down the contents in two gulps, wipe my lips with the back of my hand.
Even with the liquid courage, I can’t say it.
Yes.
I can’t say no, either.
He nods, a defeated movement, grabbing his jacket and pulling it on. “Okay. I’ll let you be.” He strides for the door, shoulders slumped. There, he turns, holding onto the knob, the cold winter air rushing in. He scans me one more time. “Merry Christmas, Charlize.”
And then he’s gone.
I glance around at the furniture. My lack of decorations. The emptiness of it all.
Meg is moving into a new phase of life. Mom, too. But me? I’m still stuck where I’ve always been. Tenacious, ambitious, successful. But happy? Fulfilled? Satisfied?
I was when JJ and I were on the same page. We had a future.
A future he threw away, I remind myself.
But Charlie Schock goes after what she wants.
And she gets it.
Nothing in my life worth a damn has been easy. I don’t do easy.
I do messy.
And then, I organize it. Analyze it. Profile it.
Love is a psychological necessity. It’s as essential to our well-being as food and water. Romantic love fulfills a basic need. Plenty of studies have shown that couples, for all of their faults, are stronger together than their individual parts. Passion and intimacy are only two parts of love. Commitment is the third.
