Page 59 of Only You
“What?” I almost jerk the wheel to the right when I turn to look at him but manage to keep the car on the road. “I’m not.”
But Tatum is unwavering, just taking one of my hands from the steering wheel and entangling our fingers together. “Yes. You are. Thank you for sharing this with me.”
I’m stunned stupid, so I just turn my attention back to the road, making our way to the group home downtown. Tatum helps me carry everything in and gets super into it, taking the two Santa hats I bought on impulse and placing them on our heads.
Tatum treats every child with respect—not that I’m at all surprised. And there are two brothers here who always make my heart ache a little. I come here at least once a month, just to check in and offer my time. To hang out with the kids.
I don’t think I have it in me to foster. I don’t think I could say goodbye over and over again, but these two brothers have been here for over three months. They’re impossible to separate. Only six and eight years old.
They cling to one another in a heartbreaking fashion. I’m glad they have each other, but they deserve the world. Sweet, shy little boys. I’m not sure what their backstory is, but I know better than to ask anyone about them. Though I find myself thinking about them quite a bit.
Wondering if they’re okay.
I watch as Tatum seems to make his way to them, handing them each a present to open. They both look at him with wide eyes and wonder—the same way I’ve always looked at him. Andhe seems to lighten the mood, making them smile and even laugh a couple of times using his Tatum charm.
I watch him with the kids and dream about one day when we get married—because I already know that’s where we’re headed—and about us having children someday. Maybe just like these little boys.
He makes his way over to me, smiling still. “They’re cute.”
I nod in agreement. “They are.”
“What’s their story?”
I shrug. “Everything is confidential. You know that.”
“You haven’t asked them?”
I scoff at that and shake my head. “No. I didn’t ask the poor traumatized children how they wound up here.”
He nudges me playfully, and I laugh. “Smartass.”
“All I know is they break my heart. They don’t belong here.”
Tatum’s eyes sweep around the room, which has bunk beds lined up, resembling a jail way more than a home for children. “No one belongs here.”
I take his hand in mine and squeeze it. “I’m sorry. Do you regret coming here?”
“Not even a little bit.” I can hear how earnest he’s being just by his tone. “I just want to do more.”
I nod my head knowingly. “Me too.” I sigh and kiss his cheek. “We have to get going. Phillip will be mad if we’re late for dinner.”
“Oh God, wait until you see the Christmas monster,” he teases and pinches my butt as we move toward the exit, waving goodbye to the kids.
I hate leaving them behind, but I know I’ll be back soon. I can’t seem to stay away, not that I really want to.
These kids—the forgotten kids of the world, kids just like me—they deserve everything. They deserve to hope, and when I go, I do my best to give them that. I tell them some parts of my story.I let them know about college and how they can have that if they choose to.
About making their lives what they want it to be.
But they also remind me where I’ve been and who I once was. I’m so grateful to them for that. On my weaker days when I start to doubt myself, I remember what I’ve been through and what I’ve accomplished.
And I’m proud.
Even more so, now that I have Tatum back in my life. Gone are the days where I wonder what it would be like to be kissed but being too afraid to try. When I feared a relationship because I feared the world and its cruelty.
I’m not afraid anymore.
That’s what Tatum has always done for me. Whether he meant to or not. Ever since that first day we met.
