Page 31 of Merciless Queen
My breathing was shaky, and I couldn’t form a sentence. I was on the verge of a panic attack over fucking clothing. I wasn’t used to such an elementary choice as picking what to wear when I was always told what to wear. Lizzy pulled me into her arms as I cried into her chest until I could form coherent sentences.
“I-I’m s-sorry,” I muttered.
“You don’t have to apologize. Come on.”
She took me back to my bedroom and we sat on my bed. I picked the chipped blue polish on my nails. “C-Can you choose what I wear?”
Lizzy frowned, knowing why I would have trouble with that. For the last few weeks, I was in baggy clothes, hiding, but this was public and in front of people. A choice as simple as an outfit shouldn’t have been this hard, but it was.
“Harlow, yo?—”
“I know. I-I can’t. I…”
“Hey, it’s okay. Breathe for me. In and out.” I took a deep breath. “There you go. I’m telling Cat you’re not ready for this.”
I grabbed her hand, pulling her back to the bed. “No! I want to do this. I can’t keep being afraid, and it’s almost been a month since I’ve been free. I need to try.”
“Okay. I'm not going to choose for you, but I will help you. Do you want something revealing or do you want to be covered?”
“Covered. I don’t want people to touch my skin.”
She shuffled through the closet and found a black sweater dress with a turtleneck. “Wear this and tights with those boots we got you. Do you want me to do your hair and makeup?”
I nodded. “Please. I’m sorry I'm being difficult.”
“Sweet girl, you aren’t being difficult. You are still healing, and not every day will be a good one. You don’t have to force yourself to be okay.”
Lizzy put on upbeat music as she did my hair and makeup. The panic in my chest eased. It wasn’t the first time someoneelse did my hair or makeup, but this time, I knew I was safe, and no one would hurt me when Lizzy was done.
“There we go.” Lizzy gave me a mirror, and my hair was in soft curls, pinned halfway up with a few curls framing my face. The gold in my eyes popped with the hint of shimmer on my eyelids, but she made my eyes sultry without being too much. I looked…beautiful. “You look beautiful, sweet girl.”
CHAPTER 24
Caterina
Bachelorette parties,or whatever they were calling this, were pointless, but Spencer said I needed one even if my marriage to Harlow was fake. The girls here saw me as family. For some, I was a mother figure, and for others, I was like the older sister they never had, so I played the role. If they wanted a night without scruffy men and extravagant dresses, then I’d give it to them.
Harlow was dressed in more clothing than people normally wore in the club, but it was what I expected considering her trauma. She stayed bundled in clothes except when she slept. Even if most of the people in the club tonight were women, she was still not comfortable letting down her walls. We weren’t going to stay here long. I hated parties, and Harlow was uncomfortable. I could see it all over her face, no matter how hard she tried to hide it from me.
Lizzy told me she had a panic attack deciding what to wear, and I knew I needed to be by her side constantly tonight. I would’ve kept her home and cancelled this party, but Harlow wanted to take this step. I didn’t like it, but I already told her Iwouldn’t take her choice away from her. If she needed to leave, fuck everyone else.
Angel ran up to us, pulling me into her arms. She still had a scar on her cheek from that asshole assaulting her, but other than that, she seemed to be okay. Except I knew the physical appearance could be nothing but a mask. Angel was always chipper and enthusiastic, even after what happened to her. I’d need to check with the other girls to make sure she was actually okay and not just pretending.
“I never thought I’d see the day you got married!” she chimed loudly.
I took Harlow’s hand and pulled her closer to meet the bubbly woman. “It was…sudden, but you can’t help falling in love.” The only people who knew the wedding was a façade were the men close to me, Spencer, Lizzy, and Moira. She only knew because she was a thorn in my side and could read me like a book. My father would know after the engagement party in a few days. Serena knew simply because Harlow let it slip. The more people who believed our marriage was real, the quicker it would spread like wildfire through the streets of Chicago.
“It’s so nice to meet the girl who stole Cat’s heart.” She jumped into Harlow’s arms, pulling her into a tight hug. Angel was one of those girls who did not understand personal space. Her love language was touch, but she always forgot that some people despised being touched, and forgot to ask for consent.
Harlow was like a statue, her body tense, but Angel didn’t take offense to it as she pulled away. “I’m sorry! I forget people don’t like being touched, but it is really nice to meet you. I have a feeling we will be best friends.”
Harlow gave her a tight-lipped smile and nodded. “It's nice to meet you, too. I’m sorry. I’m not used to crowds or people.”
“It’s okay. You’ll have to get used to me because we are going to be inseparable.”
“Angel, why don’t you go and find Spencer and have her make you a drink?” She nodded, flashing us a toothy smile before skipping away. “Angel will be the only one who touches you. The girl is sweet, but doesn't understand boundaries. Are you okay?”
“Y-Yeah. It’s just intense. When I was in crowded rooms before, it was to entertain men before they hurt me.” Her body shivered, and I mentally punched myself. Of course this was too much for her. “I’m okay with staying. I just need time to adjust. There’s no men here besides yours, so I know I am safe.”
