Page 33 of Merciless Queen
“How did you do it?”
She sighed and laughed gently. “It was…hard. I hated everyone and everything. I was angry and hurt.”
“Did you find your family?”
She nodded, smiling slightly. “Yeah. My dad died a few months after I was taken. He had a bad heart, but my mom and older brother were always hopeful that I would come home. I see them from time to time, but they live in Tennessee, so it’s not always convenient to go out there with Luca needing to be here with Cat.”
“I’m really happy that you have your family and Luca.”
“Me too, and now I have you, too. You’ll heal, too. I know it feels impossible and like it will never happen, but you will survive, and you will blossom into a gorgeous butterfly.”
“Can we do a movie night? Popcorn, cheesy romance, and junk food?”
“Of course, sweet girl. And we can find the dress you'll wear for the engagement party.”
My brows furrowed, but I nodded.
By the time I made it back to my bedroom, I was dead on my feet. I talked more today, but not about what Vincenzo did. We talked about the time I tried to escape with Lizzy and how it didn’t work out. My brand burned whenever I talked about it. I didn’t like the memory of his name on my skin; I was ashamed of it. I was positive Caterina saw it, but she hadn’t mentioned anything to me. Lena saw it when she did an exam after my panic attack in the basement. She said no one would know unless I wanted to share. I thought that was why Caterina never mentioned it to me. Lena also said I had options for cosmetic surgery to help it.
I told Lizzy I needed a minute before we watched a movie. It was tempting to tell her to leave me alone for the night, but to get back to normalcy, I needed to do things instead of wallowing in self-pity. So, I was giving myself the duration of a bubble bath to be miserable. I was trying, but God, it was hard. All I wanted was to be alone, and I wanted peace.
If I was being honest, I was scared of being normal again. My normalcy was ripped from my grasp when I was young, and now I didn’t know how to function as a normal person. Vincenzo took more than my freedom: he took my life without killing me, and now I felt trapped in limbo. I had a chance to become something more than just Vincenzo’s favorite whore, his prized possession, and yet, I was scared to take that leap. Even now, he was controlling my choice.
I was tired of being angry all the time. It felt like I was going back and forth between self-pity and anger. Serena said thatwas normal in the healing process, but I was so fucking tired of fighting my inner demons and everything else. I wanted my life to go back to normal, but what was normal anymore? Could I have a life, even if it was a fake life with Caterina and her family? Lizzy was happy with Luca. Maybe happiness could be in my future if I allowed it in without fear. Caterina saved my life, even if she had an intention of killing me, but now I was free because of her. I shouldn’t have let her hard work be in vain.
After the water cooled and my skin was pruney, I pulled myself out of the water. I wiped my face and stared at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I saw the little girl I was, laughing and dancing with my mom in our living room as she sang karaoke. And other times, I saw what Vincenzo created. I thought it was time to create a new person to see in the mirror instead of the girl that this world created.
Pain didn’t go away, we just had to make room for it, and it was time for me to make peace with my past and grow. It was time for me to live, not just for me, but for my mother. I knew she was watching me, and having a bright future like she always wanted would make her happy.
CHAPTER 26
Harlow
When I wasa little girl watching Disney movies, I dreamt of my wedding. I wanted a big wedding, with my mom walking me down the aisle. I wanted to look like a princess marrying the love of my life. Little me didn’t understand why I liked the princess more than the prince, but growing up, it didn’t matter.
My choice was ripped away from me, and even now, I wasn’t getting a choice. Caterina may not have been forcing me, but I didn’t have another option. Marrying her would be my savior, and in a few years when Vincenzo was dead, maybe I could move on with my fucked-up existence and find true happiness.
There was something tugging in my chest when I saw Caterina, and it scared me. Not because of the feeling itself, but because of the domineering woman. She was…She was starting to feel like peace. She would let me sleep in her bed every night, even though I had my own room. I used my own room; I just didn’t sleep in there. Maybe I needed to talk to Serena about these feelings. Was it love? No. It couldn't be. Loving her wasn’t in the picture, but what if it was? What if this could be a reality without the messy feud with Vincenzo? What if we metin another life? I sighed, running my hand down the black dress and looking at myself in the mirror.
Finding a dress I felt comfortable in was a tedious task, but with Lizzy’s help, I found one. The long, shimmery, black evening gown was a little too revealing, but it made me feel sexy, which I’d never felt before. If I was playing a wife, I wanted her to have a good one. Even if it was a sham. The dress had a deep V-neck bodice that revealed plenty of cleavage, with thin straps that connected to a low scoop back. Ruching at the hips gave it a fitted shape that flattered my figure. There was a slit up to my hip which made me scared of the attention, but it was an engagement party. No one should’ve gotten handsy, and if they did, I would hope that Caterina’s men would handle them. At least, I hoped she cared enough to want to protect me from slimy men.
“You look beautiful,” Elizabeth said as she finished the final touches on my hair.
I ran my fingers up my bare arms. “I feel exposed, and my back…my scars. I don’t know why I wanted to wear this dress.”
“You wanted to feel beautiful. I have a black sheer wrap that will go with it. You can cover your back. You look beautiful, Harlow. Everyone knows you are with Caterina, and?—”
“I’m not really with her, Lizzy. It’s fake. It’s a sham.”
She brushed my hair out of my face. “Okay? In that room with those strangers, you will be with Cat. She will keep you safe.”
“Do you really think I look nice? Even with my scars and how my body looks?”
“Yes. Even with all these flaws you see, you look breathtaking. You’re beautiful, Harlow. There’s life coming back to those beautiful brown eyes, sweet girl. You aren’t the same broken girl I held in my arms as I cried.”
I gave her a forced smile. “D-Do you think anyone would want me? You know, after this is over?”I didn’t know why I was worried about a future relationship when I could barely have anyone touch me, but I wanted someone to reassure me that my life wasn’t fully destroyed and that there was hope.
“Yes. I don’t care what he told you. You aren’t damaged goods. You aren’t a whore. You are a survivor. A warrior. A phoenix. You’re so strong, Harlow.” She beamed as I forced back tears. “When you do meet the right person, they will love you regardless. They will love you and cherish every part of you. They will help you fight your demons and burn the world for you.”
