Page 64 of Merciless Queen
I nodded. How many women have had her? Was she rough with others? I didn’t know why I cared. It was not like she actually loved me, but I couldn’t help the jealousy that hit my chest. When I looked into her green eyes, my heart tugged.
I was in love with her.
Before I could stop myself, I said, “I’m in love with you, Caterina. I know you said yo?—”
She silenced my banter with a soft kiss. “You talk too much. I love you, too, Harlow,” she confessed. “I love how strong you are. A beautiful phoenix that rose through the ashes, becoming this beautiful woman. I want you to show me the darkest parts of your soul and let me love your demons until they fade to nothing, leaving you and me. You’re mine, Harlow. Every part of you. Just like every part of me belongs to you.”
Caterina wasn’t afraid of my demons. She didn’t see them as a weakness or as something to hide from. She wanted to love them away—one broken piece at a time—until there was nothing left but the woman I was supposed to be.
I cried, and it was not cute. As my mom once called it, I was ugly crying with snot dripping from my nose and an ugly expression on my face as I clung to Caterina like my lifeline. There was nothing cute about the tears streaming down my face, and for the first time, it was not because of pain or agony.
“I-I’m sorry. You told me you loved me and I’m crying like a blubbering fool.”
“It’s okay.”
“Caterina, I’m scared.”
CHAPTER 50
Caterina
“Why would you be scared?”I asked Harlow.
She sighed, gently pushing me back so she could stand up. She was wobbly after the orgasms I just gave her, so I braced her with my hands. “I’m scared of the feeling I have for you and the way you make me feel. I’ve never been in love or had sex as amazing as you make it, but just now with how rough you were with me, I-I liked it. I-I want more.” Her face dropped.
I knew what she was about to say. It was something Elizabeth discussed with me, too, a few years back as things were getting intense with her and Luca. I slipped my hand under her chin and lifted her face, seeing her tear-filled, brown eyes. I brushed my thumb over her cheek, wiping them away.
“H-How can I want this, Caterina?” She squeezed my hand. “After everything that’s happened to me. All the men who violated me and destroyed me, I want things with you that should scare me. God, you probably think I am crazy.”
“No.” I caressed her cheek gently. “You are allowed to desire whatever you want. No matter what it is. I’ll never judge you or belittle you because of something you crave in the bedroom. Harlow, I’m not them. I will never be like them.”
With Elizabeth, she started having dreams that involved Luca being in place of the men who hurt her. Instead of waking up terrified or traumatized again, she woke up horny. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her, wanting that with Luca. She couldn’t even look at Luca without feeling guilty for what she would dream about. After therapy and me telling her that it was okay to want something with a person she trusted, she finally talked to Luca about it. He never judged her for it. Instead, he went through with her scenes.
“I-I want you to be rough with me. I don’t want it to be gentle. I-I like when you are sweet with me, but I want…I want you to hurt me, but I need you to make me feel good, too. I don’t know what is wrong with me.”
She closed her eyes, and I allowed her a moment to break before I picked up her shattered pieces. “Look at me.” She didn’t move, so I grabbed her, flipping us and pressing her against the wall, lifting her arms above her head. “I won’t ask again.”
Her eyes fluttered open, looking up at me with her big, chestnut-brown eyes. They were so beautiful. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are safe with me. What you want is a way to get your power back. You are in control. This time and every time after. You can make it stop. You will never be powerless or voiceless ever again.”
Her eyes filled with tears again. “I-I…” Her voice broke.
“It’s okay. This was intense. Why don’t we go take a bath and relax? Let me hold you while the water soaks into your muscles.”
Fifteen minutes later, the bath was made with rose oils and bath salts. I went the extra mile and scattered fresh rose petals along the side of the tub and along the floor. I lit a dozen tealight candles, which gave the bathroom a romantic feel. A hopeless romantic lived in my soul, and sometimes she liked to break free. Harlow deserved this and so much more.
I walked back into the bedroom where Harlow was lying down and kissed her cheek. “Come on, princess, let's get you in the bath.” I pulled her up into my arms bridal style and walked to the bathroom.
When she saw the bathroom, her eyes grew in awe. “Oh my God.” She jumped out of my arms. “Caterina. This is for me? You did this for me?”
“Of course, you deserve it.”
She faced me and placed her hand on my face before leaning in and giving me a soft kiss. “I love it. Thank you so much.”
I removed the new t-shirt I gave her without ripping it off this time. I might’ve had enough money, but I couldn’t keep destroying my favorite clothes just to get her naked. Her hands went to the button of my jeans, and she looked at me, waiting for my consent. I nodded and she quickly undid my pants, sliding them down my long legs. Then her hands went to my blouse, tearing it over my head. Instantly, her mouth was on my skin, kissing and nipping my flesh as she made her way down, falling to her knees between my thighs.
Fuck. She looked so good on her knees.
I knew what she wanted, but I wanted the first time she tasted me to be special and different than on her knees in my bathroom. Maybe I was a hopeless romantic, but it didn’t matter as long as my woman was happy.
