Page 102 of The Tsar's Obsession
It was silent again, only the hissing of some medical machine and the hallway paging system providing the soundtrack to this fucked-up reality. That’s why he visited her all the time. That’s why he wanted to stay when it happened. And I was too fucking blind, too stupid, and not suspicious enough.
“Are you in love with me?” I shot the question out, wanting to get it over with. Polina held her breath, and her pale skin flooded with a semblance of color. And then her tears appeared.Large, devastated.
“Is that what you came here for? To pick at all the scars on my heart?”
“I don’t like to be kept in the dark, and it seems that both you and Dmitry have kept me in the dungeon this year. Now, I want answers.” And after all my questions were answered, I’d send Polina back home and arrange for her safety.
A few minutes elapsed, the tension between us buzzing louder than anything in the room as I waited for an answer.
“Yes. I’ve been in love with you for a long time.” Polina finally lowered her hands, the tears running freely now. “But you never saw me. It’s like I was an empty spot to you.” She wiped the tears off her lips, her distress not jiving with my expectations of her. “But I get it. Some things are not meant to be. I’m sorry I sent that letter to Mia. Dmitry planted the idea in my head a long time ago, and when I saw…” She broke off to wipe her nose while I didn’t dare move after hearing this new revelation. “When I saw that Mia wasn’t just entertainment to you, that it was getting serious…I did a bad thing, okay? I’m sorry.”
Jesus fucking Christ. At this moment I realized I had to reassess the loyalty of everyone. Every single person around me.
“You sent that letter?” I didn’t want to lecture her, and I didn’t want to make her state worse, but I couldn’t stop my next words. “The whole thing was such a big lie, Polina. You know…youknow,” I emphasized the word, leaning closer to her, “that’s not who I am. You could have revealed so many gruesome details about me, but you chosethatlie? You know me!”
I stared into her eyes, remembering who we were when we met. Out of all the things Polina could have written in that letter, I truly couldn’t believe she went with that awful lie.
“I’m s-sorry,” she stuttered, her whole body shaking with her silent sobs. “I’m sorry.”
Sorry. A word we all hide behind when we know we fucked up beyond repair.
An invisible clock ticked somewhere while we sat in silence, both of us waiting for her to calm down. What’s done is done.
“I’m going to arrange your travel back home.” I informed her, not looking away from her depleted state. “And I’ll give you protection there. If you want it. You need rest, Polina. You can count on me for whatever you need, anytime. I’m staying here.”
I pitied her, but I was also raging. My team, my men—no one could be trusted. I would have to break it all down into nothing and rebuild. Her little secret blinded her, aiding in bringing us all closer to death than ever before.
She nodded quickly, her crying intensifying once more and our visit coming to an end. “Stay safe. Call me if you need help. I’ll pick up the phone.” Without saying another word, I left a despondent Polina in her hospital bed, closing the chapter on our partnership.
But the next day another miserable chapter awaited me, and Mia too. My private jet descended from the clouds, theMoscow runway soaked with rain. The landscape was lush, deep forests completing the familiar scene. Always so close to the runway, it felt like we were about to graze the treetops.
I was home.
The difference between the two continents was impossible to ignore. It had been a year since I’d been back, but I felt like I’d aged a decade. The air was different here. Everything,everythingwas so foreign to me in America, but here it all felt right. At the same time, I had Mia, and it didn’t matter where I lived because she was home.
The seven-hour car journey to Yuri’s was interspersed with a few naps, but during most of it, Mia hungrily took in the landscape outside. My country was vast, rich, green, and one of a kind. I thought I wanted to be back here and feel my true power, but I was wrong.
No, I wanted to walk away from it all, throw my empire into oblivion. It would require an unprecedented step, meticulous planning, and, regrettably, complete secrecy. The plan was slowly coming into view in my mind.
Rain drizzled onto Yuri’s coffin while the priest read out the last prayer, and my love cried the entire time. I wasn’t sure she’d ever been to a funeral before, but for me, death was a constant companion for the last two decades. So many lives had been taken, so many souls were sent underground.
Hundreds of people stayed for the memorial dinner, wiping their tears at my speech. But I had none—I had no tears for death. Yuri’s family had become my own, and we all held it together. My mistake not only put Mia on the verge of death but also cost Yuri his life. It would take time to overcome this loss.
Exhausted, drained, and grief-stricken, I helped Mia climb into bed at the end of the night, wiping her tears for the hundredth time that day. Her soul was so pure. She mourned not so much for Yuri but with me. While I didn’t shed a tear, losing him left a crater in my heart, and she saw it; she felt it. She knew me inside out, just like I knew her.
As always, I woke up earlier than Mia the next day and admired the sunlight playing on her skin. She would always be beside me; I would never let her go. I would give this all up and live a peaceful and calm life with her. No more drugs. No more games. No more blood.
Her sleepy smile drew my lips to her in the warm, soft bed, and she responded with silly giggles, like music to my ears. God, this was like a sweet beginning that we missed. She was inimitable; every glance, every breath, every touch from her was sent from above.
Her eyes caught every one of my features. Her love for me was real; I knew it, Ifeltit, and her heart was mine. And I had a hunch she was going to bring it up now that we were here.
"Where are you from?" Her gentle voice was a stark contrast to the images that popped up in my head at the mention of my old home. Everything inside me kicked and screamed. I didn’t want to go back. After a whole minute of silence while Mia patiently waited for me, I finally said it.
“I’m from Tver region. It’s like an eight-hour drive from here. Please don’t ask if we can go there.”
Her soft hand on mine, she asked. “You know you have to, my love. And I know you want me to see it too. The place is not responsible for the memories, and…when was the last time you were at your mom’s grave?”
“I don't want to go back there. I don't want to see the house; I don't want to see my father. There’s probably nothing left of the village anyway." Not daring to meet her eyes, I tried to reject her argument. But she was right, of course; I had to go.
