Page 23 of Like Home
“I don’t know, Summer. I really want to get this done before Emma is back. She always opens up all the cases and mixes up the games.”
My stomach drops, my confidence deflating like the last sad balloon at a party. “Are you serious right now? You’d rather sort through your game collection than have sex with me? Jared, it’s been a year.” My cheeks burn in embarrassment at the rejection as I look down at the lacy lingerie. I feel exposed in the least sexy way ever.
He rolls his eyes. “No way. You’re being dramatic.”
“I am not,” I wake up my phone and go to my cycle tracking app. “See?” I turn the phone towards him, “A year and five days, actually.”
“You’re tracking how often we have sex? That’s kind of weird.” He shakes his head at me.
“It’s really not if you consider usnottracking got us pregnant with Emma,” I say, folding my arms across my chest.
“Okay, so maybe it’s been a year, but we’ve fooled around since.”
I huff out a laugh, “You mean I’ve gotten you off. Yep, we’ve definitely done that.”
He crosses his arms, mirroring me, “I’ve reciprocated.”
“Like three times! And newsflash: I faked it!” I hiss the truth, vindictively hoping it will reflect my embarrassment back at him. I scoop the discarded shirt up from the floor and leave the room, wanting desperately to be covered up.
I pull on some old sweats, the lace that felt so luxurious earlier now itching my belly under the shirt, and Jared walks in. He yanks his shirt over his head and comes toward me. “You did not fake it,” he rumbles. I try to protest but he cuts me off, “And even if you did, you won’t this time.” He grabs my hips, pulling me flush against him. My stomach churns. He runs his nose along my neck and whispers in my ear, “I’ll make you feel so good, babe.”
I wrinkle my nose and push him back, “No, Jared. The mood is ruined now.”
“You don’t have to be such a bitch about it,” he says, his cheeks burning in both anger and embarrassment at my rejection. He’s not used to me rejecting him. It’s only ever been the other way around.
My anger burns me up. “Name calling? Really? Did I hurt your pride so much you have to turn into a stereotype? You know what, Jared? I’m done. I literally cannot do this anymore. You need to start looking for another place to live.” I sit on the bed, tears leaking from my eyes.
The color drains from his face. I’ve thrown around the idea of taking a break before, but this is the first time I’ve told him to move out. “What about Emma?”
“You really think us fighting like this is good for her? It’s not like this is the first time either. We’ve been a sinking ship for a long time.” I sniffle, wiping the dripping mascara from under my eyes.
“I know it’s not. Look, I’ll try harder. Let’s go on a date. Screw the game organization.” He grabs my hand and tries to tug me with him, panic in his eyes.
“No, I’m done. I have to be. This isn’t healthy for Emma and it isn’t healthy for either of us. I deserve better than this.”
His eyes narrow. “What, like the guys in your stupid books? Good luck finding that in the real world, Summer. I’m the best you’ll ever get. Who’s going to want to go all out for an insecure single mother?”
“Wow.” A harsh laugh exits my lips and I look around at the room we share. All the little pieces of us. The sonogram picture with Emma’s profile tucked into the mirror, the photo booth picture strips from the mall, the movie tickets from our first date, framed and placed on the dresser. I suddenly realize that there is nothing we’ve saved from the last three years.
He walks next to the bed and kneels down so we’re eye level, saying softly, “I’m sorry. That was out of line.”
I hold up a hand, cutting him off. “Too late. We’ve tried.I’vetried so hard the last few years and you’ve given nothing back. Over and over again, you make me feel like shit and then give me a bit of what I ask for to keep me around. I can’t anymore, Jared. Please. Go. Stay with Duncan for the night so we can both cool off. I don’t want Emma to feel the tension.” I wasn’t going for an ultimatum earlier, but I can’t take this any longer. This last rejection was the proverbial straw.
“Okay, we’ll work it out tomorrow,” he says, grabbing an overnight bag to throw some clothes in. I can tell from his casual posture that he thinks this is just like every other time.
“There isn’t going to be anything to work out between us. I’m going to do some research tonight to figure out the best way to break it to Emma and what kind of custody schedule is best for her. You need to start looking for somewhere else to go.” I feel exhausted and wrung out.
He turns to look at me, his face drawn, bag clutched in his hand. “You’re serious about this aren’t you?”
I nod once. “Yeah. I really am.”
I open my eyes, banishing the memory of our last fight before we split up officially. “I don’t know, Jared. It got bad there for a while,” I hedge.
“I promise, it won’t ever be like that again. Please, babe, I miss you so much. I swear I’ll be a better man for you.” He lifts the hand he’s holding and brushes his lips against it. This is all I’ve ever wanted from him, and here he is delivering it.
Green eyes come to mind. Dark waves that can’t be contained by a ball cap. A smile that radiates happiness. As if he can sense me wavering, he says, “And think about Emma. Wouldn’t you have loved to have your parents together? No arguing, no going back and forth from house to house. Don’t you want that for her?” The question is a gut punch.
“You know I do. I just… I don’t know. I need to think,” I say, standing up and disentangling my hand from his. My head feels muddled and my heart bruised.
