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I reach over and squeeze his shoulder, “Maybe. But, Jared, we both weren’t making the other person happy. Can you honestly say that even without Duncan interfering, you actually enjoyed being with me by the end? Were you excited to spend time with me after the first couple of years? I know it felt familiar, and in a way, that was comforting, but we both deserve more than that. We both deserve to find people we’re crazy for and who feel the same about us. I’ll always love you. You’re the father of my child, and without you, Emma wouldn’t exist,” I find myself getting choked up too. I swallow through it and continue, “I wish it had worked out between us. I really do. But all we can do now is move on and be the most kickass co-parents around.”
He chuckles wetly at that, clears his throat, and says, “I’ll always love you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t see what a good thing I had until you were gone. And I’m sorry I kept someone around who said such bad things about you.”
“I forgive you. Now let’s move through this and try to be happy. Life is so fucking short and it's not worth wasting time being this miserable,” I say and mean it this time. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and tug him in for a brief side hug. He squeezes my waist and lets go.
“Okay. I promise to be better about Ryan. I want to get to know him, too. And listen, you can have him meet Emma whenever you want. I know the six-month thing is still a few weeks away, but I trust your judgment. I always have. I just forgot there for a little bit.” I feel the hard walls he forged around my heart start to crumble. We have a long way to go, but this is a start.
“Thank you,” I say earnestly.
He smiles at me, “Be happy, Summer.”
CHAPTER 40
Ryan
I’m still reeling from what Summer told me yesterday when she rehashed everything with Duncan, but I’m trying to put on a happy face with her so she can relax. She seems totally emotionally spent today. I made her breakfast and we ate together in bed, enjoying a slow start to the morning. We watched some dumb comedy that pulled a few halfhearted laughs out of her.
When the credits start rolling, I finally ask her, “Do you want to talk about it?”
She sighs and snuggles deeper into my chest, “I’m okay. Things are going to be so much better from here on out. I think Jared finally realized what a colossal ass he’s been and I know deep down he doesn’t want to be that guy. I’m just kind of sad for Duncan, you know?”
I pull back so I can look down at her upturned face. “Duncan?” I ask incredulously.
“Listen, I know he’s done some truly terrible things and I don’t want him in our lives, but I can’t help but feel for him. Jared never told me everything, but I know Duncan’s home life was pretty awful growing up. It seems like when you have parents like that, you either end up just like them or do everything youcan to be the opposite. I just wish we could have been friends instead of him twisting every kind thing I did into some sort of signal.”
I squeeze her shoulder, “You know that isn’t on you though, right? It was not up to you to change how he behaved.”
“I know that. I just can’t help but feel bad that I was the source of his pain for so many years, whether I meant to be or not,” she says, eyes downcast.
“I get it. You hate to see anyone hurt. Remember that one time you accidentally closed the car window on my hand when we were going to dinner? You cried so much, I was mad at my hand for bruising.” She laughs and nods. “He’s an adult though, babe. It sucks that he had a bad childhood, but at some point, you have to start taking responsibility for your own actions. I love how much you care for others, but let’s let this one go, okay? Please don’t hold onto guilt over someone who doesn’t deserve it.” I kiss the top of her head.
After a beat, she says, “You know what would be a fun way to move on from this nightmare?” I roll on top of her in answer, pressing kisses over her cheeks and settling into the cradle of her lush thighs. She cackles and pushes my face playfully away from hers, “Yes obviously that’s on the agenda, but I was thinking about a family dinner where I introduce you to Emma as my boyfriend.” She shyly lowers her eyes and bites her lip to contain a nervous smile.
I feel a giant grin split my face in half. “Seriously?” I ask. She nods and I give her a smacking kiss on the lips before rolling off of her and sitting up. I don’t think themostclearly with her under me.
I’m so excited to meet Emma and move into this new phase of my relationship with Summer. I love being a part of her life, but I know I’ve missed out on a huge chunk of it since I haven’t been able to be around her daughter. From everything Summer has told me about her, she’s a littlefirecracker.
“When?” I ask. A huge smile stretches her lips and makes her eyes crinkle, and I realize once again that I am so completely, irrevocably in love with this woman.
“How about this week?” she asks. I can’t help myself; I launch back on top of her and roll so she’s straddling me. She squeals and laughs out, “What are you doing?”
“I’m just so excited to meet her under normal circumstances. I love her already and I haven’t even had more than one conversation with her.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Because she’s half you. And I love you so much it actually physically pains me sometimes. I just know she’s going to be amazing,” I say truthfully.
Her eyes soften and she reaches down to stroke my cheek above my beard, “She really is. It means a lot that you’re this excited.”
“Of course I am. She’s the most important person in your life,” I say, holding her hand to my cheek. I pull it back and kiss her fingertips.
“I love you,” she says, leaning down to kiss me deeply. I murmur it back against her lips and then the world shrinks down to just her and I and all the points of contact between us. She shivers and I pull the blanket over us. We fall into each other.
CHAPTER 41
Summer
Emma’s piercing, joyful shriek bursts through the air as she leaps over the sprinkler toy, getting splashed with cold water from the hose. She’ll start first grade tomorrow, and for a second I allow myself to mourn the passing of time and that she’ll never be as tiny as she is today. After that second, I shake it off. I want to be excited about all of her milestones, not dreading them. My mom only got to live so many of mine, and I just want to appreciate the ones I get with Emma.
