Page 61 of The Cowboy's Bullfighter
Coop focused on his hex wrench.
“Coop, can you look at me?”
“Sure.” He glanced up. “What’s up, Brooks?”
“Look, I can tell you’re—I did something. Or I said something. And I don’t know what, but I know I have foot-in-mouth disease. Andy used to say it to me all the time. That I could say something that sounded incredibly insulting and mean something completely different. So can we talk about it? I miss being with you, and you’re avoiding me.”
“That took a lot of air.” Coop had to try hard not to smile a little.
“It did. So tell me what I did so I can apologize.”
“Well, I don’t know that you have anything to apologize for. You just said what you meant.”
“But what did Isay?” Brooks reached over to touch his leg, causing tingles all the way up to his chest.
Coop blew out a breath. “You said what we was doing was real nice and all, but you wanted a family out of this. I figured I’d let you focus on the kids.”
“Oh, for—” Brooks sighed, setting his tools aside. He reached up to touch Coop’s cheek. “That’s—God. I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Well, yeah.”
Brooks laughed at him, then thumped his chest. “Shit, Coop. I just meant that I had expected to be here and take the kids and that didn’t happen, so I had to figure out how to fit into the family you lot were making. I was never expecting to have something with you. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
As apologies went, it was a good one. An explanation, a compliment, and a true I’m-sorry-I-hurt-you, not an I’m-sorry-you-felt-all-hurt. No one wanted an apology that made it their own fault shit went south.
And he could really kind of see how Brooks could have meant that.
“Well, thank you. But I think you’re right. You need to focus on the kids. I get that.” He didn’t want to take anything away from the kids. He sure as shit didn’t want to be the bad guy, that was for sure. He didn’t think he was. He was being decent. “I wasn’t trying to be mean, you know? I just was giving you space.”
“Yes, well, I got that part. You’re giving me a little too much space, you know? I’m going to be real clear, I’m wanting to be a part of whatever it is we were doing. I liked it. A lot. I likeyoua lot.” Brooks stared right into him, those eyes like holes burned in a blanket.
Well, now that might have just made Coop blush. “Oh, hush you. Thank you, I guess.”
“You sure?” Brooks winked at him, and he rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know. This is weird. This ishard. I didn’t… If you had told me a year ago that I was going to have six kids and a cowboy living in my house with me and making a family out of it, I’d have told you you were crazy.”
That was possibly the understatement of the century. He wasn’t bitching—in fact, sitting here putting toys together, knowing these kids would be over the moon Christmas morning? Made his soul happy.
“It is a little wild, isn’t it? And I’m the same, I mean, a year ago I was working literally a world away, and I—I didn’t even know that Andy was gone, and that the kids needed me.” Brooks looked at him and offered him a smile. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you’ve done. Seriously. I don’t think that I would have been able to do that. Take a stranger’s family—like all of us—move us in and take care of us the way you have.”
“It’s my job, I think.” It was simple as that. The good Lord put him on the earth to help where he could, so that was whathe did. If that wasn’t his purpose, then he wouldn’t have so many people shoved in front of him.
Brooks nodded. “Benji told me. You’ve made a huge impression on him. I have to tell you, I thought he was kind of, well, I don’t know—just a roughstock rider full of piss and vinegar. You’ve really helped form who he is as a person, and you’re doing a good job.”
Coop felt like he was going to set on fire. All his blood was in his cheeks, and he didn’t know where to look. This was not what he was expecting, to be so…seen, he guessed. “I just—I want the new guys who are coming up to know how important what we do is. There are times when we are the only thing standing between life and death for these guys. And if somebody can’t handle that, they need to know it early. Because you have to be able to step in front of that bull and take that hit every time. Whether you like the cowboy or whether you’re hurting or scared? No matter what.” That was their job.
It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t for everybody.
“So how did you get into it?” Brooks reached for the screwdriver. “Were you a roughstock rider?”
“God no. I’m a bullfighter by trade. It’s a family situation. My dad was a bullfighter. My grandpa was a bullfighter. I’m a bullfighter. Now Benji’s a bullfighter.” Coop stopped, because he didn’t mean any offense. “He’s not my son, of course, but I love him like one, and I just never thought about doing anything else.”
“Fair enough.” Brooks worked that bike seat like a madman. “But, tell the truth. Isn’t it scary, getting face-to-face with a bull?”
He shrugged, thinking if he had a dime for every time someone had asked him that, he’d have a sock full of dimes. “Sometimes, sure, but not as much as you’d think—just because it’s all going so fast. And when you’re actually working, you don’t have time to be scared. It’s the cowboys who arescared who freeze, and they get hit. Then they stop doing it because they’re hurt or they die, some of them.”
Brooks winced. “Dammit.”
