Page 43 of Only Yours
Nani’s wrinkled hand squeezes mine. “That’s fine, dear. It’s okay to be really fucking scared.”
I feel a hand on my other shoulder, and I look up into the dark eyes of Reina’s mother. “It’s perfectly okay to be scared, Brian. But it’s not okay to give up. It’s not okay to quit fighting.”
My eyes fill with tears. God, how easy it would be to quit. To just let this weight on me keep me down.
The door opens, interrupting my train of thought. Reina pauses at the doorway. She takes in the scene before her, the two most important women in her life surrounding me and my eyes wet with tears.
“Is everything okay here?” she asks softly.
I squeeze Nani’s hand. “It’s not, but it’s going to be,” I reply.
Chapter 40
Apologies to women are part of my repertoire. When you grow up with only women, it’s got to be part of your everyday life. -Brian
Brian
Shit, this is hard.I cling to the rails while I try to get my leg to cooperate and swing it in front of me. How can something that comes so natural to me like walking be so difficult now?
Sweat drips from my brow as I finally take another step.
“Good job, man. That’s enough for today.” My PT, Eddie’s voice breaks my concentration, and I finally let my body sag.
I sit down heavily in the wheelchair he brings up behind me.
“You’re doing great, Richards. I don’t know who finally talked some sense into you, but you’re finally making some progress.” He clamps his hand on my shoulder. “Proud of you man.”
I grunt in response.I’m trying. I’m trying so damn hard.I’m not sure if I’m really making progress or if he’s blowing smoke up my ass, but it feels good to be doing something. Dr. Bhagat and Nani’s words made a difference, but it wasn’t instantaneous. My mouth pulls into a wry grin when I think of my best friend Liam’s words.
He came to see me not long after the two women left. Apparently, it had been ‘gang up on Brian’ day.
“Man, I don’t want to kick your ass, especially since you’re still in a delicate condition, but if you keep making Sophie and your mom cry, I’m going to have to. You know that’s my job.”
I snorted and nodded. “I get it, man. I get it. I’ll try to do better.”
Liam had reached out and patted my hand. “Just remember your words to me, bro. Remember when I had my head in my ass about Sophie?”
I nodded. For some reason, Liam hadn’t felt good enough for Sophie. I reminded him that he was good enough for anyone to love and who his family was didn’t matter to those around him. I also punched him, but that’s a story for another day.
“You told me we only have so much time in this world, and we need to be with the ones we love while we can. Take your own advice, man. Let Sophie, Reina, and your mom back into your world, man. They love you so much. Hell, I love you. We all want you back.”
My heart tumbled into my stomach. I knew he was telling me what I needed to hear. I could kick my own ass for how much I had hurt the women in my life.
So, a week after the visits and the ass-kickings I needed, I ask all the important women in my life to come see me at one time. They have been taking shifts. I don’t think I ever told them I noticed, but someone is always here. They’re here, even at night when the nightmares get so bad, I wake up screaming. One of them is always nearby, willing to hold me, or tell me it will be okay.
Reina and Sophie sit on one side, and my mother on the other. I take a long look at each of them. Their faces are so tired. My Reina, my princess, has dark circles under her eyes, that look like big bruises. She looks like she’s been carrying the weight ofthe world on her shoulders. She has been. She’s been carrying the weight of my world.
“Honey, what’s wrong? Did the doctor give you some news you need to share?” my mother asks anxiously. She chews on her lower lip. Her blond hair hangs limp around her face, and I notice a few more pronounced wrinkles than before my accident.Shit, what had I done to the people I loved?The guilt threatens to consume me, but I try to listen to the counselor’s voice in my head. Breathe deep and keep trying. That’s all I can do.
“No, nothing like that.” I’m dressed in my sweats and my hair is brushed and washed. I felt better on the outside at least. Hopefully, I can get that way on the inside soon.
“I called y’all here because I know I’ve been difficult.” Reina’s snort reminds me of the one from her Nani a few weeks ago.
I smile at her attitude. There’s my Reina. “I know I’ve been an ass, and I wanted to apologize. I’m sorry that I got so busy feeling sorry for myself that I forgot to thank you for being here for me. I forgot to say how much I appreciate all of you. I know you’ve dropped everything to be by my side 24/7 and I’ve been an ungrateful asshole about all of it.”
My mom leans forward and places a hand on my arm. “Honey, we understood why. You’ve been through a lot. We would never blame you.”
I cover her hand with my own. “Mom, I know you don’t blame me, but I should have been more thankful for what I have. I have you three incredible women here that love me, and I haven’t appreciated it at all.” I glance over at Reina. Her eyes are filled with tears.
