Page 14 of Only Yours
I shrug and try very hard to keep a goofy smile from appearing on my face. “Not much. Just everyday stuff.”
“At three in the morning?” she chuckles. “I would kill someone if they woke me up during the middle of the night to talk about nothing.”
“Not if it was Liam,” I say and then almost slap a hand over my mouth.
“Yep, I wouldn’t mind if it was Liam. But he is my boyfriend. Are you and my bro boyfriend status yet?” She sends me a probing look and I know my face reddens.
I stare down at the calculus homework I was doing when she walked in. “It’s nothing, Soph. We’re just flirting,” I give an awkward chuckle. “He likes to flirt with a girl while he’s over there with no women to talk to, and I happen to be convenient.”
“Sure, sure,” she says. I startle when I realize she’s standing right beside my desk chair, studying me.
“What’s wrong with you?” I ask as I look up.
She’s watching me with a slight frown on her face. “Do you like him, Reina?” she asks softly.
I snort. “Of course, I like him. I wouldn’t talk to him if I didn’t. It’s no biggie though. I thought we talked about this.”
We had. I have enough secrets in my life already. I didn’t want or need to keep anything from my roommate, so I told her soon after he started writing me. She surprisingly hadn’t asked a lot of questions, just smiled and teased me occasionally about it.
She places a hand on my shoulder. “Reina, do you like him,like him? Are you falling for him?” Her voice sounds anxious and my stomach twists into knots.
I clear my throat and think of the best way to answer that question. I’m not sure I’m prepared to answer it. I don’t want to think too closely about how much I look forward to his phone calls and letters or how my stomach flip flops when I think of him. Or the dreams I have of him, some sexual and some just sweet. Most people think I’m not capable of sweet. But something about him inspires me to want to be girlie and kind for him. Not at all like my usual prickly self.
I throw down my pencil and swing around to face Sophie. “Soph, I’m honestly not sure how I feel at all. I like him a lot. I like him more than I’ve ever liked a boy before.”
She twists her hands together and smiles. “I like that answer, Reina. And I trust you. It’s just…it’s just…” she sighs and sits back down on her bed.
I walk over and sit down beside her. “Soph, you’re not just my roommate, you’re my best friend. If it bothers you that we talk, I could, I could…” the words get stuck in my throat. I try to say I could give him up, but I don’t really want to. I would, of course, because she means that much, but I suspect her brother has come to mean a lot to me too.
Her brow furrows and she glances over at me. She grabs my hand. “Reina, I would never ask you to stop talking to him. Y’all are both grown-ups.” She turns towards me and sits cross-legged on her bed. “The thing is, I’ve never heard him talk about a girl quite the way he talks about you.”
“What do you mean?” I ask sharply. My heart beats faster at her implication.
She catches her lips between her front teeth and sucks in. “I mean that he talks about you like you’re…well, everything. He likes to flirt, always has, but he never means anything by it. With you, the way he looked at you before he left, it’s not like that.”
I hold my breath. “What’s it like, Soph?” I breathe out.
“It’s like you’re his sun and moon and all the stars at once, you know? When he was here, I would catch him just staring at you like that. Like he was going to burst if he couldn’t be near you.” She giggles. “I suppose it’s a bit how I look at Liam.” She squeezes my hand. “Anyway, I thought maybe I was imagining things and then these letters and phone calls started, and I started to get a little worried.”
“Worried about what?” I ask, even though I’m a little scared to ask.
“Worried that he was falling for you, and you didn’t feel the same way.” Her words come out in a rush, and she looks almost sick after she says them. Sophie hates conflict of any kind.
This time I squeeze her hand. I take a deep breath and look into her worried blue eyes. They’re the same color as Brian’s. And since I’ve already told her a little bit of the truth, I decide to keep going with it.
“I’m going to be honest with you, Soph. I don’t know how I feel yet.” I sigh. “I’ve never been very good at analyzing my feelings. I know we haven’t talked a ton about my family before, but my mother is not very good at expressing how she feels about anything. I inherited the same trait.” I snort. “I shouldn’tsay it that way. We’re both good at expressing when we’re angry at someone, but not at the touchy-feely emotions. You and your brother are much better at that.”
And I admire the hell out of them for it. My mom was so closed off from me growing up that we barely told each other our own comings and goings, much less exchanged I love yous. My grandparents were a little more expressive, but not much. We just weren’t that kind of family.
Sophie watches me closely while I try to gather up the courage to articulate my feelings. “This I can say. I really, really like Brian and I care about him deeply. I know I get excited when he calls, and I feel better after I talk to him. I know I think about him a lot and I worry about him constantly. Does that help at all?”
A broad grin splits her face. “Yes, it does. You’re falling for him too!” she squeals. Suddenly, I’m clasped close in a bear hug and unable to breathe. “You’re crazy about him, Reina!”
I pull back. “I didn’t say that,” I mutter.
She smiles smugly. “Oh, but you did.”
I practically leap from her bed. I wave my hand at her. “Whatever, crazy girl. I got more homework to do.”
