Page 15 of Risky Taste
I should have known tutoring them would be a mistake. They probably had some whispered pact between them, a vow not to leave me alone with my demons. I’m grateful, but it’s also a double-edged blade. Because while my brother is self-absorbed, Kurt isn’t completely stupid and he’s noticed in the last hour how their gazes linger on me or that it takes them a second to drag themselves back into the conversation he’s locked them in.
My only refuge is escaping to the living room, wading through whatever soap opera I can find to dull out everything else. I would usually rush back upstairs or to the clinic but both of those places are devoid of the warmth I’m selfishly craving. So, staying in the living room seems safe enough.
Until Logan joins me on the couch, his arm resting along the back that’s more of an invitation than a simple gesture. I stare at it for entirely too long before leaning into his side, a heavy sigh falling from my lips at the feeling of being held. Fighting myneeds and wants for so long made it easy to believe that taking this step would be the worst thing I’ve ever done.
And while I’m still terrified of what Kurt will do, god, I need this.
The steady hum of the TV and Logan’s heartbeat against my ear lull me into a relaxed state, my head falling to his lap as his fingers slowly run through my hair. The world around me fades away, just me drawing comfort from his touch until I close my eyes and finally give in.
And then Kurt’s voice shatters the peace.
“What the fuck.”
My body lurches upright, drool slicking down my cheek, the back of my head slamming into Logan’s chin. Pain flares through my head and we groan in unison. Logan’s hand moves to my head, kneading the ache, but then it slides lower, wrapping around the back of my neck. His fingers press into my skin, a touch that screams more than friendship.
Kurt leans over the couch, his eyebrows wiggling with a grin that doesn’t reach his eyes. “What the fuck were you doing down there?” His tone teases, but there’s a jealous edge to it, a darkness that threatens to erupt if I say the wrong thing.
Thisis what I was worried about. Granted, I had been curled up next to one of his buddies in broad fucking daylight. “Guess I fell asleep,” I mumble, swiping my hand across my mouth to get rid of the drool. That’s when I notice the small wet stain on Logan’s thigh, shame flooding my cheeks. Well, that’s fucking embarrassing. I manage a small smile before excusing myself, not exactly sure where my sleep-addled body is taking me.
Their voices trail after me, muffled but still loud enough for me to hear. “What are you doing here? I thought you left” Kurt asks, the couch fabric rasping as Logan shifts. I imagine the shrug he throws at my brother which will most likely piss him off. “Uh-huh. You’ve been hovering. What is it? I told you thatyou could bother Noah for help. But I didn’t think you’d lay in wait. Hell. Even Beast was here too long this morning. Is Declan the only sane one around here?”
I try to drown them out by turning on the sink and splashing water on my face but the irritation in Logan’s voice bleeds through. “Do you really not see it?” The floor creaks and I imagine Logan rising to his feet, a few inches taller than my brother. I never really thought about it before, how the men around me are larger than the man with the biggest ego.
“Should I?” Kurt counters. “I mean. Heath’s gone. But he was a bit of an asshole. So, I’m not all torn up about it. Is there something else I need to know?”
When there’s no response, I dry my hands and face on the kitchen towel before trying to escape up the stairs. I don’t make it, Logan’s gaze pinning me in place once I step into the hallway. “I think you should talk to Noah. He’s not dealing with things well. I think something happened while we were gone.”
“And he’s telling you? He doesn’t evenknowyou.” Kurt’s words land like a punch, disbelief lacing his voice.
It makes sense Kurt wouldn’t remember that we all went to school together. College was never his thing. He went for the parties and the companionship, not for the education. We rarely spoke during those years unless it was at home in between semesters or during the summer. But on campus? EveryoneknewI was Kurt’s little brother but that didn’t mean we interacted.
Kurt spins to look at me, confused and hurt. I wonder if this is the moment that I spill the truth or if he demands to know what’s going on. There’s several tense moments before he stalks toward me, his arms folded across his chest. My gaze darts to Logan as he tilts his head, silently asking if I need him but that might just make things worse.
I shake my head and then wait for Kurt’s question as Logan slips by. There’s a subtle brush against my hip just before he heads outside.
“Care to tell me why two of my squad are hanging around here like lovesick puppies?”
Of course, instead of telling him the goddamn truth, I go for lies because they always served me so well. “How should I know? They’re your buddies.” My voice is weak, a pitiful deflection that crumbles under his stare.
“Tell me another lie. Logan said something happened while we were gone. Why are you talking to my squad and not your own brother? That shit hurts, Noah.”
I want to tell him what really hurts is that we haven’t spoken in nearly three years. That Sebastian called me more times than I can count, checking in with me, talking me through moments of despair even if he didn’t know it, and sitting with me over the phone when just his breathing kept me going. It was a selfish thing to do, using Sebastian like that but having someone who cared despite everything?
It meant the world.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I chose Kurt’s buddies over him. It’s the fact that that’s all I had. My own brother didn’t even notice something was wrong until Logan pointed it out but those three picked it up the moment they saw me.
I chew on my bottom lip, wondering if I should tell Kurt anything but holding back won’t save me. It’ll just further drive a wedge between us. So, I blow out a deep breath, hoping that my voice isn’t as unsteady as I feel. “One of my best friends died. You didn’t really know him but he took his own life yesterday.”
The words hang heavy between us, a confession that tastes like ash. My throat burns at the memory of hearing Sarah over the phone, the anguish of knowing that I still couldn’t understandwhy.“And the—” I start, but the rest lodges in my chest. I can’ttell him the truth about Heath, about the relapse, about the nights I lost to the bottle. Because I can’t be sure he’ll respond the way I need him too, the way Sebastian and Logan did.
My brother snorts, leaning back against the corner. “Jesus Christ. Why would you not tell me that? I’m over here thinking everything is fine, you with your fancy med degree and me being home.” That’s as close to acknowledgment as I’ll get. Kurt nods toward one of the cabinets, now empty of any and all alcohol that used to sit in our home. “Spring cleaning?” I fumble for the right words when his laid back demeanor turns hostile. “Noah, I’m not as dumb as you probably think I am. I’ve overheard Sebastian’s conversations. I know about the drinking, okay? I know way more than you probably think I do, and that’s why it’s so fucking weird to come home and find my buddies more attentive to you than they should be. Why the hell were you talking to Sebastian anyway?”
“Because he called.” My shoulders fall as I realize this conversation won’t end until I give Kurt something. “I called you a few times and you never answered. Sebastian did, once and then it was just a quiet comfort after that. Like it was as close as I could get to my brother.” That sounds convincing right?
“And Logan? I found your head in his lap. What was that?”
“I fell asleep, okay? That was an accident.” It truly was. Granted, had I not all but curled into his side, my head would have been lodged against some pillows and not on Logan.
