Page 61 of Badges
Hetoldme he was friends with my mom. How did I not see there was more?
My spine straightens, driving me up and towards my room.
“Elena, wait?” He reaches out, but closes his hand before he touches me. “It doesn’t change—“
"Yes it does,” I snap, slamming the door behind me.
Falling face first into my bed, I curl up into a ball hugging my pillow.
The weight of truth crushes down on me. Those hands that made me feel so incredible, touched my mother first.
He kissed her first.
Did he love her?
Sour pain makes my stomach roll at the thought.
Why didn’t we stay in Montana? Was he mean to Mom?
Fuck, all these thoughts make me toss and turn.
Sleep is sporadic, broken with bouts of uncontrollable crying soaking the collar of my shirt from wiping my tears.
What does this all mean? How could I ever be with him knowing the past.
A weird ache of jealousy settles in my chest.
Would he have gone back to her if she was still alive?
Burying my head in the blankets doesn’t block out the dawning light.
Or get rid of the faint twinges on my thighs at the memory of his palm.
I want him, and the comfort that I wish I had going through this.
If only it wasn’t caused by him.
Soft sounds of the coffee pot starting make it impossible to doze. I know he’s trying to be quiet, he does every morning.
Yet it’s like I can hear every tiny movement that I normally don’t even wake up for.
No matter what, I’m stuck with him now. If he’s Cynthia’s dad, he’ll always be around.
I guess she’d be safe.
Would that mean I wouldn’t get custody?
Hold on.
An idea has me sitting bolt upright and shrugging on a long t-shirt.
Running into the kitchen, my heart drops to see he’s already gone.
“Wade?” Did he leave?
“Yea?” His deep voice calls from his room.
When his head pops out, dark bags frame his amber eyes. He turns away, buttoning his uniform, and leaving the door open.
