Page 29 of Dirty Cowboys
Indie
I wake to sunlight, and the sound of voices and machinery drifting through the window. My head throbs, and when I reach up and touch the bandage on my forehead, the events of last night come flooding back.
The storm, the tree, and the realization that turned my world upside down.
It was you all along.
They were the last words I said before I fell asleep.
It was not Wyatt and his friends; it wasthem.
Three men I had been getting to know outside of the masks. Relief washes over me; I’m not a creep and screwing someone who is barely legal. The fear hasbeen eating me alive, making me question myself, and what kind of person I really am.
Duke, Nash, and Walker were the men I had pictured in my head behind the masks. Itisthem. My masked men are not complete strangers; they are men I’ve started to care about. But I now have to face them, knowing exactly what they have done to my body and what I begged them to do.
The bedroom door opens, and Nash peeks in. “Morning,” he says, carrying a coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs. “How’s your head?”
“It hurts,” I admit, taking the coffee. “Where are Duke and Walker?”
“Storm cleanup. There are trees down across three different roads, so they will be gone most of the day.” He sits in the chair beside the bed. “Duke left strict orders that someone needed to keep an eye on you.”
“You don’t have to babysit me,” I say, taking a sip of the coffee. “I’m fine.”
“Are you? Because you looked pretty fucking terrified when you woke up last night and saw us standing there.”
Heat creeps up my neck and spreads across my cheeks. “I wasn’t scared because it was you. I was terrified of what I thought I had done. When I heard the name of Wyatt’s bull, I thought...”
“I figured that’s what spooked you. I’msorry about the safe word. If I had known Wyatt was going to end up riding that particular bull, I would have picked something else.”
“It’s not your fault.” I set down the coffee and look at him. “I’m just not sure what this means now.”
“What do you want it to mean?”
“I don’t know. The masks, not knowing who was behind them, made it safe somehow. Like it was a fantasy that didn’t have a connection to real life.” I twist the edge of the blanket between my fingers. “But you’re all real, and I have to see you. I don’t know how to do that.”
Nash leans forward, his elbows on his knees. “The same way you did before. Nothing has to change unless you want it to.”
“Doesn’t it, though?” I meet his gaze, trying to read him. “Now I know you’ve seen me completely vulnerable. You know exactly what it takes to make me beg, and you know things about me I’ve told no one else.”
“And you know things about us,” he says. “You know what we’re like when no one is watching. You also know what we want and what we need. It goes both ways, Indie.”
I hadn’t thought of it like that. I got so lost in my head about being vulnerable that I hadn’t considered they had shown me just as much about themselves.
“What are the three of you to each other?” I ask. “Isaw Walker kissing you on the roof. And then there’s the way Duke talks to you both, and the way he watches you.”
“We’ve been together for years. There are no labels—we just work. It’s hard to explain what it is.”
“And now?” I ask.
“Now, what?”
“Now there’s me.” I pull my knees up to my chest, suddenly feeling the weight of his eyes on me. “Honestly, I don’t know how to fit into something like that—I don’t know the rules.”
“There aren’t any rules,” Nash says earnestly. “That’s the point. We do what feels right, what works for all of us.”
He stands up and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. “Can I ask you something?” When I nod, he continues. “Last night, were you disappointed when you realized it was us?”
“Disappointed?” I ask in disbelief. The question surprises me because I don’t think anyone would ever be disappointed at seeing Nash.
