Page 34 of Spy With Me
He started to turn.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Devi said quietly.
He was going to miss her, but right now he couldn’t handlemore bile. He felt weirdly fragile, and one more nasty word from the one womanhe’d ever really loved might break him. He was sure his father would give him asmack and tell him to be a man, but he couldn’t right now, and he sure as fuckwasn’t going to take it out on her. “Your mom isn’t mad at you. I’m sorry shewasn’t as angry with me as you want her to be, but she’s a pragmatic woman. Itwould have been difficult for Cooper to get you and Kala out. I made a call. Itwas the wrong one.”
“I am so fucking angry with you,” she said, her gaze intenseas though she was holding something back.
“I know. I’ll leave you alone.”
“I don’t want you to. I don’t… Zach, I don’t know what Iwant right now beyond going back and not leaving Landon in that restaurant.”Tears filled her eyes. “I could have killed Aunt Eve. I got my cousinkidnapped. I think they did terrible things to her. They wouldn’t have if Ihadn’t been stupid and gotten myself caught, and I did it because I was mad atyou.”
His heart softened immediately, and he knew this woman washis Achilles’ heel. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your apologies.”
“Baby, what do you want? I’ll give it to you.”
“I can’t go home,” she said with surety. “If I go home, Iput everyone in my orbit in danger. I was foolish and not thinking. I was goingto show you. I was going to show everyone that I didn’t matter.”
Every word made him ache. “You matter. You matter so much.”
“I understand that you have done a good job of taking thefocus off Tasha and putting it on me.”
He stilled. It was like she took a knife to him. He couldn’tquite process the words. He knew they were deadly but…she couldn’t think he didthat intentionally.
“Zach, you’re bleeding.”
He was. He was bleeding, and he didn’t care. If he bled out,then it would all be over and he wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. He’dlived so long in survival mode that the brief time he spent with her had beenthe best of his life. He had his girl and his brother and a place in a world heloved.
He had none of those things now. Did it matter if he bledout? It would make things easier for everyone he cared about.
“You’re bleeding. Whatever the doctor did you opened it upagain.”
He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He put a hand to his side.Sure enough, there was some wetness. The butterflies had likely come apart whenhe moved the boxes from the front porch inside. Arthur told him not to pick upheavy things, but he didn’t listen because he wanted everything to be in placewhen Devi woke up.
“Zach,” she began in that irritated tone that seemed to bethe only one she used around him. She reached out and grabbed his arm.
And stopped when she got a good look at him.
Tears slipped from her eyes, and she shook her head. “That’snot fair.”
He was crying. It was dumb and unmasculine, and he likelynever would have if he hadn’t done all the therapy Big Tag required. Therapyhad done nothing except teach him how much he longed for another life.Unfortunately, therapy couldn’t change his circumstances.
He thought she would walk away, but she moved in, fingerscoming up to caress his cheeks, wiping the tears away.
“Not fair,” she whispered and then laid her head in thecrook of his neck, and he felt a shudder go through her. Then her arms wrappedaround him, careful to avoid his injured side. “I don’t know what to do, Zach.I can’t go back. Not home and not to what we were before, but I also can’t… Ican’t stay this mad at you. It’s become everything I am, and I’m hurting peopleI love because I’m hurt. I’m going to stay hurt if I don’t make things rightwith you. Be evil. Make it easy on me.”
And just like that he hoped again. Such a dangerous thing todo, but she was in his arms telling him she wanted things to be okay betweenthem. He reached up and stroked her hair, holding her close and ignoring thepain. “I can’t. I know I should let you go, but I won’t do it by being mean toyou. I won’t lie again. I promise. I love you, Devi. I love you so fuckingmuch, my sweetness.”
It made her cry harder.
He held her and for a moment felt like he had a place in theworld.
Chapter Seven
Devi stared at the screen on the laptop. “This is safe?”
Her mother sat in front of her own screen. She looked tiredbut then she probably hadn’t gotten a ton of sleep. “Zach assures me he’spinged it across the globe and no one can find it. Do you want me to call inAdam? I would call Lou to check but she’s asleep and your brother is…alsoasleep.”
